gotahavfaith

Thank you Hello Kitty. I wasn't sure if I handled the kids right, but that was all I knew to say. Tonight was rough tho. My DH is VERY upset. He didn't do the "I told you thing" and was very good with me, BUT he is very upset with AD. He is angry because everything is falling on me again. He doesn't think it is right that she gets to run off and straighten herself out again, while we take care of the kids. Don't get me wrong, he loves them dearly, but he thought that we could get back to some type of normalcy when she came home. You know, just being able to go out shopping on a Saturday afternoon, relaxing for a few on the weekends. Now he is wondering if that is ever going to happen. Me, I am wondering that too. We both work hard all week. It just seems that she gets out of taking care of her kids, to take care of herself. I don't know, maybe we are both just whining a bit. He said he was going down to talk to her tomorrow. (Now that could be good or bad). At this point I think I am just gonna stay out of it and let him have his say. But I gotta wonder, is this ever gonna be over?

Gotahavfaith

Serenity Bound

Gotahavfaith, Sweetie you're name says it all. Please have faith that God has a plan for you, your daughter & the kids. I know just how tiring it can be. And my DH feels the same way, WHEN do we (meaning he & I) get to have a normal relaxing life, hmmm maybe go out with friends or just stay in by ourselves. Funny even tho my daughter has 9+ months in recovery and is doing great for today, she also has taken on so many good but time consuming ways to help others. ie, speaking at the jail, speaking with the homeless, GR for her home group, her meetings.........which don't get me wrong is Great...but guess who is watching & playing with her 2 kids. Yep, you guessed it, ME. lol
and yes I work a F/T job. So, when I'm feeling tired and out of sorts, I remind myself and Thank God for my grandkids.....as they are truly a blessing in my life.

I"m glad to hear your daughter is hanging around someone who has been in recovery for quite some time and praying that this will encourage your daughter to reach for a better way of life.

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

Angelic17

Awhhhh, I'm so sad with you sweet heart. My son did this over and over, but there is hope. Relapse is part of the disease, and it's so hard for them. The brain keeps sending her back out. Poor kid. She is struggling, but poor you. It's killing you. My son almost killed me. I know how you feel, and I want to tell you not to give up on your daughter. You are doing the right thing by not letting her stay there while using. ((((((((((((((((((((((((GHF))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))))))))
Here's a big hug of support and understanding. It will be alright. It takes time. She needs to find different people. I went through this 6 times with my son. Take care of yourself. Your powerless over her. Just incase you didn't know, your life isn't less valuable than your daughters. How lucky is she to have full time live in babysitters for her children. She doesn't get it yet. And if she does get it, and realize that she is hurting you, her brain isn't letting her stop. I'm so sad for you. I'm always here if you need a friend.

gotahavfaith

Thanks alot Angelic...You have been a GOOD friend to me. Ya know, it just feels like it will never be over. I love my grandkids, they might as well be my kids. And I will always be here for them. (Even when I am tired..lol) This was her first real attempt at being totally clean. She had 7 months sober before, but she was on suboxone, and that turned into just another drug for her. I guess I just thought going to rehab for that long, and having all the right tools to deal with her addiction, things would be different. Only thing that was different was it was Ritalin this time. I know she is struggling and I feel for her. I won't give up on her, but do you think maybe a great big kick in the A$$ might help? I have to laugh, or I might just cry and never stop. Anyways thank you for the big hug and you can add my kid to that great big prayer list that you have?

Gotahavfaith

gotahavfaith

Serenity...I guess I just need to remember that God has a plan. I know he does. But sometimes it is so hard. I also need to remember that recovery is sometimes hard on us too. Sending you good thoughts today.

Gotahavfaith

Spiritual Seeker

The obsession is stronger than any thing else for your daughter, no matter the consequence.
That is the insanity of addiction.
There is still hope that she will keep trying her best to get sober.

Angelic17

Just in case you didn't know. Your kid was one of the first kids from this site on my prayer list. I prayed so much for my own son too, and six relapses later he finally decided to try again. Now he is clean since early May. I would be lying if I said I wasn't still afraid. Relapse is all part of the disease. It's time for some real tough love.

Did you speak to her about the Ritalin and how many times she has used it, and what she is doing? One set back isn't a total relapse, unless she is doing it every day, in mass quantities. She has to want to pick herself up and get back on the recovery wagon. My heart aches and aches for you my friend. I know what your feeling, and when your going through a thing like this, it feels like it's never over. I wish I could talk to her. I know what she is feeling, because I have been there where she is. But, I also know what your feeling, because I've been where you are. Believe me, YOU feel worse than she does. I was hoping that because she is a mom, that she would fight like hell to stay clean. Her brain won't allow her to.

She needs to know that the pull to use will go away, if she just doesn't use.
I'm sending you some love and support. Hang in there. There is light at the end of the tunnel, not a speeding train. I prayed for 7 young people from this site today. Each by name. Myself and about 30 others, praying the rosary in church. Believe me, I prayed for 3 years when it came to my son. I was so upset, because I felt GOD wasn't anwering me. I didn't have the patience to wait. I was exhausted and frightened. And I know your more exhausted than me. But believe me, looking back in hindsite. GOD heard me, and answered my prayers. With addiction we have to be patient, and it's really tough. I'm sorry your still going through this. I was hoping it would be over for you by now. Hang on, IT WILL BE OVER SOON. Tough Love is the only way for you to go right now. I know it's hard, but how much can you take? I'm here for you if you need to talk. Love Ya Kiddo, from one Mom to another, everything is going to be alright. :ghug3

gotahavfaith

Well, another twisted turn on this journey. Jeez. My DH went down to talk to her yesterday. Guess what he did? Brought her back home!!! I guess him and her talked and he thinks she is getting off too easy. He thinks just because she used, and she said she used 4 ritalin, that it doesn't give her the right to be able to go off and find herself again. I'm not even sure what to say. He thinks we should give her another chance because she says it will not happen again. The friend she was staying with and her are going to hit the meetings everyday and she is still doing her counseling. I guess my husband is trying to take some stress off of me. Will it work? I don't know. Anyways, I told him that he could handle it and I told her I just wasn't sure this was gonna work. I just don't think we can live together and both of us be happy. Tomorrow I am gonna take her down to some income based apartments and get an application process started. It usually takes about 4-6 months before getting in these apartments. I don't know....sure didn't expect this turn of events. Ain't live exciting?

Gotahavfaith

Angelic17

Gotahavfaith, If there is one thing that I know for sure, it's that this is going to change. It might get better, it might get worse (I HOPE NOT) but, it will change. Sometimes when I don't see an end in site, and I am overwhelmed, I get very upset and devastated. But, within the next day or two, things always seem to change and get better. It's tough because your daughter has to be watched for a while. And it's so hard to try to baby sit for an adult. I tried it. It almost killed me. However, long story short, I'm glad she is back. She needs to take care of her kids. NOT YOU. You need to take care of you. (((((((((((((((((((R)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) )))))))

litehorse

you are doing so great with the kids - my heart is hurting for you and them and your daughter - i pray that she will very soon get back on track with her recovery - how very much us mothers suffer with our kids, for our kids, and because of our kids - hugs to you

Serenity Bound

Gotahavfaith, sometimes I think all of our SR girls are related. Wow....actually my RAD put herself on the subsidized housing list and yes it took a while. She then moved in, with just a few months clean, 5 mos later she & my DH decided she should move back in with us (for the kids) NO ONE asked my opinion, geez.....what can I say. Gratefully, she is still clean....Tomorrow marks 10 months. As for living with us, wellllllll.....I can't say it's been great, but it hasn't been awful either lol

Hugs & Prayers,
Chris

gotahavfaith

Yeah, ya know...nobody asked me either Serinity. LOL.

Maybe she was supposed to come back. Our little guy has a fever of 102 tonight. I could tell earlier in the day that he wasn't feeling very well, he took a nap. We had his birthday party this evening at a little pizza place, and he used the stuffed horse that he got as a pillow to lay his little head on. He is in bed with his momma all snuggled up, poor baby.

I don't know know you guys. I would like to think that she just made a mistake. I would like to think that it won't happen again. I could almost understand taking something for energy (myself, I like the little 5 hour energy drinks, but I don't snort them up my nose.) I guess this is just another glitch along the way in my own recovery.

Angelic, you are right about change. Change is inevitable. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. All I can do is pray and ask God to help me get through it.

Goodnite All
Gotahavfaith

Angelic17

GHF, You WILL get through it. GOD doesn't give us any cross, that we can't carry. Yeah, I agree that up the nose with Ridalin is not a good sign for a recovering addict. She is going to feel very tired for a year or more. She needs to understand that. It's all a part of getting off of the opiates. It's rough. And it's a long wait until she feels right. The first year off of opiates is not very comfortable. The addict feels like a used dishrag. Just dragging through life. My heart goes out to her, cause it's really tough. I'm glad that she is there taking care of her son with his fever. He belongs with his mommy. And she needs to be there for her boys. I'm sorry that the baby was sick for his birthday. Poor little guy. I sure hope he feels better soon. Keep us posted. :ghug3

islandcat

Angelic, I am confused. You said if they are not using everyday and not in huge amounts its not a total relapse??? I know my son is using but he said he used 2 weeks ago and not since (I never believe him) however how do we handle this? Same as if they are using regularily. I need some advice.

Angelic17

Islandcat, I'm sorry and didn't mean to confuse you. I meant that it's not a total relapse, if the person only used once or twice and has decided that they don't really want to go back to that type of behavior. Maybe he/she realized that it wasn't worth it. A total relapse is totally back in the habit of doing all of the same stuff. Same drugs. Same friends, The whole bit.

Most addicts in early recovery will slip and try again. Relapse is part of addiction. When an addict has been clean for six months, and then slips up, it is a relapse. But it hasn't gotten to the point where they are totally controlled by the drug yet. One or two times isn't total addiction again. I heard that on a show about addiction. Dr. Drew said that. The person isn't to the point where they would be sick without it and go into withdrawals.

It is still a relapse. And it's bad for them to use anything. Because technically they are not clean, even if they only used once or twice. What I was trying to say is that it's not as bad as it was when the addict first went for help. Don't listen to me. LOL. I'm not an expert on drug addiction. I'm just another mom like you and GHF. I have learned alot over the years due to addiction in my family. But I believe it is a relapse or a set back if they addict picks up and uses. It's serious, but not as bad as before if the addict wants to get a grip on it, and seriously jump back on the recovery wagon. I'm Sorry, sometimes I open my big mouth and say things that I don't know that much about. I was thinking that GHF's daughter just messed up for a minute, and isn't going back to her old ways. I desperately want this girl to get well so bad. Hearing that she had a setback hurt me inside. I'm hoping it's not a total relapse, where she is going to go back on a binge. I was trying to comfort myself and her mother. I know what it feels like when your child relapses. That almost killed me when it came to my own son. It tore my heart out.

Thanks for bringing this to my attention. :ghug3