im back...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
im back...
hi everyone,
i was here several years ago, under a different name. i couldn't remember my log in info, so had to set up a new account. anyhow, i have continued thru the years to come here and still read and learn. Today, i am back, because today i need support. I have a 19 year old AD. Her drug of choice is heroin, and recently became in involved in crack. She has been using since the age of 13, first weed, pills, snorting herion, now injects, with this most crack use. She has been in inpatient rehab 3 times, out patient since she was 14 almost continously. she is on probatation for drug related charges, and has taken a job as an "escort" to support her habit....which of course she says, "i only dance mom"...yeah, ok.
she was arrested a month ago for new felony pocession charges. got out of jail a week and a half ago. Has been staying in my home, till a bed opened up in a half-way house. Last night, i realized she was using again. Today i called her probation officer and told him she was dirty. He/we basically tricked her into coming in, when of course he drug screened her and she failed. He took her immediatly to jail. So for tonight at least i know she is safe. She has a 45 thousand dollar bond, some i am pretty sure none of her "friends" will get her out. and i certainly am not. I am however, questioning myself if i did the right thing/the wrong thing...or even what the hell i am doing at all most days. i feel like i did the right thing. she wouldn't go to treatment. she talked about it, says she needs help, and then uses instead. i was scared for her life. i come home from work, and wonder if she is dead on a daily basis. my nerves and sanity cannot take it any longer. I am hoping that with this jail time, and hopefully mandatory treatment and drugcourt she can stay away long enough to wrap her head around being clean. it was my last hope. my daughter has a 400 dollar a day habit, not to mention what she doesn't pay for. a "job" that is dangerous not to mention disgusting. Of course it is a legal escort business. the owner only went to jail a few years ago for prostitution. my nerves are shot, my hair is turning grey, and i need to know, did i do the right thing. ....i basically had my daugher arrested and put in jail for quite sometime today. opinions????....thank you for listening.
i was here several years ago, under a different name. i couldn't remember my log in info, so had to set up a new account. anyhow, i have continued thru the years to come here and still read and learn. Today, i am back, because today i need support. I have a 19 year old AD. Her drug of choice is heroin, and recently became in involved in crack. She has been using since the age of 13, first weed, pills, snorting herion, now injects, with this most crack use. She has been in inpatient rehab 3 times, out patient since she was 14 almost continously. she is on probatation for drug related charges, and has taken a job as an "escort" to support her habit....which of course she says, "i only dance mom"...yeah, ok.
she was arrested a month ago for new felony pocession charges. got out of jail a week and a half ago. Has been staying in my home, till a bed opened up in a half-way house. Last night, i realized she was using again. Today i called her probation officer and told him she was dirty. He/we basically tricked her into coming in, when of course he drug screened her and she failed. He took her immediatly to jail. So for tonight at least i know she is safe. She has a 45 thousand dollar bond, some i am pretty sure none of her "friends" will get her out. and i certainly am not. I am however, questioning myself if i did the right thing/the wrong thing...or even what the hell i am doing at all most days. i feel like i did the right thing. she wouldn't go to treatment. she talked about it, says she needs help, and then uses instead. i was scared for her life. i come home from work, and wonder if she is dead on a daily basis. my nerves and sanity cannot take it any longer. I am hoping that with this jail time, and hopefully mandatory treatment and drugcourt she can stay away long enough to wrap her head around being clean. it was my last hope. my daughter has a 400 dollar a day habit, not to mention what she doesn't pay for. a "job" that is dangerous not to mention disgusting. Of course it is a legal escort business. the owner only went to jail a few years ago for prostitution. my nerves are shot, my hair is turning grey, and i need to know, did i do the right thing. ....i basically had my daugher arrested and put in jail for quite sometime today. opinions????....thank you for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
First let me say welcome back, I just recently returned myself. IMO, you did what you felt you needed too in order to keep your daughter safe. I have 2 addicted sons and an addicted husband. One of my sons stays in and out of jail I feel at peace when he is in jail because I know for that period of time he is, safe.
Was it right or wrong I can't say, I do know we are not suppose to stand in their way of conquences, you just helped hers come a little faster. Others with much more knowledge will be along shortly with much wiser advice and opinons.
Are you going to any meetings? I hope so because you can't change her but you can change you.
Hugs,
Was it right or wrong I can't say, I do know we are not suppose to stand in their way of conquences, you just helped hers come a little faster. Others with much more knowledge will be along shortly with much wiser advice and opinons.
Are you going to any meetings? I hope so because you can't change her but you can change you.
Hugs,
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I support your decision. She is so young, because of her age she has the best chance she will ever have to get and stay clean. The longer the addiction goes on, the harder it is to work and keep a recovery mindset.
Don't second guess your decision, just pray for a miracle!
Don't second guess your decision, just pray for a miracle!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Tangerine, GOD BLESS YOU, you did the right thing. You are a good strong mom who loves her daughter. You saved your daughters life for today. If she doesn't die from an overdose, she might contract aids, or hepatitis. She is only 19 and feels like she is invisible. Like nothing can hurt her. Well she is wrong. She is damaging herself, and it's your job as a mother to do what it takes to save your daughters life. I admire you. You did just that. If she sits in jail for a while, she can't shoot up, she can't smoke crack, and she can't be an escort. She has to detox, which is good. They have medical there in jail if she needs that. She will not be pampered and enabled in any way. She will sit in her cell, and realize that this will be her life if she doesn't change. From one mom to another, my heart goes out to you Tangerine. I know how draining and hurtful it is when our babies are on drugs. It's the most painful thing I have ever endured. Don't give up hope, and don't have guilt. Would you rather be kneeling at her coffin tomorrow? Jail is better right now. Your daughter is still young, and she has a chance to change her life around. Hold on to hope, and in the meanwhile, you need to take care of yourself. My son's addiction almost killed me. I barely functioned.
If you want information to your old account, contact a moderator, and they will give you a new password so you can log in. That way you will be able to message people right away without waiting for enough posts.
I sure hope your daughter learns to change her life around. Pray for a person to guide her to recovery. Someone that she can relate to, who will be a good influence on her. It's sad because it's a brain disease. The chemicals get in the brain, and the addict is obsessed with the drug. Love and support her, don't enable her in any way. I believe that you did the right thing, and I give you credit. I'm saying a prayer for GOD to touch that child, and heal her.
If you want information to your old account, contact a moderator, and they will give you a new password so you can log in. That way you will be able to message people right away without waiting for enough posts.
I sure hope your daughter learns to change her life around. Pray for a person to guide her to recovery. Someone that she can relate to, who will be a good influence on her. It's sad because it's a brain disease. The chemicals get in the brain, and the addict is obsessed with the drug. Love and support her, don't enable her in any way. I believe that you did the right thing, and I give you credit. I'm saying a prayer for GOD to touch that child, and heal her.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
i have not gone to a meeting yet. i know i should be, and i know i need to be. i have even gone to the building, and not gotten out of the car. i just can't find the strength to walk into that room. i feel somedays i barely have to the strength to go to work. i feel like i eat, sleep, and breathe, addiction. her addiction to heroin, and mine to her. I have gotten better thru the years with my enabling. i was a really good one too! ....she called tonight from jail, and is very very mad at me. she knows i called her po. i just told her i loved her and would not take anymore of her calls this night. she is already sick, and she used this morning. i found her locked in the bathroom. its just the two of us. no reason to lock the bathroom unless your doing something you shouldn't. of course, she says she wasn't doing anything. .....(i can't remember which email account i set up the sr account with...it's ok, this is fine.)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Tangerine,
You didn't put her in jail. She did. She is better off. Who cares how it got done? I am sick of revolving door justice with people like your daughter. It just gives them a lengthy rap sheet and no real chance at recovery/rehabilitation. It is the ONLY way to get her attention. I would think she was in far more danger on her own.
You are a strong mother. Hugs to you and your daughter.
You didn't put her in jail. She did. She is better off. Who cares how it got done? I am sick of revolving door justice with people like your daughter. It just gives them a lengthy rap sheet and no real chance at recovery/rehabilitation. It is the ONLY way to get her attention. I would think she was in far more danger on her own.
You are a strong mother. Hugs to you and your daughter.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Tangerine, Well ofcourse your daughter is mad, because she can't use her drugs right now. She will get over it. One day she will thank you for doing this. You saved her life. I know what you mean when you say you barely function. I didn't eat, sleep, or do anything for almost 3 years. I was addicted to saving my sons life. I enabled him in the beginning too. Don't feel bad about that, you did it with good intentions, and you didn't know better then. Now you do. You thought that you were helping, and did what any mom would do. I have to admit that Naranon helped me to realize that my childs life is not more valuable than my own. I always felt that if my son dies, or is sick, then my life isn't worth living. I chased him around for almost 3 years. Pulling him out of drug houses, and following him everywhere. He wasn't ready to get straight at that time, and all it did was make me sick. I now realize that doesn't work. When I first went to Naranon, and they told me not to do this and that for my son, I didn't like what they were saying. But after another year of his addiction, I realized that they were right. I'm not one for going to meetings. So, I went to about 3 meetings, and learned enough to give me a few tools to work with regarding my sons addiction. There were so many other moms like us there.
Do you need to accept calls from jail, or can she call you direct? You don't have to admit that you called her PO. Bringing her drugs into your home is illegal, and she can get you locked up. You did what you had to do. In a few days the drug will be out of her system, and then it's all mental. The physical part will be over. Keep posting. I will be thinking of you and praying for your daughter to get well. Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, try to rest, and try to let go of the situation. I know I couldn't. But maybe your stronger than I. I was consumed. I only have one child and he is my heart. I was so afraid he would die. I'm sure you love your daughter just as much. It's only natural.
Try to be good to yourself, and don't feel guilty. This is the best thing you could do for her right now. I know it hurts, and it feels bad, but you really didn't have a choice.
Do you need to accept calls from jail, or can she call you direct? You don't have to admit that you called her PO. Bringing her drugs into your home is illegal, and she can get you locked up. You did what you had to do. In a few days the drug will be out of her system, and then it's all mental. The physical part will be over. Keep posting. I will be thinking of you and praying for your daughter to get well. Take care of yourself. Eat, sleep, try to rest, and try to let go of the situation. I know I couldn't. But maybe your stronger than I. I was consumed. I only have one child and he is my heart. I was so afraid he would die. I'm sure you love your daughter just as much. It's only natural.
Try to be good to yourself, and don't feel guilty. This is the best thing you could do for her right now. I know it hurts, and it feels bad, but you really didn't have a choice.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
tangerinegirl
Welcome back to SR......but I'm so sorry for the circumstances that bring us all here.
It's tough sometimes to find the words to comfort a mother who is aching so badly about the choices her child has made in their life. We have visions of our children's lives as they unfold and those visions don't include needles or alcohol or drugs.
You did a very courageous thing by talking to her PO. She is now safe.
We never know what is going to finally get through to them or who they might meet that can communicate with them in a way that they understand. It could happen in jail. It could happen on the streets. It could happen in a rehab. We just never know.
Meetings. All of us who go to meetings had to drum up the courage to step through those doors. It's hard. The first few meetings I went to I couldn't even talk. I just sat there with tears running down my face or worse......sobbing audibly. I wasn't ridiculed. I wasn't made to feel foolish. I was hugged and welcomed. Everyone in those meetings has been where you are......it takes courage to walk in to a room and face other people and say "My child is addicted." We're afraid of judgement. We're afraid that we'll be seen as a failure as a mother. But all of those people are dealing with alcoholism or addiction just like you. They will embrace you and help you begin your journey of recovery.
Our children are sick. But we don't love them any less. We are also sick. Addiction does that to us. We need to realize that we are deserving of the compassion and care that we want to give our children. We need to make changes so that we can be healthy for them. We need to turn some of that love and nurturing inward toward ourselves.
I truly hope that you find the courage to begin going to meetings. They seem strange at first (or at least they did to me) but after a while, the things that seemed strange at first......become comforting.
I'm glad you're here. I hope you stick around and share your story. We all learn from each other.
gentle hugs
Welcome back to SR......but I'm so sorry for the circumstances that bring us all here.
It's tough sometimes to find the words to comfort a mother who is aching so badly about the choices her child has made in their life. We have visions of our children's lives as they unfold and those visions don't include needles or alcohol or drugs.
You did a very courageous thing by talking to her PO. She is now safe.
We never know what is going to finally get through to them or who they might meet that can communicate with them in a way that they understand. It could happen in jail. It could happen on the streets. It could happen in a rehab. We just never know.
Meetings. All of us who go to meetings had to drum up the courage to step through those doors. It's hard. The first few meetings I went to I couldn't even talk. I just sat there with tears running down my face or worse......sobbing audibly. I wasn't ridiculed. I wasn't made to feel foolish. I was hugged and welcomed. Everyone in those meetings has been where you are......it takes courage to walk in to a room and face other people and say "My child is addicted." We're afraid of judgement. We're afraid that we'll be seen as a failure as a mother. But all of those people are dealing with alcoholism or addiction just like you. They will embrace you and help you begin your journey of recovery.
Our children are sick. But we don't love them any less. We are also sick. Addiction does that to us. We need to realize that we are deserving of the compassion and care that we want to give our children. We need to make changes so that we can be healthy for them. We need to turn some of that love and nurturing inward toward ourselves.
I truly hope that you find the courage to begin going to meetings. They seem strange at first (or at least they did to me) but after a while, the things that seemed strange at first......become comforting.
I'm glad you're here. I hope you stick around and share your story. We all learn from each other.
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
i did the eat sleep and not function thing probaly around 4 years ago. i was sick to the point my doc wanted to put me in the hospital. i of course said no, because i had to be home with her. i have since moved from that place, and am here... i now know, that it wasn't my fault. i did blame me for a long time. I wasn't a bad mother. I know this....most days anyhow. still question my self from time to time, but that is usually when other people question me. people that dont know, that don't have an addicted child. people who always think they know exactly what i should do. That they "just wouldn't put up with that behavior"....to those people i say ...kiss it. they have nooo flippin idea. my daughter went from a straight a student, captain of the cheerleading squad to a full blown heroin banger. i don't know why, i don't know how. i just know, it happened. and now i am fighting for her life. even if she isn't.......i definatly need to reconsider meetings. i need support. my family doesn't get it. my dad's answer is for me to move to another state. unfortunatly, not an option. but im pretty sure they have heroin in florida also. and my mom just gets embarrassed and tries to make it out to not be as bad as it is. After this month, and especially today, ...being around people that don't judge sounds like a really good idea.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Originally Posted by tangerinegirl 
i did the eat sleep and not function thing probaly around 4 years ago. i was sick to the point my doc wanted to put me in the hospital. i of course said no, because i had to be home with her. i have since moved from that place, and am here... i now know, that it wasn't my fault. i did blame me for a long time. I wasn't a bad mother. I know this....most days anyhow. still question my self from time to time, but that is usually when other people question me. people that dont know, that don't have an addicted child. people who always think they know exactly what i should do. That they "just wouldn't put up with that behavior"....to those people i say ...kiss it. they have nooo flippin idea. my daughter went from a straight a student, captain of the cheerleading squad to a full blown heroin banger. i don't know why, i don't know how. i just know, it happened. and now i am fighting for her life. even if she isn't.......i definatly need to reconsider meetings. i need support. my family doesn't get it. my dad's answer is for me to move to another state. unfortunatly, not an option. but im pretty sure they have heroin in florida also. and my mom just gets embarrassed and tries to make it out to not be as bad as it is. After this month, and especially today, ...being around people that don't judge sounds like a really good idea.
It's up to her, and it doesn't matter what state she is in. Drugs are everywhere. All over this country, all over the world. It's up to your daughter if she is going to use or not. Heroin is all over the place now. I watched 20/20the other night. It's affecting younger and younger kids all the time now. It''s a big problem and nobody is doing anything about it. It makes me sick to see these beautiful kids being destroyed by this garbage. One thing I can honestly say is that your daughter has no clue how much she is hurting herself or you. Her brain is sick, and she can't help herself. Addiction is a very serious disease. The good news is that it can be arrested, but the addict has to want it. Hang on to hope, and Pray for your daughter. My heart goes out to you. Florida is a bad state when it comes to drugs, and the police are very tough and will lock you up and give you alotof hard time. Try to take care of yourself. Some really great people are addicts. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much over this child. I"ve been there and done that, so I can honestly say I know how you feel. Naranon has many other moms like us. You will find alot of support there. No body will judge you or your daughter. You will get help, and comfort and understanding. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
no, im not moving to florida. My Dad lives there. That's why he wants me to go there. Heroin is rampant where i live now. apparently it is the "new" drug the kids are doing. I hear all the time, another one has fallen to that crap. Its everywhere. that's for sure.
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
tangerinegirl - welcome and i also am so sorry for the reason for your coming back but you will certainly find lots of support and wisdom here - i completely support your actions for your daughter's sake - she is safe and sober and has a chance to think - before my son was arrested this past time he had visited his probation officer and had tested dirty but his po let him walk out of his office that day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rather than lock him up - i don't blame him for my son's choices but i do say that if he had locked him up that day that my son would not have had the opportunity to commit the crime he was arrested for - but bottom line once my son was arrested his drug use stopped and he was able to come to his senses again (this was a relapse after about 9 months clean) i'm so glad that you were able to do this and give your daughter a chance to think clearly - i will pray for you and her as you both make this journey
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
tangerinegirl-
i am sorry for the circumstances that caused you to find you way back here, but hope you find some peace here. the addict in my life also on heroin and crack and "escorting." i feel much the same as you, but can never feel the same because my addict is not my daughter, but a girlfriend/friend. the relationships are different between us and our addicts, but the pain is fromthe sme circumstances. i think you did what you felt was best for her, and maybe this is what she needs. i would feel better with her being in jail then on the streets doing what she does. i hope she gets better and i hope you get better too.
i am sorry for the circumstances that caused you to find you way back here, but hope you find some peace here. the addict in my life also on heroin and crack and "escorting." i feel much the same as you, but can never feel the same because my addict is not my daughter, but a girlfriend/friend. the relationships are different between us and our addicts, but the pain is fromthe sme circumstances. i think you did what you felt was best for her, and maybe this is what she needs. i would feel better with her being in jail then on the streets doing what she does. i hope she gets better and i hope you get better too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
tangerine and other parents on here I send you all a hug!! although we are all dealing with addicts in our lifes, I cant ever imagine what you as parents are going through. nothing could be worse than seeing your child ill. It truly breaks my heart to hear young people addicted and to read about the tremendous pain you all feel as parents just saddens me.
god bless you all
god bless you all
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
[QUOTE=tangerinegirl;2754156]i have not gone to a meeting yet. i know i should be, and i know i need to be. i have even gone to the building, and not gotten out of the car. i just can't find the strength to walk into that room. QUOTE]
I well I know that feeling last week was my first meeting and I could thin of 100 reasons not to go and only one to go. I am so glad I went everyone there was just like me. I also know the feeling of depression taking over I can take a bath and that is all the energy I have for that day and I really didn't have that energy had to force it.
Best of luck, keep reading keep posting the people here are wonderful.
Hugs,
I well I know that feeling last week was my first meeting and I could thin of 100 reasons not to go and only one to go. I am so glad I went everyone there was just like me. I also know the feeling of depression taking over I can take a bath and that is all the energy I have for that day and I really didn't have that energy had to force it.
Best of luck, keep reading keep posting the people here are wonderful.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
tangerinegirl,
WELCOME to sober recovery
I hope you will feel at home, and comfortable here. we have this shield, so you can say anything you want, any time. we're open every minute of every day.
and....
we care about you.
WELCOME to sober recovery
I hope you will feel at home, and comfortable here. we have this shield, so you can say anything you want, any time. we're open every minute of every day.
and....
we care about you.
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