my progress
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
my progress
however slight it might be, i have to accept it as progress. i have said this before, that something feels different inside me. it is such a slight difference, maybe just enough to get through the day. my insides are still twisted, my heart still races, and my mind is still flooded.
i feel a SLIGHT bit more myself. but i am still pulled by both sides: find her one time- dont find her. it is a battle every night.
i feel a SLIGHT bit more myself. but i am still pulled by both sides: find her one time- dont find her. it is a battle every night.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
It will be a battle Steve but its your battle. Seperately you two must face those deamons and I know you can do it. Its a darn learning process and not fun. So, good for today and hope for tomorrow..Smiles, Bonnie
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
It may be a battle for a long time to come but each day will get a bit easier.
I know I have been pretty hard on you Steve. Your story triggered something
in me because my RABF's ex gf was not leaving him alone when he relapsed. It was like she was taking advantage of his vulnerability to have him need her again, so that she could 'save' him. She has some emotional issues of her own that she was putting on him, someone incapable of sustaining boundaries while he was binging.
It really worried me in that her psychodrama was one more thing exacerbating his illness. She became very emotionally manipulative of him. She is also in recovery so you think she would have known better than to leave well enough alone. I'm sure she thought she was 'helping' him too. The reason they broke up? she was too obsessive and possessive in the relationship. She responded to him more like an object not capable of finding his way to get well unless she could 'guide' him.
Luckily he had the sense in his lucid moments to keep away from her. But when the dust cleared, he wants NOTHING more to do with her; not talk to her, see her, be friends, etc etc. But their story isn't uncommon and in the end the addict sees the potential harm an obsessive person can have on their recovery and will not have that person in their lives. He appreciated the fact that I left him alone. I wanted NOTHING to do with saving him, I told him many times that I knew he could do it and he had my support.
If you want any glimmer or shred of friendship or a relationship with her, you will let her find her OWN way.
I know I have been pretty hard on you Steve. Your story triggered something
in me because my RABF's ex gf was not leaving him alone when he relapsed. It was like she was taking advantage of his vulnerability to have him need her again, so that she could 'save' him. She has some emotional issues of her own that she was putting on him, someone incapable of sustaining boundaries while he was binging.
It really worried me in that her psychodrama was one more thing exacerbating his illness. She became very emotionally manipulative of him. She is also in recovery so you think she would have known better than to leave well enough alone. I'm sure she thought she was 'helping' him too. The reason they broke up? she was too obsessive and possessive in the relationship. She responded to him more like an object not capable of finding his way to get well unless she could 'guide' him.
Luckily he had the sense in his lucid moments to keep away from her. But when the dust cleared, he wants NOTHING more to do with her; not talk to her, see her, be friends, etc etc. But their story isn't uncommon and in the end the addict sees the potential harm an obsessive person can have on their recovery and will not have that person in their lives. He appreciated the fact that I left him alone. I wanted NOTHING to do with saving him, I told him many times that I knew he could do it and he had my support.
If you want any glimmer or shred of friendship or a relationship with her, you will let her find her OWN way.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Steve
Baby steps! Those slight changes of feelings are good. Personally, I have those steps forward and do a little back sliding from time to time but overall....I'm moving forward and it sounds like you are too.
Keep working on you.........it's what you can control
gentle hugs
Baby steps! Those slight changes of feelings are good. Personally, I have those steps forward and do a little back sliding from time to time but overall....I'm moving forward and it sounds like you are too.
Keep working on you.........it's what you can control
gentle hugs
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hey Steve
We all have a path to walk - a time to heal, to grow, to learn -
some of us are able to grasp this process pretty fast, some it takes a couple of tries ~ either way we learn what we need to know when we need to know it.
What I have LEARNED from you is that you are willing to listen, to admit your weakness and to keep trying to better your life ~
To often when I "slip" in my program, I wanna retreat in my little hole in the wall and not try again, but seeing others keep on trying - even NEWCOMERS to the program reminds me that I too, can make a decision which is probably not the best for me or the addict loved one and still "pick myself back up, dust myself off & try try again!"
Thanks Steve - for continuing your path - not only are you helping yourself - but you also help me!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
We all have a path to walk - a time to heal, to grow, to learn -
some of us are able to grasp this process pretty fast, some it takes a couple of tries ~ either way we learn what we need to know when we need to know it.
What I have LEARNED from you is that you are willing to listen, to admit your weakness and to keep trying to better your life ~
To often when I "slip" in my program, I wanna retreat in my little hole in the wall and not try again, but seeing others keep on trying - even NEWCOMERS to the program reminds me that I too, can make a decision which is probably not the best for me or the addict loved one and still "pick myself back up, dust myself off & try try again!"
Thanks Steve - for continuing your path - not only are you helping yourself - but you also help me!!
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Originally Posted by Babyblue 
incapable of sustaining boundaries while he was binging.
She became very emotionally manipulative of him.
she was too obsessive and possessive in the relationship. She responded to him more like an object not capable of finding his way to get well unless she could 'guide' him.
I wanted NOTHING to do with saving him, I told him many times that I knew he could do it and he had my support.
If you want any glimmer or shred of friendship or a relationship with her, you will let her find her OWN way.
Babyblue-
you did not seem too hard on me. your message has some good points. when things got really bad this summer my boundaries were gone. in the beginning i did think i could help save her but by the end i told her i understood this was on her and that i would step out of the way, but that i couldno longer give her money or help with the addiction. but that i would be there for her when the time came. inside our relationship i wasn't possessive or anything. all this weirdness that i have now has come out after she left.
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