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Relapse - I hate that word

Old 11-08-2010, 08:05 AM
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Relapse - I hate that word

Saturday nite, I'm at a restuarant eating, I get a phone call from my daughter - I could tell something was wrong, that she had been crying - her voice was just so different, so heavy with emotions.

My first thought was something had happened to my ex, her dad - but it wasn't that - it was her - she had taken some pills the nite before - She had RELAPSED. She was calling to be honest with ME about what had happened.

I absolutely HATE the word relapse - it carries so much potential for devastation - I know there is always the positive for people learning from relapses, things happen for a reason, and blah, blah, blah ~

But to be honest - relapse just scares the heck out of me.

She had 19 months of sobriety - just a little less than what her dad had when he relapsed ~ he kept saying he was back on track too, but he never was ~

Oh Dear God, please don't let the same happen to her. . .

so I told her i hated it happened, that I believed she could learn from anything that happened in her life, that I loved her unconditionally and that she didn't throw away 19 months because she still had all that she had learned in the 19 months and she was still with us to keep growing and learning as long as she was willing . . .

One Day at a Time

So today, I keep on breathing, praying and stay on my side of the street. Praying, hoping and trying very hard not to be scared out of my mind . . .

One Day at a Time

PINK HUGS to all,
Rita
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:07 AM
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Oh no. I'm so sorry Rita, I pray that she uses the tools that she has to move on from this slip. Hugs to you.
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:10 AM
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That's my nightmare..so sorry. But you sound very grounded and alanony so that is good. Hopefully she is right back on the ol recovery horse today. I do think its a good sign she told you..sneakiness and secrets keep us sick,right. Hang in there..sending good vibes to you and your daughter...
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:12 AM
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Rita, I think that young lady has an incredible mother, and the fact she knew she could call you and be honest without being judged says a lot.

When I drank and used again after 4 years in recovery, I did not tell either of my parents. They had/still have no program of recovery for themselves.

I was out there for 2 months, and finally drug myself back to my home group, and I started over again.

Give that fear to your HP dear.
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:19 AM
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Sending prayers to the both of you may our HPs take over.

I am sorry that this happened, as you said she has 19 months of tools, hopefully she will use them. I admire that she felt she could call you about it and I admire how you responded.
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
Give that fear to your HP dear.
Living in fear never did any of us a lick of good, and it sure can leave a big hole in our heart.

Living in faith helps me more, that each day is a new beginning, for us and for your daughter.

Living in faith lets me smile at the sunshine today. Fear robs me of my today and leaves me only yesterday and tomorrow...two days I cannot control.

Celebrate today, Pink, she made a mistake, owned it and will probably move forward again. You don't want her living in her mistake, so don't you either. This mama says!

Hugs
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:25 AM
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The fact she called you makes me think she will renew her commitment to sobriety. She could have hidden this from you but because she did not, she has a huge chance at recovery. I think you handled this situation beautifully. I know I would already be beating myself up having to tell my loved ones a relapse happened and noone could ever say to me anything worse than how I felt about myself. I know this is hard for both of you. Have a huge hug. ((((((((((((((((((MS PINK))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Old 11-08-2010, 10:01 AM
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(((Rita))) I'm so sorry to hear this. It is definitedly the one word (except for drugs)
that I hate the worse. Just her calling you and not hiding shows her recovery, sounds to me like she'll get right back into the swing of recovery. And you "Mama Pink" handled the call very well. yep we may feel like falling apart, but we know where to go with our fears.....God, SR and our program network.

Hugs,
Chris
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Old 11-08-2010, 10:31 AM
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So sorry ... but you are so right, all is not lost! We'll just get back to our prayers!
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:03 PM
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I am so sorry to hear of your daughter's relapse but I'm so thankful that she wanted to tell you about it. We're only as sick as our secrets. She knows what she needs to do and she has a great foundation to do it with.

I've heard Ann say "Turn fear into faith" before and I use that little tool all the time. I don't know what I'd do without it.

gentle hugs to you
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:50 PM
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Excellent job with the detaching with love!!!! It seems she did a good job of recognizing her slip and not letting it get out of hand.....she has her recovery tools and knows how to use them. That's good news!!!!
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Old 11-08-2010, 08:31 PM
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Rita, I think that young lady has an incredible mother, and the fact she knew she could call you and be honest without being judged says a lot.
I totally agree...Prayers for both of you. I think that was a really important step she took and pray she keeps taking those steps one at a time.
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Old 11-08-2010, 09:46 PM
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If I was ever in a similar situation, my hope would be that my daughter would feel that she could come to me without judgement and anger. My hope would also be that I could handle it with the same grace, and compassion that you did.

For me, I call that a truly loving mother/daughter relationship.

Gotahavfaith
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Old 11-08-2010, 10:52 PM
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When they slip - our beloved children- we sometimes stumble a bit ourselves in our own recovery. I think you did well Rita and your recovery is shining.you told her what you thought and didn't sugar coat anything. She knows that you love her but you won't take a front row seat to her drama.

I hope and pray she has recovery friends who will take her hand and brush the brambles off her behind and help her get right back on her path.

Mom hugs
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Old 11-09-2010, 12:30 AM
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Rita-
Hoping your daughter continues to do what she knows how to do
to save herself after this slip.
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Old 11-09-2010, 04:27 AM
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that she didn't throw away 19 months because she still had all that she had learned in the 19 months and she was still with us to keep growing and learning as long as she was willing . . .

thanks for sharing this, its so difficult to remember that they dont lose the time they just start over
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
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Old 11-09-2010, 08:42 PM
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Rita,

you said solid, beautiful, and TRUE things.

i have good feelings about your wonderful girl's future. she perhaps had something she needed to learn.
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