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Old 12-06-2010, 11:50 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Post New here!

Hi Everyone,
I've been reading here for a few days and thought it was time to say Hello. A little background... My AH went to rehab in 1999 for alcohol. He embraced sobreity with everything he had. He became a totally different person. He was a pleasure to be around. Our marraige flourished. He got into a career making great money and life was good. He was an awesome father to our kids. We would talk about the miracle of sobreity. Everything AA told him could happen did. Around late 2004 he met a guy( through work) who I immediately didnt care for. GUy was a drug addict who had to be sober because of some legal things. I think AH wanted to help him. AH asked guy to go to AA meeting, but was turned down and made fun of for going. I soon noticed AH not going to meetings as much. In 2005 AH got hurt at work. I was SHOCKED when he came home from hosp. ( with stiches) with a script for narcotic pain meds. Before this he would NEVER take any narcotics. Looking back I think his pill taking started before this accident but I'll never know. AH went to family Dr. and got a script for percocet. WHen I found out I called Dr. and told him AH was in recovery. As you can imagine AH wasnt happy with me. Between 2005 and May of this year things *seemed* ok. I knew *something* was going on but could never put my finger on it. THere was always alot of money missing, but AH always had an excuse and dummy me I believed him. Things came to a head in May. AH started "nodding out" and it was SO obvious he was on opiates. One night I thought for sure he was going to die. I talked him into going to rehab. He did 7 days of detox for opiate addiction and 5 days in rehab. He left against medical advice. THings started out good with him going to meetings and working his program. 2 months ago meetings stopped. I said something to him about it was was basically told to go get f'ed. He's taking cash but being very sneaky about it( using debit gettign cash back) I know he is using again. Not everyday but occasionaly. I feel detached. He wants NOTHING do to with me. He knows I know. I've made a decision to work on myself. I have a life and I want to live it. Im trying to do things different this time. He has his journey and I have mine. I wanna live again. So, theres my story. Im workign on finding in person meetings I can go to. Thanks for letting me share this. Thanks for reading!
Jenni
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Old 12-06-2010, 12:52 PM
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tam
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liveforme,
I could have or maybe I did write the same post as you did today exactly 1 year ago.
my situation is exact, 1999 rehab and then pain pills, 2002 not 2005.
doesnt matter.
I am now going through a divorce after 26 years of marriage and being together for 30.
do what cynical one saids to do ! please prepare yourself and protect yourself before its too late.
continue seeking support too, dont think for one second it will get better,
dont think for one second he will change as it can get worse.
we are here for you
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Old 12-06-2010, 01:06 PM
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I second Cynical One. Because marriage is considered a business partnership in the eyes of the State, you are in a very precarious and vulnerable position. A business partner can take out loans and create debt without the knowledge or permission of the other. Your husband could get a second mortgage on your house without your knowledge - until the banks calls you looking for the past-due payment and that's when you find out.

Good for you for thinking of your own recovery and also for coming here for support. I cannot speak for everybody else, but I can speak from experience about how incredibly vulnerable you are with your finances right now - already with a husband whose addiction is so strong that he is stealing family money. It will, TRULY, only get worse.

If you are emotionally ready, the best thing you can do to protect yourself is to start legal proceedings. There is something called "Legal Separation" that is very much like a divorce in that it protects you from any debt that your spouse incurs. But your spouse may not go along with that (he has to sign the papers also). In that case, the best protection is to file for divorce.
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Old 12-06-2010, 01:28 PM
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I, too, like Tam went thru a similar experience to what you are going thru - only I had no idea even tho I had a seperate checking account, retirement and vehicle that my now exAH would be entitled to half of ALL of it.

The legal system is not very friendly to spouses who try to support (emotionally or finanically) their mates thru addiction/recovery - when the spouse relapses and does keep up their end of the bargain.

They are still entitled to more than what you would imagine!! I walked away finciancially bankrupt - but emotional SANE & SAFE finally!

Please regardless if you are ready to leave or not - seek Legal Counsel to protect yourself - You at least should know the laws in your area to know what is best for you.

PINK HUGS & best wishes for you on your own recovery!!

Rita
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Old 12-06-2010, 06:07 PM
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Thanks for the replies. I agree totally that im in a bad financial place. I've been a stay at home mom for the past 11 years. Im going to see a lawyer and find out what the laws in my state are.Basically tell them everything that is going on and get some legal advice.
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Old 12-07-2010, 04:19 AM
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Lifeforme: Excellent, excellent! Please come back and tell us what you find out from the lawyer...
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