AlabamaStep

My step daughter lives 900 miles away from her mother and me. She is a heroin addict. She has been living on and off with her biological father's family...interrupted periodically by episodes of theft, arrest, jail and rehab. Most recently she was picked up by police with one of her "friends" in the middle of the night. The "friend" was attempting to use her biological father's credit card...which she stole. She has stolen from pretty much most of her loved ones including her mother and me.

My wife is this girl's worst nightmare! She is the crowned queen of the enablers. Her biological father is no slouch at enabling either.

I have tried and tried to get my wife to attend an Al-Anon meeting. She won't go!

I was wondering if anyone in here had any advice as to how I can get her to a meeting.

suki44883

You can't. Just like we cannot force the addict to seek help, neither can we force the enabler. Do you attend Al-anon?

MsPINKAcres

wow - hate that your family is so hurt by this disease -

as a mom who has been there I can understand that your wife may be afraid of so many different things.

Maybe if she won't try the meetings yet maybe she would be willing to sign on here and just start reading some of the postings from other parents.
It helped me to learn I wasn't the only one.
It wasn't just me that had a child that I loved dearly that would still do these awful things, that someone that was once so innocent and pure could be controlled by something so evil!!

It may help her to realize that we still love our addicts/alcoholics but we just learn not to enable their behaviors.

Then she may be ready to give the meetings or some literature a try.

PINK HUGS to you & yours,
Rita

litehorse

i was slow coming around to the understanding that i could not help my son in the way i would normally be able to - that doing those things for him was actually allowing the disease to thrive - but i did have to come around to that understanding on my own - rita had a really good idea - if your wife will read here she will learn so much in a very unthreatening, but supportive way -

greeteachday

I think the thing that convinced my husband to try some meetings was seeing the change in me. He figured out they must do something since I was no longer a total crazy woman.

dollydo

Just like addiction, enabling is a disease, a real nasty one. It too, can destroy families.

I would suggest that you attend meetings and read Codependent No More, as you are also enabling your wife's actions. That may not be clear today, however, in recovery from codendency it will be clear, you too are codependent.

Keep reading, keep posting, we are here for you.

Spiritual Seeker

Having a child who is a drug addict is heart-wrenching as you can see.
I know.
Once addicted to heroin, terrible consequences always occur.
No one would "choose" these. Your step daughter is very sick.
Hopefully, she will agree to help before it is too late.
Most addicts require multiple trips to rehab and severe conseq. before they can work at recovery.
And it is work.
You are wise to know that enabling serves no purpose.

Be sure to continue to show compassion to your wife and step-daughter
who struggle daily with this family disease (as you do - probably in a more detached way )