suki44883

Steve, you need to accept the fact that you are not going to get all the answers. You are not going to know the exact reason why she isn't ready yet. That's okay. It sounds like you want every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed before you will let go of this. You are definitely obsessed and continuing to let her situation and what she may or may not do, or why, take up so much of your head is keeping you stuck. Again, you are waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

steve1840

...a part of me is scared to let it go.

i know it isn't right, but i still have to work through this part.

i could list why, but i think you have an idea. mostly, there is this fear that by letting go i am letting her go. i lose her to the addiction. the reality is i already have, but holding on somehow blocks that reality. i have to do it. i know. i don't havea choice. my mind and body are taking me there. it's the final separation and that hurts.

its like she has vanished, disappeared. i need to accept that.
i am working on getting my life back. i'm listening to some of my favorite music in my office right now that i havent listend to in a while. loud, raw, heavy, powerful- kyuss. and its bringing me back to center.

i'll get there. it's hard. it's hard to let the love go and it's hard to realize i lived in that cloud. it's ok. i still live.

nodaybut2day

This bears repeating.

I missed you Anvil.

DaisyBuchanan

You won't let go until you're ready to let go. Talking about letting go isn't the same. You have to feel it inside you. Once you do, you will open a new chapter in your life.

Babyblue

Steve, honestly, you never had her. Yes you had a relationship on and off. But she chose the street over you. This love affair was a bit lopsided from what you say about it. The more you post about her, I have yet to see a redeeming quality. Maybe she isn't that awesome of a person? You don't see it now but you will.

And as for the street being full of 'bad people', maybe that is the life she actually wants for herself right now? Maybe she is one of them? Sorry if this sounds harsh but geezus man. (said with compassion and warmth of course!!!)

Impurrfect

((Steve)) - you keep thinking about how BAD life is for her. For us A's, who are active? It's NORMAL. Sure, there were times I got down about it...the time I got choked, the time I got punched in the eye and my cheekbone was fractured and everyone around me was so busy getting dope, I couldn't even get an ice bag! This is just the tip of the iceberg, yet my answer was always.....get high.

Everyone is right..she's not helpless. It takes strength (the wrong kind, but still) to survive on the streets. I made the decision to live that way, and so is she.

Stop thinking about what she SAYS and look at what she DOES. Even better, stop thinking about her, so much....period.

People who don't want help will use and abuse anyone who enables us. When, and if we want help? We WILL find it. I had to be pretty darned misrable in my codependency to do something about it, too.

I'm glad you had a good day. You can have more, and there's no reason to feel bad about it. I can assure you she's not wondering whether you're having a good or bad day. She's totally focused on her and what she wants.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy