tjstough

I have been married to an addict for 20 yrs. We celebrated the end of June and he reproposed to me and gave me a new ring for a fresh start to a new life. He had recently completed a 4 month rehab program. The end of Sept. he came home and told me the marriage was over, we should have ended it 10 yrs ago, get a new life! He said now that he is "clean and sober" he no longer wanted the life of being married and responsibility. He said he finally had control of his life and was happy. He has not workd in 10 months and is seeing a married woman. He has left me with all he responsibility of the house, the bills and our 2 daughters. He refuses to communicate with me, help me with major home repairs that needed done and hasn't made any attempt to talk to our daughters in over 8 weeks. Is this how a "clean and sober" addict becomes once they are clean??? Every recovering addict I've spoken with said they embraced their family once they were clean and said that a recovering addict should not make any drastic changes in their lives for 12-18 months. Could any one please give me some insight? Is this normal?Two days before he left we were walking around at a local festival holding hands and telling me he loved me.

crazybabie

Welcome to SR,

I am sorry your going through such a terrible experience. I just wanted to welcome you and assure you that there will be some very insightful people come along shortly.

Hugs,

Kindeyes

tjstough
Welcome to SR.....but I am so sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

One of the strange things about addiction is that over time, we become as sick as they are. We obsess over their every action. We worry ourselves into a frenzy. We literally become physically and emotionally unhealthy. So what do we do about that?

We begin to focus on ourselves. We begin to focus on that which we can control. And in the beginning that sounds so.....selfish and strange. But it works.

Tell me about you. Tell me about what you have done for yourself while dealing with your addicted husband. What have you read? Have you attended Alanon or Naranon meetings? There are so many excellent resources to help you through this difficult time. And everyone here on SR has a lot of experience to share with you. What has worked for us. What has not.

Again, welcome to SR. I hope that you find the comfort here that I have.

gentle hugs

lc1972

Welcome and I am sorry for what has brought you here. I want to ask do you have any hobbies or activities you enjoy? If so now is the best time to put yourself into them. Like others have said meetings are a great idea. If you can try and find a counselor, I know that this has helped me tremendously. I am about to head out to my session in 5 minutes. I feel a sense of release after my appointments.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

dollydo

I am sorry, unfortunately, this behavior is not unusual.

All you can do is to move forward with your life, take time to grieve, be patient with yourself, it is a process that cannot be rushed through.

We are here for you, keep posting.