Alanon..my Experience
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Alanon..my Experience
Just read several threads today where peole are feeling hesitant about going to a face to face Alanon meeting. Thought I would share my thoughts!
When I got to Alanon I was literally beginning to wish I was dead..I cried my ENTIRE first meeting (and have cried thru several in the past year) It is FINE to cry, it's a very safe place..the meeting will not stop, people will pass you a kleenex and give you a hug, but things will go on.
You only need to say your name..you do not need to let poepple know who your "qualifier" is or what their DOC is..you can talk, or not, no one will pressure you.
I am not a religious person, and you do not have to be..don't even worry about the higher power thing for a while, just go and listen.
If you see someone you know, they are there for the same reason you are..they love someone with an alcohol or drug problem.It is anonomyous and that is taken very seriously.If we see each other out in public, we don't say anything about the meetings in front of others..if someone asks how we know them..a friend of a friend.
No one will tell you to kick out your child or spouse, no one will tell you that you can't/shouldn't drink.alanon takes no stance on those issues, they are for you to decide.
I keep going back because for the FIRST time in my life i have found signifigant moments of peace.I go back, because I still need support and have much to learn.I go when I'm feeling good to keep me on track, and maybe to offer some hope and stregnth to others.
What I'm trying to say is...GO..give it a chance..you are already miserable..what have you got to lose? Make your recovery a priority and see what happens.....:ghug3
When I got to Alanon I was literally beginning to wish I was dead..I cried my ENTIRE first meeting (and have cried thru several in the past year) It is FINE to cry, it's a very safe place..the meeting will not stop, people will pass you a kleenex and give you a hug, but things will go on.
You only need to say your name..you do not need to let poepple know who your "qualifier" is or what their DOC is..you can talk, or not, no one will pressure you.
I am not a religious person, and you do not have to be..don't even worry about the higher power thing for a while, just go and listen.
If you see someone you know, they are there for the same reason you are..they love someone with an alcohol or drug problem.It is anonomyous and that is taken very seriously.If we see each other out in public, we don't say anything about the meetings in front of others..if someone asks how we know them..a friend of a friend.
No one will tell you to kick out your child or spouse, no one will tell you that you can't/shouldn't drink.alanon takes no stance on those issues, they are for you to decide.
I keep going back because for the FIRST time in my life i have found signifigant moments of peace.I go back, because I still need support and have much to learn.I go when I'm feeling good to keep me on track, and maybe to offer some hope and stregnth to others.
What I'm trying to say is...GO..give it a chance..you are already miserable..what have you got to lose? Make your recovery a priority and see what happens.....:ghug3
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I love my f2f meetings!!
they did something I never thought possible - they loved me as I was but helped me change into the person I always wanted to be!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, it's scary going to that first meeting - but I encourage you - please my friend - give it a try!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
they did something I never thought possible - they loved me as I was but helped me change into the person I always wanted to be!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, it's scary going to that first meeting - but I encourage you - please my friend - give it a try!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm glad that you posted on this topic. I think many people are hesitant to go to meetings for a number of reasons. Fear of the unknown being a biggie.
I also cried through my first several meetings. I couldn't speak. I was hurting so badly. I felt foolish at first for sitting there crying but no one in the meeting made me feel that way. They were compassionate and understanding. It was quite obvious that they had been there done that.
But I saw something that THEY had that I WANTED. They seemed to have acceptance. They seemed to have a peace about them. They had issues as big (or bigger) than mine but they were ok and I so deperately wanted to be OK too!
The sayings and rituals seemed odd to me at first. The "hello so and so" after each person introduced themselves (first names only) seemed odd. The structure seemed odd. It all just seemed a little weird to me at first. Now I find tremendous comfort in those rituals. I find comfort in the sayings like "one day at a time" or "keep coming back it works if you work it" or "Let go and Let God". I must recite the serenity prayer and many of those sayings to myself several times a day to keep my head in a good place.
I have been to a few different groups. I have found my home group (Naranon) and am glad for the friendships I have found there. I don't always agree with everything that is said but "take what you need and leave the rest" is a great thing to keep in mind....not only in the group but in my everyday encounters with other people.
I have found that Naranon (and Alanon) have helped me strive toward being a better person. I have a long way to go but my group and my friends from my group help me see the roadmap. I experience serenity to varying degrees every single day.
It DOES work if you work it.
gentle hugs
I also cried through my first several meetings. I couldn't speak. I was hurting so badly. I felt foolish at first for sitting there crying but no one in the meeting made me feel that way. They were compassionate and understanding. It was quite obvious that they had been there done that.
But I saw something that THEY had that I WANTED. They seemed to have acceptance. They seemed to have a peace about them. They had issues as big (or bigger) than mine but they were ok and I so deperately wanted to be OK too!
The sayings and rituals seemed odd to me at first. The "hello so and so" after each person introduced themselves (first names only) seemed odd. The structure seemed odd. It all just seemed a little weird to me at first. Now I find tremendous comfort in those rituals. I find comfort in the sayings like "one day at a time" or "keep coming back it works if you work it" or "Let go and Let God". I must recite the serenity prayer and many of those sayings to myself several times a day to keep my head in a good place.
I have been to a few different groups. I have found my home group (Naranon) and am glad for the friendships I have found there. I don't always agree with everything that is said but "take what you need and leave the rest" is a great thing to keep in mind....not only in the group but in my everyday encounters with other people.
I have found that Naranon (and Alanon) have helped me strive toward being a better person. I have a long way to go but my group and my friends from my group help me see the roadmap. I experience serenity to varying degrees every single day.
It DOES work if you work it.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
I remember my first meeting exactly, it was a small meeting. I was sooooooo nervous and remember saying my first name then balling my eyes out. within a few minutes after listening to everyone I calmed down. I walked out of there with such relief and comfort.
between going to the meetings and coming here I truly dont know how I could have made it this far and continue to make it. its not easy as anyone can tell you, but its worth the efffort when you see how you have made progress, even if its small steps you eventually get through it with the help of others who are going through the same thing.
I hop between here and my lymphoma forum. support is the greatest gift anyone can give or receive. there is always someone ahead of you who can share their experiences with you and someone behind you that is looking for support.
between going to the meetings and coming here I truly dont know how I could have made it this far and continue to make it. its not easy as anyone can tell you, but its worth the efffort when you see how you have made progress, even if its small steps you eventually get through it with the help of others who are going through the same thing.
I hop between here and my lymphoma forum. support is the greatest gift anyone can give or receive. there is always someone ahead of you who can share their experiences with you and someone behind you that is looking for support.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Meetings literally saved my life. I too cried my first three meetings, but they understood and handed me tissues and let me know they cared.
It was the first place I had been where people truly understood my pain, and who were willing to help me find a better way to live. I wanted what they had and although it took work and time, I found it..serenity and life filled with peace and joy and am enthusiasm for living my life well.
Going to meetings is the best gift I have ever given myself.
Hugs
It was the first place I had been where people truly understood my pain, and who were willing to help me find a better way to live. I wanted what they had and although it took work and time, I found it..serenity and life filled with peace and joy and am enthusiasm for living my life well.
Going to meetings is the best gift I have ever given myself.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
I am a truly grateful member of Naranon. Naranon saved me from myself. You know, that enabling, controlling, unhappy, shell of a person I was. I'm still learning and growing, one step at a time. I can walk into a new meeting and know that I am accepted and understood.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
The first time I went to a NarAnon meeting, I was so depressed I didn't go back for about 3 months. In that time my life got even worse than it had been, dealing with my son's addiction, me giving him money, and wanting to "help" him any way I could. Well, I walked myself back into that meeting and spilled my guts out week by week, month by month and now I love the folks in my NarAnon group. They've listened, cared, hugged and even questioned me at times, but through it all they've supported me and I've supported them.
I also attend a very healthy AlAnon group that keeps me on track. I receive priceless gifts from both of my groups and just about the time I whine a bit about going to a meeting, that meeting turns out to be the best I've been to in a while!
Just go! Shop around until you feel good about a group.
I also attend a very healthy AlAnon group that keeps me on track. I receive priceless gifts from both of my groups and just about the time I whine a bit about going to a meeting, that meeting turns out to be the best I've been to in a while!
Just go! Shop around until you feel good about a group.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,287
Thanks Keepinon!
No matter how tired, sad, stressed, overworked, or just plain BLAH I feel, I always feel better within MINUTES of walking into my home group meeting. The love, understanding, and welcome I ALWAYS get is priceless; I love those ladies!
No matter how tired, sad, stressed, overworked, or just plain BLAH I feel, I always feel better within MINUTES of walking into my home group meeting. The love, understanding, and welcome I ALWAYS get is priceless; I love those ladies!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
newcomers..you are very valuable and appreciated in meetings..something you say may help another member find clarity or healing...the meetings are not just for you, but an opportunity to give back..which is an intergal part of recovery...so go!
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