Selfish
Thanks so much Kindeyes.
I've been stuck in this place for so long. I know I'm leaving. I know I'm not moving forward with him. I'm just standing still. And I can't move... because I have so many fears. And I've TOLD him there's nothing he can do to prove to me that he's not an addict and I tell him why and he just brushes all that aside and just tries harder. He tells me I'm crazy when I say I know he has a problem. The fact that he's going to think that I'm the one giving up and letting him down is really hard for me. I want him to have everything he wants from life so badly. He's worked really hard. We both have. And it's just so hard to give up.
I've been stuck in this place for so long. I know I'm leaving. I know I'm not moving forward with him. I'm just standing still. And I can't move... because I have so many fears. And I've TOLD him there's nothing he can do to prove to me that he's not an addict and I tell him why and he just brushes all that aside and just tries harder. He tells me I'm crazy when I say I know he has a problem. The fact that he's going to think that I'm the one giving up and letting him down is really hard for me. I want him to have everything he wants from life so badly. He's worked really hard. We both have. And it's just so hard to give up.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
AND, why can I not get over thinking that I'M going to hurt him??
Sometimes we just have to put on our big girl panties and do whats right for us. Even if it's hard. We just do it. Because it's right. Not because it's easy.
Maybe you need help. Counseling. Meetings. Something to get you unstuck. But only you can figure out what that is.
I heard the best thing on the radio this afternoon. Do you know what the difference is between a dream and a goal? An action plan.
aka Miss Scarlett O'Hara
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 364
I was going to counseling for a while. The person I was seeing was great when my life had just been turned upside down and I needed an outside perspective. But after a while, I didn't feel I was getting any advise, but mostly just paying someone to listen, so I stopped going. I haven't regularly attended alanon, and I know that it could potentially help me, but then I'd have to go through the hassle with abf about why I'd go there when he doesn't have a problem... blah blah blah. Again, I guess it's conflict avoidance.
I'm really glad I posted this. I hadn't been coming here for a while. I was getting closer at one point to leaving. I had been scoping out places to stay and sort of getting a plan together. Then I was unexpectedly laid off from my job and my focus changed for a while to trying to getting back on my feet in that respect. I'm ready now to put my focus back to moving forward again. I need to stop letting things get in my way. He had surgery on his foot recently and was non weight-bearing for 8 weeks. Well, how can I possibly leave him when he can't even walk? Now the holidays will be coming up... so how can I possibly leave him right before the holidays?? See... all kinds of excuses for why not to move forward. I keep waiting for the perfect time and to have the perfect plan and I think I just need to realize that that's just not gonna happen. Time to go shopping for big girl panties? I'm not really sure I own any...
I'm really glad I posted this. I hadn't been coming here for a while. I was getting closer at one point to leaving. I had been scoping out places to stay and sort of getting a plan together. Then I was unexpectedly laid off from my job and my focus changed for a while to trying to getting back on my feet in that respect. I'm ready now to put my focus back to moving forward again. I need to stop letting things get in my way. He had surgery on his foot recently and was non weight-bearing for 8 weeks. Well, how can I possibly leave him when he can't even walk? Now the holidays will be coming up... so how can I possibly leave him right before the holidays?? See... all kinds of excuses for why not to move forward. I keep waiting for the perfect time and to have the perfect plan and I think I just need to realize that that's just not gonna happen. Time to go shopping for big girl panties? I'm not really sure I own any...
We are fragile beings too. Please take care of you.
gentle hugs
If you continue to wait for the perfect time and perfect plan you will stay stuck in your codependency, in your unhappy life.
You hold the key to your future in the palm of your hand. Put the key in the lock, walk through the door, and move forward with your life. Admit it, he is not the right person for you, period, end of conversation.
He is stronger than you think, he like all addicts are drama queens, they will use every tool in their box to get what the want. My ex could turn the crock tears on at will, quite a performance, he should have been on a soap opera!
Do what is right for you, he is an adult and your not his mama.
You hold the key to your future in the palm of your hand. Put the key in the lock, walk through the door, and move forward with your life. Admit it, he is not the right person for you, period, end of conversation.
He is stronger than you think, he like all addicts are drama queens, they will use every tool in their box to get what the want. My ex could turn the crock tears on at will, quite a performance, he should have been on a soap opera!
Do what is right for you, he is an adult and your not his mama.
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