summer017

This was posted on the Hazelden website, thought of the day for Sunday, December 5, 2010 - from the book The Language of Letting go

I really felt this one.. and wanted to share with you!
Have a GREAT day

Difficult People

Few things can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn't; we feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.

It is time to let it go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn't mean we can't love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system.

We learn to love and care differently in a way that takes reality into account.

We enter into a relationship with that person on new terms - taking our needs and ourselves into account. If a person is addicted to alcohol, other drugs, misery, or other people, we let go of his or her addiction; we take our hands off it. We give his or her life back. And we, in the process, are given our life and freedom in return.

We stop letting what we are not getting from that person control us. We take responsibility for our life. We go ahead with the process of loving and taking care of ourselves.

We decide how we want to interact with that person, taking reality and our own best interests into account. We get angry, we feel hurt, but we land in a place of forgiveness. We set him or her free, and we become set free from bondage.

This is the heart of detaching in love.

Today, I will work at detaching in love from troublesome people in my life. I will strive to accept reality in my relationships. I will give myself permission to take care of myself in my relationships, with emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual freedom for both people as my goal.

katie28

I really needed to read this today. Thank you!

I'm in the process of letting go and need to constantly remind myself of why it is best for me to detach.

Although I love him dearly, he was the love of my life, I have to accept he will never be the person I wanted him to be and just being with him isn't enough. I need more than that. I grew tired of giving and giving and receiving nothing back in return. Constantly having to listen to him talk about drugs and how he was going to quit this and that and never follow through. I always put him first and he always put his needs first which meant I was always last and felt so neglected and unappreciated. By the end I was so drained I threw my hands up in the air and told him to move out of the house.

I have stepped back and let him try and take control of his own life. Who knows how he is going.... I hope he is doing well. Whilst he is in recovery I think its best for my sanity to step back whilst im sure he stumbles and falls but this time he doesn't drag me along for the ride.

sojourner

This reading confirms what I have been going through with a good friend - someone who mentored me through my beginnings in Alanon years ago when I was dealing with an addict husband and had 3 little kids. She was an angel sent by God for me, and we became good friends.

But things have changed. Rather than go into detail, i'll just say that the reading describes it all. I do not need to end the friendship, though.

Thanks a lot. God is good.