ssj22

Hello, I am new to this site and have found some strength in the posts. I am 20 plus years in recovery but now I'm experiencing my 20 year old sons self destruction. Shutting the door and saying no to that once bright eyed active little boy is worse harder for me than my own early years of addiction and recovery. Heroin is his drug of choice. Alcohol is its partner. He asked for help once and never followed through. Situations that were once occuring occassionaly are now constant. Cries for help for money, come home, his life, his fights, his injuries are now happening weekly and he can't get much thinner. All happened when my family and I stopped picking up the mess. He knows he's a pickle. I know his bottom is very close....I am just praying when he hits he comes back alive, aware, and accepts help.
Saying no is very very hard, but I know saying ok to him will keep him sick.
My heart is always in my stomach. Reading these posts have helped me reaffirm we are doing the right thing. Admitting how powerless I am over this takes constant prayer for me. I want to fix it sooo bad...

lc1972

I am so sorry for what you have to be going through at this time. My AH DOC is heroin and also enjoyed drinking with it and it is very hard thing to witness. I will be praying for you, your family and your son. When you do not have the strength anymore may he lift and guide you.

crazybabie

Welcome to SR,

I as a parent know all to well the worry of an addicted child. I have been wondering for years when my sons will hit their rock bottom. I will keep you and you family in my prayers.

Hugs,

Kindeyes

ssj22
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found and I'm glad that you have found comfort in reading some of the posts so far. But I am so very sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

You are so lucky that you are already well grounded in recovery yourself. You are able to understand what you need to do, and yes.....it is terribly hard.

My son was spiraling over the last several months. Suicide threats. Meth (DOC). Heroin. Living on the streets. Couch surfing. Detoxing. Relapsing. It has been awful. I'm sure you can relate to much of this.

My son is currently in rehab (fourth time) and we are praying that he will experience a spiritual awakening.

I will pray for your son.

gentle hugs

Freedom1990

Bless your heart for realizing this in spite of your pain.

It is possible to love a child to death.

I, like you, am 20+ years in recovery, and have a 32 year old AD.

My parents were my best enablers, and helped me continue my destructive lifestyle for 10 years.

I did prescription drugs, heroin, cocaine, acid, and eventually ended up with meth as my DOC, with alcohol always mixed in.

My bottom was sitting on the bed of a squalid dealer's house, 109 pounds (I am 6' tall), pregnant, had blown out most of the veins in my arms, and was days from death.

It took every miserable experience in my life to get to that point.

I refuse to take the same opportunity away from my AD.

God never left my side, even during my bleakest hours.

I sleep well at night knowing I have placed my AD in God's loving hands.

Sending hugs on the Kansas breezes from one mom to another.

outtolunch

More than worthy of a repeat.

Thanks for the reminder.

keepinon

Mom of a heroin addict who is in early recovery here..it's terrifying.That was always my hope as well ..a bottom and soon, but not death. We are here.

Serenity Bound

Welcome to SR! I agree that saying NO has been so very hard for me, however knowing that each time I'd say yes to $, yes to a roof over her head, yes to anything & everything could eventually be saying yes to her death. That is the thought that helped me. Admitting my powerlessness over addiction and the ability to fix her was a very good first step. SR and my naranon meetings are what keep me grounded. Putting my AD into God's loving arms is what keeps me sane.

Sending up prayers for you and your AS.

Hugs from one mom to another.
Chris

Spiritual Seeker

Welcome !
Heroin out there is very strong and lethal.
It is killing our kids at epidemic levels at this time.
I recommend that you Do continue to do all you that you can to
get your child into inpatient treatment.

litehorse

i'm so glad you came to share and gain support here - much experience and wisdom is available - i pray that your son will soon realize his need and get help - i pray that you are strengthened and comforted as you take your stand against this horrible enemy who has taken your child -

Hangin' In

ssj22,

You've joined many other mothers here who have walked and are walking the same road as you. I agree that it's the hardest thing I've ever done, but my recovery has taught me that I do not want to steal from my daughter the opportunity to learn what she needs to learn in order to get and stay sober. I have to tell myself that I do not want to steal from her the chance to grow and become the responsible person I always tried to teach her to be.

I cannot do it for her nor is there anything I can tell her to get her to realize what she is doing to herself. I am Step 1, powerless over her and her addiction. When my heart goes soft and my knees go weak, I have to remember (thank you, Lord, that I have an Al Anon group who keeps reminding me when I can't remember), that I cannot live my daughter's life. I have to give her the dignity to live her life and make her choices. She has her own path. And as much as I think my path for her is the best, my HP has shown me that I truly don't know what is best for anyone else.

Oh, it's been such a learning lesson and the lessons have mostly been about me and what I need to change in order to survive with addiction in our family.

Hugs and prayers for you and your family,
Hangin' In

coffeedrinker

ssj,

WELCOME to this forum. I hope you continue to feel the caring and supportive ways that this place has been for me, and many others.

I think I shall go to sleep tonight thinking of all the friends that I don't even know, on this board, and their addicted loved ones. Include you and yours, SSJ.

YouWillBe

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I've heard wise words at every turn on this site and am grateful for all of them. But this touched my heart right now in a way nothing else has. You've given me a new perspective - a different slant that I was struggling to find, and needed it put into words.

I am relatively new to this pain and yet have stepped out of my daughter's path and we are letting her live it herself. But it's so hard. She can't stay here any longer - and doesn't want to. We aren't bailing out, or giving money or a car. We are HERE emotionally...and a lot of people don't understand how we can 'treat' her like this. (Granted it's only physically we are letting go...and it's breaking our hearts every second that she's living this life. It's been 3 1/2 weeks since we've seen or heard from her...I worry and fret every day.)

I am going to print this out - not only for my own reading frequently, but to show to those who feel her dad and I need to do something else, something new, something, ANYTHING more for our child.

I agree...there is nothing more to do, but pray.

ssj - congratulations on your recovery. I will pray for the same for your boy.

dollydo

I want to fix it sooo bad...

But, you can't, and that is so frustrating.

I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

gotahavfaith

Thank you Hangin In. I just knew I would find what I needed today.

SSJ, I am sending up prayers for you and your son.

Gotahavfaith