Another country heard from.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Another country heard from.....
Well, I received a call today from my AS. He is once again asking to talk. He says he realizes that he needs help and that he cannot go on living this way. But talk is cheap......we all know that rehab isn't.
I don't know where this is going but I do know one thing. He needs to want to help HIMSELF.......not just want help. He needs to be ready, willing, and able to do the work because I cannot (and will not) do it for him.
My husband and I are going to go pick him up in a little while so that we can meet with him and listen to what he has to say. His way hasn't worked--I am hoping he is ready to surrender himself to the process of recovery.
We haven't seen him since August. I'm a bit afraid to see what he looks like at this point.
About that higher power.........this morning while I was in the shower (ok....perhaps not the most conventional place to pray) I literally fell to my knees sobbing asking my Higher Power to help me help myself and to help my son help himself. Is this his answer? I don't know. Or is this just another test of my endurance or faith?
I think I'll say another prayer asking for further guidance and the courage to be strong, calm, and secure in my program. I am placing my full faith in God today to guide me, help me find the right words to say, and to help me to be compassionate and loving without being enabling. I will keep all of you and your collective wisdom in my mind. I will not react immediately without considerable thought. I will hold on to my emotions tightly. I will reach deep within myself and muster up the courage and strength to control........me.
I am going to be thankful for my Naranon Family Group and my SR Family Group today.
gentle hugs
I don't know where this is going but I do know one thing. He needs to want to help HIMSELF.......not just want help. He needs to be ready, willing, and able to do the work because I cannot (and will not) do it for him.
My husband and I are going to go pick him up in a little while so that we can meet with him and listen to what he has to say. His way hasn't worked--I am hoping he is ready to surrender himself to the process of recovery.
We haven't seen him since August. I'm a bit afraid to see what he looks like at this point.
About that higher power.........this morning while I was in the shower (ok....perhaps not the most conventional place to pray) I literally fell to my knees sobbing asking my Higher Power to help me help myself and to help my son help himself. Is this his answer? I don't know. Or is this just another test of my endurance or faith?
I think I'll say another prayer asking for further guidance and the courage to be strong, calm, and secure in my program. I am placing my full faith in God today to guide me, help me find the right words to say, and to help me to be compassionate and loving without being enabling. I will keep all of you and your collective wisdom in my mind. I will not react immediately without considerable thought. I will hold on to my emotions tightly. I will reach deep within myself and muster up the courage and strength to control........me.
I am going to be thankful for my Naranon Family Group and my SR Family Group today.
gentle hugs
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Prayers helped me through many dark days and nights, Kindeyes, and I took God with me everywhere and pictured Him holding my hand. It helped.
Have your meeting, but perhaps plan ahead of time how you can cut it short if it's not going well. Having a graceful escape plan in place will give you confidence even if you don't need it.
Funny, that's twice tonight I has shared about "having escape plans". Must mean something, lol.
Good luck with your son. Remember he is in God's care no matter what he looks like.
Hugs
Have your meeting, but perhaps plan ahead of time how you can cut it short if it's not going well. Having a graceful escape plan in place will give you confidence even if you don't need it.
Funny, that's twice tonight I has shared about "having escape plans". Must mean something, lol.
Good luck with your son. Remember he is in God's care no matter what he looks like.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
I am praying too Kindeyes. I liked what Spiritual Seeker said....Today feels like a good day to surrender.
Now I have to go catch up on everyone. My computer blew up and it took me a while to get another one. I will pray that everything works out for your family.
Gotahavfaith
Now I have to go catch up on everyone. My computer blew up and it took me a while to get another one. I will pray that everything works out for your family.
Gotahavfaith
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southwestern, Pennsylvania
Posts: 210
Oh my, big smile when you talked about praying in the shower...that is my favorite place to pray! Tonight, I sent a prayer up to God to guide your AS with his loving hands...to give him the strength to fight his demons and for you, Mom, for the 'wisdom to know the difference'. Big, Big prayers for you Kindeyes
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
My prayers too Kindeyes..for you, your hubby and your son. This just may be it~~~I remember getting on my knees and praying to God to help us here. It took a while but today my son is clean for over a year....HOPE HAPPENS!!! Lots of love, Bonnie
I'm as bad as I want to be...
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Atx
Posts: 45
My thoughts are with you .
Thank you for sharing that, you are *inspiring* to those of us who do not have the tools to be able to handle the situation as thoughtfully and gracefully as you described.
Thank you for sharing that, you are *inspiring* to those of us who do not have the tools to be able to handle the situation as thoughtfully and gracefully as you described.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
"He needs to want to help HIMSELF, not just want help."
Wow, what wisdom. Sounds like a great mantra especially in those face-to-face meetings with our addicts where the adrenaline is running the show.
My prayers have gone up, too, Kindeyes. Whether or not your son goes into a program and embraces recovery as a direct result of your meeting with him, it is a step forward toward that much-wanted goal. With our HP in charge, things happen at just the right time.
You are doing so well and (((hugs))) to you!!
Sojourner
Wow, what wisdom. Sounds like a great mantra especially in those face-to-face meetings with our addicts where the adrenaline is running the show.
My prayers have gone up, too, Kindeyes. Whether or not your son goes into a program and embraces recovery as a direct result of your meeting with him, it is a step forward toward that much-wanted goal. With our HP in charge, things happen at just the right time.
You are doing so well and (((hugs))) to you!!
Sojourner
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. I have to say, it really did help to keep all of you in my mind as we spoke to our son. I really do believe that my higher power and the collective wisdom of all of you here helped me stay calm as we spoke with him last night.
He looks pretty bad......his once hollywood handsome face is very scared from the side effects of meth use. He was very humble (that was a first). He actually thanked us. I chose my words carefully trying not to use words like "you should" but instead used "what are your thoughts and plans"? One of the best questions that I asked last night was "You've said that you need help, what does help mean to you?"
He would sometimes stray off track and I would gently redirect him back to the topic and he allowed me to do so (usually that would result in a tantrum). I talked about my own recovery (man.....all that Naranon stuff came in really handy!) and how very protective I am of my OWN recovery. He talked about how selfish addiction is and how he will need to be very selfish as he seeks recovery.......and he chuckled and said that he thinks he's got "selfish" down pretty well.
There were no tense moments. No angry outbursts (by any of us). Overall, the conversation went well. We were all tired and decided that we didn't need to solve the worlds problems in one night and went to bed.
I thought it was very interesting that he said that he recognizes that we're not going to put up with any bs--we've shown him that. He said that we did him a great favor by letting him experience homelessness and it has given him a different perspective. I told him that I didn't do it for him......I did it for ME......and he replied "But by helping yourself.....you helped me."
I finally asked him if he intended to go to rehab. He hesitated.....thought for a moment and said "The part that bothers me is the money part." So I said "Take that out of the equation." and he replied "I need it."
Today is a new day. We'll stay in it and see what it brings. I'm not rejoicing. I'm not expecting anything other than for ME to maintain my serenity. Today will be a test of that but I'm going to take it one day at a time......even one minute at a time if I need to.
Thank you all for your kind words of support......I don't know what I would do without all of you.
gentle hugs (wish I could dole them out to each of you in person)
He looks pretty bad......his once hollywood handsome face is very scared from the side effects of meth use. He was very humble (that was a first). He actually thanked us. I chose my words carefully trying not to use words like "you should" but instead used "what are your thoughts and plans"? One of the best questions that I asked last night was "You've said that you need help, what does help mean to you?"
He would sometimes stray off track and I would gently redirect him back to the topic and he allowed me to do so (usually that would result in a tantrum). I talked about my own recovery (man.....all that Naranon stuff came in really handy!) and how very protective I am of my OWN recovery. He talked about how selfish addiction is and how he will need to be very selfish as he seeks recovery.......and he chuckled and said that he thinks he's got "selfish" down pretty well.
There were no tense moments. No angry outbursts (by any of us). Overall, the conversation went well. We were all tired and decided that we didn't need to solve the worlds problems in one night and went to bed.
I thought it was very interesting that he said that he recognizes that we're not going to put up with any bs--we've shown him that. He said that we did him a great favor by letting him experience homelessness and it has given him a different perspective. I told him that I didn't do it for him......I did it for ME......and he replied "But by helping yourself.....you helped me."
I finally asked him if he intended to go to rehab. He hesitated.....thought for a moment and said "The part that bothers me is the money part." So I said "Take that out of the equation." and he replied "I need it."
Today is a new day. We'll stay in it and see what it brings. I'm not rejoicing. I'm not expecting anything other than for ME to maintain my serenity. Today will be a test of that but I'm going to take it one day at a time......even one minute at a time if I need to.
Thank you all for your kind words of support......I don't know what I would do without all of you.
gentle hugs (wish I could dole them out to each of you in person)
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
My daughter also felt guilty about the money for rehab. Sounds like all went very well. It's been intersting watching his progression towards wanting help.SOunds like he may finally be ready to SURRENDER. All those hard things you did were lessons he needed to learn. They made BOTH of you better. That's why they say the best gift you can give some one is to get in recovery yourself.Good job!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Home of the Ravens-MD
Posts: 1,316
Kindeyes, Your recovery is showing, you are doing the best you can for both you & your AS. I'm praying that your AS will seek recovery....there is always Salvation Army if money is his only issue. I always told my AD, if she trully wanted recovery, she would do
all that she could to get it. It took many relapses, living on the streets, and who knows what else to bring her to her knees. It took me to fall to my knees (literally) to leave her in HP's care. That's where she remains today, in HP's hands, and loving hands they are....I am so grateful that HP has brought my AD to recovery.
Hugs & Prayers,
Chris
all that she could to get it. It took many relapses, living on the streets, and who knows what else to bring her to her knees. It took me to fall to my knees (literally) to leave her in HP's care. That's where she remains today, in HP's hands, and loving hands they are....I am so grateful that HP has brought my AD to recovery.
Hugs & Prayers,
Chris
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