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need support so i dont cave in

Old 11-24-2010, 08:00 AM
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need support so i dont cave in

hello all well things have been going pretty good since i took my granddaughter from my AD... until now.. its been a month and a half she came by once to see her and then again 2 weeks later and took her for 1 night. . then i found out that there is more going on then i thought.. crack smoking and dealing involved... so now my AD wants to come and take the baby back thinks now that she got a place of her own she can take her.. i had to threaten her with calling the cops and DCF and also i would revoke her bond... she calmed down some but then started on the heart strings.. this is where i need the support... mommy just let me have her durning the day i just need her in my arms, i need her in my life, i feel dead without her.... my heart is breaking in a million pieces even though i know its her telling me what i want to hear and trying to manupliate me.. if she really was that adament about being with her daughter she would come over to my house or my other daughters house. we have told her time and time again she is welcome anytime to come over and spend time with her daughter and that we of course would love to spend some time with her cause we do still love her and miss her too... i am just trying to stand my ground and stay strong...... On a side note I really hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving.........
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:20 AM
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I'm sorry that you're going through this

Your granddaughter is an innocent, and you would probably be wisest to let that baby's best interests be your guide.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:37 AM
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A child makes all of this stuff so much more difficult, doesn't it? You are protecting an innocent. It must be particularly difficult when the addict is the mother of the child. You can only do what you feel is best for the child.....they can't take care of themselves.

My son has also done the "I have to see my son or I will die" or "I have to see my son or I can't get sober." or "It hurts too bad to see my son" (used as an excuse when he would be given the opportunity to see him but was too messed up to get here). They are masters of manipulation, aren't they?

From what you have written, it sounds like you have provided a pretty good situation for both your grandchild and your daughter, under less than perfect conditions.

This is so hard, isn't it?

gentle hugs
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:04 AM
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OMG its one of the hardest thing i have had to do in my life.. the funny thing is i know having a little child in the middle makes it that much more harder but i have to admit i often wonder how parents who do not have a grandchild to foucs there attention on get through the day, night, week, months with all there focus on the addicted child.... in my mind they are ten times stronger than i am cause at least i do have the grandbaby to have to worry about and consume most of my thoughts.. basically she helps keep me sane.... LOL.... to all the parents out there who only have that addicted child to be worried about i tip my hat to you for the ability to keep moving forward and finding the strength to contiune... I thank God everyday for my blessing good, bad , ugly they are all blessing in the end....
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:04 AM
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I can relate to both of your kids parent and kidneys. I'm the alcoholic/addict and I don't have custody of my two children, their mom does. I have visitation and I have to schedule it a week in advance and sometimes my wife (divorce isn't finalized) doesn't seem to want to work with me. I miss my kids and wish that I could be able to tuck them in at night and give them a goodnight kiss. But I can't, for now. I know that I have a lot of work to do on muscle before any of this can be possible. I know that my kids are in good hands and that they're in the best place they can be right now. They're the innocents and they need to be taken care of. What can really expect to do for them if I can barley take care of myself at this point. I love my kids so much, but I won't use that as a selfish excuse to try and manipulate the court system to try and get partial custody. I love them so I'm just going to leave things exactly the way way they are, God has them where they need to be and I cannot question his authority.
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Old 11-24-2010, 10:30 AM
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Thank God you have your grandchild with you.

I spent five years trying to get custody of my granddaughter.

Short of having unlimited financial reserves and a damned good lawyer, I was shot out of the saddle on that one.

Take care of that precious little girl, and enjoy Thanksgiving with her!
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Old 11-24-2010, 09:26 PM
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My husband currently had my daughter and it breaks my heart. I did some really negligent things while under the influence so it only makes sense that this is the best thing. However, I do relate to the begging and pleading because I say some of these things and when I say them, I mean them sincerely. However, I guess it comes off as manipulation to him because I've lied about a lot of things before. It's all so sad and I hope to remedy the situation with time and we can move on positively. It's all very strange for me to now be seen in the eyes of my husband's family (who he's since told the situation to) as the messed-up addict mom because I have kept a pretty good facade up. My husband is a drinker and pot smoker, too, but hasn't been drinking in my capacity. I actually have a pretty good reputation with most and have always thought that the people who had their kids removed from their care were usually the obvious people; I've known a few. However, it's surprising when it's now ME! Happy Thanksgiving everyone.
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Old 11-25-2010, 11:18 AM
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If she wants the baby I am sure if she gets sober and works a program that won't be a problem.Until then I think you are quite generous to allow her to come visit.Happy holidays!
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Old 11-25-2010, 08:57 PM
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thank you all for your responses.. she did show up today and spent about 2 hours with her daughter.. my poor grandbaby was so sad when her mother left but at the same time it is important for her to still be apart of her life. when she is sober.... and she knows she cannot take her anywhere.. Stellaloella i do feel and believe she is sincire when she asks to see her daughter but i am not stopping her from seeing her just restrictions..due to the fact that her boyfriend lives with her and he sells crack out of the house and of course everytime he gets pulled over when driving he flees with no reguard for human life (thats what the police report says) she is welcome to come over to my house anytime to spend time with her daughter or her sisters house, hell she can spend the night if she wants... the problem is that it is not her # 1 priorty right now when she is sober she misses her with all her heart but when she is messed up she does not even ask about her.... I know its starting to ware on her too cause the past week she has asked more times to see her than she has in a month in a half.. who knows maybe this might be an eye opener for her... i still have faith and believe she will make i dont know when but when she does she is going to be 10 times better person then she was before she was an addict... Just enjoy each day as it comes because we never know when it could all change......
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Old 11-25-2010, 09:02 PM
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John thanks for some insight... i know it will take a long time before people will be able to trust her again she stole, lied and darn right mean at times.. which leads to me wonder (worrie) when an addict overcomes the addicition how do they learn to move on dealing with all the other emoitions (what they did to get there drugs, how they treated everyone who loved them) sober.... people who do make it should be concidered HERO's......at leaset in my eyes.......so to all of you who have made that journey and succeed i take my hat off to you and be so proud.... and for the ones still struggling just know you know alot of people out here who will help you the best they can god knows they have helped me so much and most dont even know it..... I love you guys..
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Old 11-25-2010, 09:20 PM
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Just keep doing the right thing.
You are your grandbaby's Hero !
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