Hurting and Scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 12
Hurting and Scared
Three months ago I posted a very high bail for my addict/alcoholic son who had been in jail for nine months facing very serious charges. He has been clean and sober until last week just shy of his one year anniversary when I knew he was using again having stolen from me and his behavior changes. Of course, he denies it and continues to go to AA meetings. His using is very controlled right now, but I know it is only a matter of time when he will spiral down and get into trouble with the law. I believe I need to get the strength to revoke his bail before he gets another case or I lose a fortune. My heart is broken. I feel sick and am very depressed. I can't believe this is happening.
Do I suspend service on his cell phone and not allow him the use of my computer? I feel he is making his old connections that way.
Do I suspend service on his cell phone and not allow him the use of my computer? I feel he is making his old connections that way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
If you revoke his bail, You don't go bankrupt, His escalating use is halted and you will get an earful from your son who will accuse you of "RUINING MY LIFE!".
I am sorry that you are in this awful situation.
Don't bother with the phone etc. Pointless.
I am sorry that you are in this awful situation.
Don't bother with the phone etc. Pointless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 124
If it's a high amount that you can't afford to lose, then, YES, revoke the bail.
It's not an easy decision as a parent to do something that may land him in jail - but it's his actions that started the ball rolling.
We bailed our daughter out twice - for three cases, two were lumped in one bail - and she failed to appear for all of them . She was picked up on a warrant for one, thank goodness, before the 30 days were up and we'd have been responsible for the money. We were able to revoke the other one, because she was IN jail in another city when she was supposed to be appearing - and the bondsman was nice about it -, or it would have been $4500. He actually went to the jail and picked her up when she got out and took her to the other jail before she could flee. (What a tangled web they weave - sheesh...it's hard to keep all the shenanigans straight.)
It's scary stuff when they tell you all the right things, you believe them, and then they abuse your trust.
Bottom line: they don't care about YOUR money or how it will affect YOUR life - even if they are your children. They care about getting their drug and being out of jail to do it.
It's a very nasty position to be in, but he most likely will not show up for court which will result in a warrant ANYWAY. Revoking the bond will simply speed up the process.
There may be screaming, crying, ranting, and raving, but they KNOW why we do it. They push as far as they can, riding our good graces and our guilt as long as possible - but they KNOW there will be an end to the gravy train sooner or later.
Hugs to you...I'm sorry.
It's not an easy decision as a parent to do something that may land him in jail - but it's his actions that started the ball rolling.
We bailed our daughter out twice - for three cases, two were lumped in one bail - and she failed to appear for all of them . She was picked up on a warrant for one, thank goodness, before the 30 days were up and we'd have been responsible for the money. We were able to revoke the other one, because she was IN jail in another city when she was supposed to be appearing - and the bondsman was nice about it -, or it would have been $4500. He actually went to the jail and picked her up when she got out and took her to the other jail before she could flee. (What a tangled web they weave - sheesh...it's hard to keep all the shenanigans straight.)
It's scary stuff when they tell you all the right things, you believe them, and then they abuse your trust.
Bottom line: they don't care about YOUR money or how it will affect YOUR life - even if they are your children. They care about getting their drug and being out of jail to do it.
It's a very nasty position to be in, but he most likely will not show up for court which will result in a warrant ANYWAY. Revoking the bond will simply speed up the process.
There may be screaming, crying, ranting, and raving, but they KNOW why we do it. They push as far as they can, riding our good graces and our guilt as long as possible - but they KNOW there will be an end to the gravy train sooner or later.
Hugs to you...I'm sorry.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I have two bonding companies stored in my cell phone. They remember me and my RAD. They are the kindest people with very firm boundaries. One bounty hunter is a recovering addict. They've been firm and fair with my daughter, and have gone out of their way for her a couple of times. She respects them and didn't let them down.
Wow, YouWillBe, you brought back some memories.
Trinia, welcome to the board, sorry for the circumstances. Please follow through and protect yourself. It's self respect too. One of the memorable quotes I read here, is that we teach people how to treat us. Your instincts are good, please listen to them
Are you working a recovery program?
Wow, YouWillBe, you brought back some memories.
Trinia, welcome to the board, sorry for the circumstances. Please follow through and protect yourself. It's self respect too. One of the memorable quotes I read here, is that we teach people how to treat us. Your instincts are good, please listen to them
Are you working a recovery program?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 139
Trinia, I'm so sorry you've been put in this position. I have no advice, my AS is in jail for the 1st time, this weekend. Fortunately, his is body only, so I don't have the option of bailing him out and I'm glad. I'm probably going to have him committed when he gets out. I'm hoping that's the right thing to do. My prayers are with all moms who are in this position.
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
trinia - by all means revoke her in any way you can - my experience with my son when he relapsed this time did not involve a high bond (getting him out and into rehab after the first arrest did but he made good on all of that) when he relapsed this time it started out slow and just about the time i started picking up on it - it started snowballing outrageously - his probation officer actually let him walk out of his office after testing dirty!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is when it really got out of control - revoke, revoke, revoke.................that's far better than her committing another crime on top of all the rest
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