how do you "let go" of anger?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
keepinon, I have been the stuffin it kind of gal. And I can tell you that just does NOT work, because sometime down the road I blow....and I really mean BLOW, and of course it is never at what I'm trully angry about. I do believe that realizing my anger can be from fear helps, because then I can go to God. Since my AD has 8 mos in recovery, I'm really trying to let her own her own recovery and keep to my side of the street. Yea, she still bugs me, things she does/or doesn't do............then I remember that she is clean, and I'm just so grateful for that I tend to let the other sh!t go.
I also use humor.
Hugs
Chris
I also use humor.
Hugs
Chris
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I found the antidote to anger and resentments was compassion and forgiveness.
I changed seats, so to speak, and saw it all from a different perspective. Only a sick person could behave like that and I cannot hate anyone that sick.
Forgiveness is letting go of the pain we attach to a person or event. It doesn't mean we let them back into our lives or repeat the errors we made, it just means we stop letting anger fester in our souls anymore.
It's been said here many times that holding resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
The things that made me angry are no longer in my life today...so hanging on to the anger would just carry them as extra baggage.
Hugs
I changed seats, so to speak, and saw it all from a different perspective. Only a sick person could behave like that and I cannot hate anyone that sick.
Forgiveness is letting go of the pain we attach to a person or event. It doesn't mean we let them back into our lives or repeat the errors we made, it just means we stop letting anger fester in our souls anymore.
It's been said here many times that holding resentments is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
The things that made me angry are no longer in my life today...so hanging on to the anger would just carry them as extra baggage.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
Very nicely put Ann, I have some anger towards a couple of people who have hurt me deeply. I have been trying to forgive them, and find compassion for them, however, I'm not there yet. I know it's what I need to do. I pray and I go to church and believe in GOD, and yet, I cannot forgive these two certain individuals. They have caused so much hurt in my family. I guess I am poisoned for now. I need to get rid of that poison. Sometimes it takes time. Although we know what we should do, sometimes we are not capable. Thank You Ann. I will keep this in mind, when my anger flares up. I can definitely relate to Keepinon. Hurt is hurt, and when we are hurt, we get angry. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Hi keepinon--
Once upon a time, a girl who struggled with a lot of anger (me), decided to make a concerted effort and work on 'it' (anger).
Many times- when we breakdown, strip away, and disect anger- the emotion was bred from sadness.
I would suspect that if you broke down what you are experiencing with many people- is an overwhelming amount of sadness. Sadness that they don't understand your anger. Sadness that you are not being validated. Sadness that things aren't the way you expected. Sadness that your love and concern has been rejected and/or dismissed by selfish people around you... etc.
Sometimes we really want to hollar "NO I'M REALLLLY JUST ANGRY!!!!!" But, 9 out of 10 times when any emotion is resurfacing over and over, it's much deeper. Even something as trivial as a co-worker backstabbing you, and you think, "I'm angry she did this!" nope. chances are, deep down inside, there is a place where you feel hurt, betrayed, and disenchanted-- becasue we expect people to play nice. However, the cold reality of it all, is people aren't always kind, conciderate, loving, and honest. By simply being 'human', we are exposed to the ills of the world, and sometimes it cuts deep.
Emotion is the one thing we can't localize in the brain, (whereas we can localize speech, movement, reflexes, etc.). Therefore, everything we 'feel' is just that- what we 'think' we feel, how we 'interpret' our experiences, and our 'emotions'.
I would challenge you to write out what angers you. When you have it all down (regardless of how long the list is...
) I then would tell you to be honest with yourself. Take each thing you wrote and really look at it. Ask youself, what HURTS you about that same situation you are angry about. It may surprise you. You may cry. Crying is always theraputic, and phisiologically changes the brain and blood chemistry. Perhaps you'll find it brings a sense of relief, or peace.
It's a lot of work, to work on anger. But I promise, if you really, really, try- you will come to terms with it.
Let me know if you think it's something you can try. Also, remember it's just a feeling. It's natural and normal to have them!
Best,
Cess
Once upon a time, a girl who struggled with a lot of anger (me), decided to make a concerted effort and work on 'it' (anger).
Many times- when we breakdown, strip away, and disect anger- the emotion was bred from sadness.
I would suspect that if you broke down what you are experiencing with many people- is an overwhelming amount of sadness. Sadness that they don't understand your anger. Sadness that you are not being validated. Sadness that things aren't the way you expected. Sadness that your love and concern has been rejected and/or dismissed by selfish people around you... etc.
Sometimes we really want to hollar "NO I'M REALLLLY JUST ANGRY!!!!!" But, 9 out of 10 times when any emotion is resurfacing over and over, it's much deeper. Even something as trivial as a co-worker backstabbing you, and you think, "I'm angry she did this!" nope. chances are, deep down inside, there is a place where you feel hurt, betrayed, and disenchanted-- becasue we expect people to play nice. However, the cold reality of it all, is people aren't always kind, conciderate, loving, and honest. By simply being 'human', we are exposed to the ills of the world, and sometimes it cuts deep.
Emotion is the one thing we can't localize in the brain, (whereas we can localize speech, movement, reflexes, etc.). Therefore, everything we 'feel' is just that- what we 'think' we feel, how we 'interpret' our experiences, and our 'emotions'.
I would challenge you to write out what angers you. When you have it all down (regardless of how long the list is...
) I then would tell you to be honest with yourself. Take each thing you wrote and really look at it. Ask youself, what HURTS you about that same situation you are angry about. It may surprise you. You may cry. Crying is always theraputic, and phisiologically changes the brain and blood chemistry. Perhaps you'll find it brings a sense of relief, or peace.It's a lot of work, to work on anger. But I promise, if you really, really, try- you will come to terms with it.
Let me know if you think it's something you can try. Also, remember it's just a feeling. It's natural and normal to have them!
Best,
Cess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
It does make sense..of course hurt is behind alot of my feelings.I have been doing some writing on my anger regarding my daughter.There is alot of disappointment, sadness, regret, and confusion there. I am just not in agreement with the "life coach' that we can't work on it because I'm too angry.I am actually going to send the lettr that I wanted to send just expressing how her addiction has affected me and that she needs to step up in the relationship and start giving as well as taking, being kind, considerate because I am no longer willing to have a one sided relationship with anyone.
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