Numbness
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
Numbness
In about 2 weeks is the first court date…where I’m requesting an expedited order for living arrangements, custody, support as part of the legal separation. Instead of fighting for what’s important, AH announces that he doesn’t plan to show up. He doesn’t have the money to fight, so I can have everything and he is just going to head out of state and try to start over. WTH??? I hope he is blowing smoke for our kid’s sake. AH is furious that I am asking for supervised visitation and says he refuses to follow through with that. Also claims that my prediction that he will end up in jail due to drugs won’t happen because he can’t afford support payments and that will be his issue. Of course, twisted around as usual.
Somewhere deep within me I guess I still held on to a micro-thread that he would come to his senses and seek treatment to save our family. But no…he just continues denying, blaming me, etc. My son told me tonight that dad told him I was going to kick him out in a couple of weeks. Again, WTH??? I can’t wrap my head around how a person gets to a place where they would just walk away from their responsibilities, their wife, but most especially their precious kids. How they can continue to tell themselves nothing is really wrong, but it’s the other person? Drugs are so evil, that is all I can say.
AH opened the electric bill that had been sitting in his truck for a while. He asks me the date today, then announces the electric was due to be cut off today. Nice! I always wonder what the electric company workers think when they come up to a decent house to cut off electric. Geez… I find it totally embarrassing, but such is life I guess. Of course I made arrangements this eve to get it paid because at this point, what’s the purpose of being resentful. Soon enough it will be my responsibility anyway. When I met AH he was so responsible with his bills…always paid bills first! I eventually took over the bill paying role and although there were times when things were tight, we always managed to keep up with the bills. That is until this issue reared its ugly head. Crazy, just crazy.
As my heart hurts I continue to remind myself that I have good reason to be taking these steps – nothing is going to change unless something changes ya know. I hope someday I feel the peace again, that happiness arrives again for a long haul. But until then, I just have to somehow get and stay strong.
This just sucks…
Just sort of getting it out I guess. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
Somewhere deep within me I guess I still held on to a micro-thread that he would come to his senses and seek treatment to save our family. But no…he just continues denying, blaming me, etc. My son told me tonight that dad told him I was going to kick him out in a couple of weeks. Again, WTH??? I can’t wrap my head around how a person gets to a place where they would just walk away from their responsibilities, their wife, but most especially their precious kids. How they can continue to tell themselves nothing is really wrong, but it’s the other person? Drugs are so evil, that is all I can say.
AH opened the electric bill that had been sitting in his truck for a while. He asks me the date today, then announces the electric was due to be cut off today. Nice! I always wonder what the electric company workers think when they come up to a decent house to cut off electric. Geez… I find it totally embarrassing, but such is life I guess. Of course I made arrangements this eve to get it paid because at this point, what’s the purpose of being resentful. Soon enough it will be my responsibility anyway. When I met AH he was so responsible with his bills…always paid bills first! I eventually took over the bill paying role and although there were times when things were tight, we always managed to keep up with the bills. That is until this issue reared its ugly head. Crazy, just crazy.
As my heart hurts I continue to remind myself that I have good reason to be taking these steps – nothing is going to change unless something changes ya know. I hope someday I feel the peace again, that happiness arrives again for a long haul. But until then, I just have to somehow get and stay strong.
This just sucks…
Just sort of getting it out I guess. Thanks for reading if you made it this far.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
angelstory
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stress in your life. But at the same time I'm impressed with how you seem to be handling it all quite well!
You are making the changes you need to make to improve your life. And that's a good thing.
gentle hugs
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this stress in your life. But at the same time I'm impressed with how you seem to be handling it all quite well!
You are making the changes you need to make to improve your life. And that's a good thing.
gentle hugs
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