jail
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
jail
i know i still seem in a desperate place, but i have been reading a lot, thinking a lot, and trying to work this all out. last night i found myself in a better place then this morning i got call that she was in a better place- jail.
a cop we know had been spotting her and telling her to get out or he'd pick her up one day. he did this morning. he told me she looked pretty rough. she has $3000 fines in old warrants. it is saturday morning which means she won't get out until monday at the earliest, but i hope they keep her this time.
it's weird timing that last night i felt something releasing from me and that she got picked up today.
a cop we know had been spotting her and telling her to get out or he'd pick her up one day. he did this morning. he told me she looked pretty rough. she has $3000 fines in old warrants. it is saturday morning which means she won't get out until monday at the earliest, but i hope they keep her this time.
it's weird timing that last night i felt something releasing from me and that she got picked up today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
steve,
are you going to stay away from the jail?
are you not, going to bail her out, or put money on her books?
if you do anything to release her from this consequence, it will be you who pays the dearest, and she will be back to where she goes.
stay away. no contact. none.
beth
are you going to stay away from the jail?
are you not, going to bail her out, or put money on her books?
if you do anything to release her from this consequence, it will be you who pays the dearest, and she will be back to where she goes.
stay away. no contact. none.
beth
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
I agree Steve, DO NOT BAIL HER OUT. THE best thing that happened for my xah was jail. It was the ONLY thing that would have gotten him clean. He will tell you himself he had NO intentions of going to a rehab, even though he was spewing rehab talk to his family and I. Leave her be in there. No calls, nothing. I'm sure the calls will start, don't even put yourself through hearing the whining, begging and pleading.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
Good Steve, don't even take her calls, you'll only set YOURSELF up for misery. Do NOT go visit her either. Step out of the way and let this process through without your intervention. They've got medical there to help her through the detox as best they can.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Steve, I have just one questions here...
What are you doing for YOU?
This circus will continue all day every day until you do something for you and stop the insanity. You can do nothing for her, maybe it's time to stop the drama and do something for yourself?
Meetings are a good start.
What are you doing for YOU?
This circus will continue all day every day until you do something for you and stop the insanity. You can do nothing for her, maybe it's time to stop the drama and do something for yourself?
Meetings are a good start.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by steve1840 
no, i dont want to visit. i was just wondering how that all works. still dont know how much time she'll get
You say that this is the 'only' side we see of you on this board because this is where you share your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself. How many waking hours do you spend every day when you are NOT posting/reading on SR, giving up space in your head, rent-free, to her in some manner?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
Originally Posted by steve1840
i know i still seem in a desperate place, but i have been reading a lot, thinking a lot, and trying to work this all out. last night i found myself in a better place then this morning i got call that she was in a better place- jail.
a cop we know had been spotting her and telling her to get out or he'd pick her up one day. he did this morning. he told me she looked pretty rough. she has $3000 fines in old warrants. it is saturday morning which means she won't get out until monday at the earliest, but i hope they keep her this time.
it's weird timing that last night i felt something releasing from me and that she got picked up today.
a cop we know had been spotting her and telling her to get out or he'd pick her up one day. he did this morning. he told me she looked pretty rough. she has $3000 fines in old warrants. it is saturday morning which means she won't get out until monday at the earliest, but i hope they keep her this time.
it's weird timing that last night i felt something releasing from me and that she got picked up today.
I too know many of the cops here in town, I havent used them to arrest my AH for driving under the influence, so he would go to rehab,which I could have plenty of times when he lived here. I figured he would get caught by himself anyhow (which he still hasnt) but I dont think intentionally stepping in and using police to get someone into rehab or sober is the answer and it isnt.
why are you continuing this obession that you can cure her and using all kind of antics?
The truth shall set you free
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 5,267
You know what is so funny about all this?
While she be out in a few days back out on the streets with a vengeance of her own free will, your a prisoner of your own mind serving a life sentence.
Sad - very sad.
Steve, are you afraid to get cured.
Love you brother
TB
While she be out in a few days back out on the streets with a vengeance of her own free will, your a prisoner of your own mind serving a life sentence.
Sad - very sad.
Steve, are you afraid to get cured.
Love you brother
TB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
One question for you Steve... why do you keep tabs on her and what she is doing? If I sound cold it is because there is something troubling to me about a man that obsesses THIS much over a woman. Particularly a woman who is in a very vulnerable state as she is. Why is a cop reporting to you? Cop friend or not.
Even if your motives are coming from a 'good place' this is a toxic type of situation for both of you and you do know that. But there is lots of 'what is she thinking? What is she doing? where is she? who is she with?' types of questions which are painting a picture of a man entering into that dangerous obsessive territory. Prove me wrong Steve.
Even if your motives are coming from a 'good place' this is a toxic type of situation for both of you and you do know that. But there is lots of 'what is she thinking? What is she doing? where is she? who is she with?' types of questions which are painting a picture of a man entering into that dangerous obsessive territory. Prove me wrong Steve.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
If this were an alanon/naranon meeting we would be suggesting that you keep the focus on you and not the addict in your life. I don't understand your focus of just updating us on the latest escapade of what is going on with her sad life.
Are you concerned that your focus here is on her and what she is up to? There isn't a one of us that is surprised about anything that you are reporting that she does. We've all lived with the same to some extent or another.
Are you concerned that your focus here is on her and what she is up to? There isn't a one of us that is surprised about anything that you are reporting that she does. We've all lived with the same to some extent or another.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Steve
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for the addicts we love is step out of the way and let their higher power do the work that we aren't qualified to do. I'm saying this as much for myself as I'm saying it for you........let go and let her higher power do his job. She's in jail.....see......he's already working on her.
Now.....what are you going to do for Steve today?
gentle hugs
Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for the addicts we love is step out of the way and let their higher power do the work that we aren't qualified to do. I'm saying this as much for myself as I'm saying it for you........let go and let her higher power do his job. She's in jail.....see......he's already working on her.
Now.....what are you going to do for Steve today?
gentle hugs
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
Steve - i've read your posts and the responses for several weeks now and i know how much you are hurting over this situation - i also, as all the others here, have had to fight our codie demons- please, for your sake, listen to the wisdom that is being shared - you must let her go her path, and free yourself to become a whole, healthy person - you want her to be well but you have no control over that - what you can control is you - if she does get into active recovery and you haven't what have you gained?
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