litehorse

Kindeyes - i will pray for balance for your dear mother's heart - and for strength for your son as he takes that step out of the "safety" of rehab and into his hopefully new and exciting life in recovery -

ready2learn

It could be that your AS is going through the same fears that you have. It's a big step for him, too. He's got his "people" to help him, and you have your "people" to help you. Could be his people need to talk to your people! I'm not making light of the situation, believe me. My AS is starting his rehab stint over again after a lapse. I long for the day that he reaches the end of his rehab program, and I know that just like you, I will have those monsters hiding under my bed ready to grab my feet to make me fall on my behind. You and your son both have a lot of support....encourage him to take advantage of it, and you do the same. My prayers are with both of you. And don't dwell on his father's shortcomings and bad decisions - that's why God gives children two parents, so that hopefully one of them has good sense.

Freedom1990

How are you feeling today?

CatsPajamas

It's an odd feeling for me still, to put on some new behaviors and attitudes and walk around with them for awhile. Sometimes they settle on me quite well, like a nice sweater or perfect pair of tennis shoes. Other times they pinch my toes and make me walk funny and are increasingly uncomfortable as the day wears on. That's when I reach out to my recovery friends, the ones who've known me awhile and who have good recovery themselves. They help me to figure out if those new behaviors are like good shoes that need to be worn a little more each day to be broken in, or if they simply don't fit me and might look good for awhile but will never be right for me.

I use this analogy with my son. He's on a good path these days, so I've been working on making some changes in my part of our relationship. I need to be strong in my own recovery so that if (when?) he stumbles, I don't have to go down with him. I imagine myself with the new attitude/behavior, and I really do wear it for a few days to see how it goes.

Mom hugs

Kindeyes

Well, my RAS (it feels good to use that "R") came home yesterday. He seems well. I was working so my husband went to bring him home. He went to a meeting last night and another one this morning at 7am with a friend who is in recovery (the same friend who helped me get him into rehab). He played soccer today (he's a talented athlete). He seems to be doing very well.

I had moments of codependent resurgence but I battled them well. We are giving him some room and taking it one day at a time.

My anxiety has subsided and I'm working MY program and letting him work his.

So far....so good.

Thank you all for your support.

gentle hugs

Spiritual Seeker

Yea, RAS

FGB

KindEyes,
You're doing so well, I'm so proud of you. I second that yea RAS!! Keep us updated! Hugs, FGB

coffeedrinker

kindeyes,

will be thinking of you and your family. it's a bit of a tough row to hoe, but i feel you are doing really well.

peace...

cece1960

Wow...how good it feels to treat them like the adult they are, huh?

Good for you for letting him guide his own recovery!

Kindeyes

Yes! It feels good to listen without feeling compelled to comment or try to "correct" his thinking. It feels good to let go and let his HP guide him. It feels good to let him figure his own stuff out. It feels good not to have expectations. It feels good to stay in the moment and treasure it.

Yes.....this is the beginning of a very long road.....but it feels good to have hope. Open hope. Hope that has no timeline.

He's not using today and that's a good thing. For today he is in recovery. For today, I have my son back.

Thanks again everyone......without SR and my Naranon family, I don't think I could have survived through all that I was putting myself through.

gentle hugs

Freedom1990

I guess I'm confused here because I thought you had told him living at home wasn't the best choice, and that you were willing to help with Oxford House till he got on his feet.

Then you said you didn't know what his discharge plan was, but then your DH goes to pick him up and bring him home?

Did I miss something somewhere? I am blonde after all.

Kindeyes

Freedom
I think you missed something. lol Our discussion was interrupted. All we got out was that we felt that Oxford Housing would be his best choice and that we would pay for it. My anxiety has been caused because there were no specific plans. We expressed our thoughts but are allowing him to make his own decisions and live with the consequences. His decision was to come here. My DH and I have allowed it. The consequences? Things go sideways he'll have to decide to either go to an Oxford House or back to the streets.

However, thus far, things are going well.....except the weather. We are in a deep freeze right now and everything is shut down, the roads are frozen sheets of ice so no one can get anywhere.....or at least it is very dangerous. It is forcing us to all be together and we haven't killed each other. Actually things are going well. We enjoyed a game of Trivial Pursuit last night by candlelight (no power). I got thumped by the guys.

I'm being a realist here. Things could go sideways and we are prepared to do whatever needs to be done. If that happens, it will be done firmly with love.

He has a temporary job right now so that's good. His attitude is good. He's attending meetings (two per day).....except yesterday when the weather went sour and no one can get around and no power. But it's just been a few days.....

DH and I are maintaining our serenity.

We are letting our HP do his job. We'll see where he leads us all.

gentle hugs