Beating a dead horse?
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19
Beating a dead horse?
As most of you know, about my last post with confronting my friend. Well I did, but not when I was going to. I waited a couple of days after speaking to her parents about a plan of action. I know I can't change her behavior and I'm really starting to believe that she has no intention of quitting. I'm starting to believe that she's going to have to hit rock bottom to stop..but then again, maybe she just doesn't care. (ie. lose everything she has, lose her job which she loves so much: TEACHING DISABLED CHILDREN, getting arrested for whatever reason, or dying).
Last weekend, we all (her family and I) sat down with her and confronted her about her lying, deception, stealing etc...(to what end...I have no idea). She admits to us that she has a problem and wants to get help, but is unwilling to go to an inpatient program for heroin abuse. She's afraid that she's going to lose her job, which we know that will definitely happen anyway, considering her problem. She agreed to do get into an outpatient program, but with her behavior and routine, she most certainly will falter.
Early Sunday morning, she contacted her connection via text message and asked if she could meet up early again with her. Her contact replied that she had "no food." I'm not stupid and nor is her family about what that text means. Her parents had given her a new phone (which doesn't solve the problem of contacting the dealer), but they were hoping to catch who she's talking to about getting what "she needs."
That morning, her mother attempted to take the phone and look at the text messages; and boy was my girl-friend adamant about giving her mom the phone before she could delete the texts; she didn't get to. Her mom confronted her about the texts and she replied, "You have no idea how much I hurt." After initially refusing to go to a detox facility, she agreed to go and we brought her to one suggested by her doctor in NYC. She was admitted earlier this morning but is refusing to take the medication, telling the hospital staff that she's 3-days in withdrawal and is almost finished; expecting to leave soon. She tells us that the hospital said that she's almost done and doesn't need to take anymore meds...trying to manipulate us into thinking that she's ok - we all know she's full of it. She wants to leave, cause she wants to use...I know that, we know that, and you THE READERS know it too.
I dunno, maybe I'm just venting, spilling everything out of my head or BEATING A DEAD HORSE, but any advice or words of wisdom would be helpful and is always welcomed. The truth is always hard to accept, but it needs to be told.
On another note, can someone help to answer this question?
If we have the cell phone # of the person as well as the person's name of who she contacts to get the drugs, what agency would I have to submit the "contacts" cell phone #/Name to to have action taken? would it be possible for the DEA to do something about it? (ie follow the person to the supplier and arrest all involved) I'm quite positive that her contact holds a high position in the NYC Education system and that they went to graduate school at the same place and time as my friend. If action is possible, would I have to contact the NYPD or can the DEA take action? Also, is there an anonymous way to submit a tip for that situation?
Last weekend, we all (her family and I) sat down with her and confronted her about her lying, deception, stealing etc...(to what end...I have no idea). She admits to us that she has a problem and wants to get help, but is unwilling to go to an inpatient program for heroin abuse. She's afraid that she's going to lose her job, which we know that will definitely happen anyway, considering her problem. She agreed to do get into an outpatient program, but with her behavior and routine, she most certainly will falter.
Early Sunday morning, she contacted her connection via text message and asked if she could meet up early again with her. Her contact replied that she had "no food." I'm not stupid and nor is her family about what that text means. Her parents had given her a new phone (which doesn't solve the problem of contacting the dealer), but they were hoping to catch who she's talking to about getting what "she needs."
That morning, her mother attempted to take the phone and look at the text messages; and boy was my girl-friend adamant about giving her mom the phone before she could delete the texts; she didn't get to. Her mom confronted her about the texts and she replied, "You have no idea how much I hurt." After initially refusing to go to a detox facility, she agreed to go and we brought her to one suggested by her doctor in NYC. She was admitted earlier this morning but is refusing to take the medication, telling the hospital staff that she's 3-days in withdrawal and is almost finished; expecting to leave soon. She tells us that the hospital said that she's almost done and doesn't need to take anymore meds...trying to manipulate us into thinking that she's ok - we all know she's full of it. She wants to leave, cause she wants to use...I know that, we know that, and you THE READERS know it too.
I dunno, maybe I'm just venting, spilling everything out of my head or BEATING A DEAD HORSE, but any advice or words of wisdom would be helpful and is always welcomed. The truth is always hard to accept, but it needs to be told.
On another note, can someone help to answer this question?
If we have the cell phone # of the person as well as the person's name of who she contacts to get the drugs, what agency would I have to submit the "contacts" cell phone #/Name to to have action taken? would it be possible for the DEA to do something about it? (ie follow the person to the supplier and arrest all involved) I'm quite positive that her contact holds a high position in the NYC Education system and that they went to graduate school at the same place and time as my friend. If action is possible, would I have to contact the NYPD or can the DEA take action? Also, is there an anonymous way to submit a tip for that situation?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
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With all due respect, it would be best if you just backed off and let this situation flow however it's going to. If she is bound and determined to use, she is going to use. She is an adult. You cannot control her and neither can her family. Maybe if she does lose her job and is forced to face the consequences of her bad decisions, she'll seek help. Maybe not. It's not your decision, it is hers. I know how hard it is to watch someone we care about make such horrendous choices, but they are her choices to make.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
The focus on "catching" the dealer is off base. She can get drugs anywhere. The DEA in my opinion isn't going to do anything. Not will local authorities. My daughter was living in a known drug house where they were all dealing..half the people there had warrents. What will you get out of it if they catch this person..doesn't do ONE thing for your friend or you. your energies would be better spent at an Alanon meeting IMHO.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
We can't reason with an addict. It just doesn't work. We can't change them.
If there was a simple and easy way to get an addict sober, there wouldn't be any need for this forum. We would just love them and they would realize that and stop. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. And eventually, we become as sick as they are.
If they refuse to get better and accept help, we have no choice but to get help for ourselves. And sometimes, when we get better, they do too.
gentle hugs
If there was a simple and easy way to get an addict sober, there wouldn't be any need for this forum. We would just love them and they would realize that and stop. Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. And eventually, we become as sick as they are.
If they refuse to get better and accept help, we have no choice but to get help for ourselves. And sometimes, when we get better, they do too.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
You can give them the name an number won't hurt but don't hold your breath waiting for them to do anything. Our Ad was living with a dealer we told an all they wanted to know was who was supplying the dealer. Of course all police departments are different.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by cynical one 
OMG, do they not drug test people who work with children? She is a danger to these kids and needs to lose her job.
Does she have her own home?
Why are her parents paying for a phone for an adult?
What was the sense of the meeting if everyone is going to continue to enable her?
Calling the authorities on the dealer is trying to control her use, if she want's to use she will just find another supplier.
Does she have her own home?
Why are her parents paying for a phone for an adult?
What was the sense of the meeting if everyone is going to continue to enable her?
Calling the authorities on the dealer is trying to control her use, if she want's to use she will just find another supplier.
For every dealer you take off the street there are 10 to replace him...i know the deal.
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 175
I would make call also to try and get the dealer caught and have no idea who to call sorry. Only because they are also working with children though. I hope you can separate that if this one does get caught if she is not ready she will find another.
Hugs to you
Hugs to you
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Back when.....I was a real Nancy Drew. I had cell phone #'s, license plate #, addresses and next of kin for just about everyone who was associated with drugs and my daughter.
There are no resources to hunt down everyone reported as being involved with drugs and most are addicts just tying to support their own habit, not the big fish.
Accepting I had no control, not even the ability to influence a better outcome, was the hardest thing I have ever done. I eventually realized the enemy was my own ego.
There are no resources to hunt down everyone reported as being involved with drugs and most are addicts just tying to support their own habit, not the big fish.
Accepting I had no control, not even the ability to influence a better outcome, was the hardest thing I have ever done. I eventually realized the enemy was my own ego.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I'm not just a recovering codependent, but a recovering addict as well.
Be very careful when it comes to dropping a dime on a dealer.
You never know what kind of chain reaction may result.
I know firsthand that the old saying 'snitches end up in ditches' has validity to it.
Be very careful when it comes to dropping a dime on a dealer.
You never know what kind of chain reaction may result.
I know firsthand that the old saying 'snitches end up in ditches' has validity to it.
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