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-   -   Do you think my parents are right to keep this secret? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers/215322-do-you-think-my-parents-right-keep-secret.html)

tandem545 12-12-2010 05:52 PM

Do you think my parents are right to keep this secret?
 
My sister is pregnant/probably just had her baby. She told my parents explicitly not to tell me anything about it at all. They say it's because she's embarrassed. So now I just feel like I'm left out of the loop on everything. I'm the only person in my immediate family that doesn't get any info on anything. It just makes me feel so excluded. Like I'm not part of my family anymore. Yes, I have been critical of my sister with her past decisions regarding drugs and her abusive boyfriend, but how could I have let that go without saying anything? My parents have been going with my sisters wishes, which is why they separated me from our Thanksgiving meal. I wonder what they will come up with for Christmas. I don't know. For me it sucks that just because my sister tells them to exclude me, they do. I get that it's her personal business but still. What do you think? I'm sitting here so depressed. My mom says she wishes she could talk to me about it but can't.

suki44883 12-12-2010 05:55 PM

Your parents are caught in the middle here. If there was something you didn't want them to tell your sister, how would you feel if they broke that confidence? I know it sucks, and even though it feels hurtful to you, they were put in a very hard place and chose to abide by the wishes of your sister.

tandem545 12-12-2010 09:45 PM

So what do you advise that I do? I am just tired of all the hurt I feel inside. I want to just cut them all off but obviously that is hard for me. I would really love some advice.

Kindeyes 12-13-2010 06:08 AM

The hardest thing we can do is look at ourselves. Particularly when we feel victimized by the actions of others. I think Cynical One said it very well. Your sister isn't doing any of these things "at you" or "to you" and neither are your parents.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result. You can't control your parents and you can't control your sister. But you can control your feelings, attitudes, actions, etc. If you work on changing the things you can control (yourself), you may be amazed at how the things (and people) around you change.

I have a brother that I felt victimized by for many years. I couldn't understand WHY my parents couldn't see it. I couldn't understand why they couldn't MAKE HIM STOP. It took me a very long time to realize it wasn't their responsibility to make him stop....it was mine. It took me a very long time to understand why they wouldn't take MY side. It took me a very long time to stop feeling victimized by my brother's behaviors. It took changing me.

I wish peace for you.

gentle hugs


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