SHAL0317

My sister is a 50 year old drug addict. She has lost everything, including a job that I would love to have, her home which my mother had to buy out of forclosure and now 2 years later has had to evict them from. My mother is still unable to quit bailing them out. Any suggestions on how to get my mother of 75 to quit using all her remaining resources to bail my sister and her family out. She is now in the process of paying of my nephew's 12,000 student loans. She paid off their vehicle and now it does not run because they did not bother to change the oil.

johndelko408

Something definitely needs to be done. It's very unhealthy for all members of your family. For one your sister needs to get into recovery, have you guys ever considered an intervention? Maybe explaining to your sister that her addiction is not just effecting her but everyone in your family. Your mom needs to definitely stop "bailing your sister out", you need to explain to your mother that all she is doing is enabling your sisters addiction. I do find it admirable that she paid off your nephews student loans. It really isn't his fault that his mother is sick, and she is. Addiction is a disease and the drug of choice is but a symptom. If he wants to better his future then hats off to him. My mother is an alcoholic and growing up watching her in her disease was not fun or healthy for me and I did horribly in school. I would just suggest to him that he should pay your mom back. She was there for him when he needed help and he never knows when he may need it again. We addicts are very good at manipulating people and getting what we want out of them. I hope that your family can get out of this funk and that your sister seeks out some help with her addiction. It's good that you are concerned and that your asking for help, this is good place to be asking for it. God bless you guys and I really do hope all goes well for you family.

Chino

My sister is almost 50, not an addict, and my mother continues to be her biggest enabler. To make it more interesting, my mother is a social worker and drug and alcohol case manager. My mother knows better, in other words.

This past summer, I finally realized my mother is a die hard codie. I can't help her change because she doesn't want that.

I have two suggestions:

Work the program you wish your mom and sister would, if you're not already working a recovery program.

Buy a couple of books for your mom --

Don't Let Your Kids Kill You by Charles Rubin.
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie (a good one for you too).

keepinon

Ya..highly doubt enabled 50 year old drug addict is gonna get a consience now. You really have no control over what your mom does..frustrating but true. Alanon can help you detach yourself from the situation and feel alot better though.

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR......we are all dealing with addicted loved ones and the chaos that can revolve around them.

I am the mother of an adult addicted son. I am also a world class enabler in recovery from this co-dependence (I think in the past I would possibly have won the Gold Medal in the co-dependence olympics....really.....I was that good). There was nothing you could have told me that would have made me think that I was doing anything wrong.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that no matter how frustrating it is to watch, you won't be able to change your mother or your sister until they have their own "ahh haaa" moment.

Giving a book as a gift to your mother may be one way to help her come to that ahh haa moment. The books suggested above would be great gifts.

My daughter survived the chaos by setting her own boundaries and removing herself from the midst of the storm. Smart girl.

Stick around. Ask questions. Read. I hope that SR and the wonderful people on here help you understand addiction and co-dependence. They helped me.

gentle hugs