CWAnon25

I am debating on going to a NarAnon meeting in my area but I am hesitant. I have tried doing some research and it sounds like a lot of the meetings are parents with addicted children. I am the opposite. I'm a child with an addicted parent. I have been dealing with this for a period of time now. But, I am away at college and having nobody to talk to about what I am dealing with can be very hard. Like I said, I am in college so its not like I would be a young child in a room of adults. But, it is already hard enough for me to open up about this, I don't want to feel out of place. Also, will I have to share my story the first time I go?? Can I observe for a while then open up more when I become more comfortable?

Please help!!

Spiritual Seeker

Look up alanon/naranon meetings online for your area. The two meetings are really about the same. Alanon is for those who have a family member whose addiction may be other than alcohol. The directory will tell you the focus of ea. meeting. I go to a group just for parents. However, there are meetings with other focus, like step study, etc.
It is recommended that you go min. of 6 times bef. you decide if program is right for you.
Go to multiple meetings to find one that is both convenient and a good fit and then cont. to got to that group. You do not have to share at any mtg. unless you want to.
The more we listen to others sharing openly and honestly, the easier it becomes for us
to share. Reach out and get all the support you can.
It has to be tough growing up with an addicted parent.
If you want to start a spiritual shift alanon/naranon can be the tool if you become willing to work the 12 steps through the program, especially if you ask someone to be your sponsor. A sponsor can give you lots of support and guidance.
Does your college have a mental health dept. that offers counseling to students...if so that would be a great opportunity.

Dee74

Hi CWAnon25

You can also check out our ACOA forum here for more posters with similar experiences.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

They have some pretty good sticky posts too

Welcome to SR!
D

Ann

CoDA )Codependents Anonymous)was my home fellowship for many years (before we moved north) and I was very lucky to have a big meeting with about 30 or more showing up each meetings. We also had many double winners there, members who also attended AA or NA and came to CoDA to address their codependency issues.

Meetings literally saved my life, please keep searching and give them a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

And keep sharing here because we're glad you came and hope to get to know you better.

Hugs

steve1840

hi-

i have had a similar problem. the meetings i have gone to are mostly parents of addicts and occasionally a wife of an addict. i have found little fellowship from another guy whose gf/wife is the addict. despite that, the ideas of how to handle are similar.

trust thatthe people there will not allow you to feel out of place. i was scared too, but everyone is nice and caring. you do nothave to open up. you do that whe you feel comfortable. it is ok to just go and take it in.

and the people here on sr are very helpful too

EJG123

Have you thought about going to counseling at your college? It's usually free and they may have advice about local NarAnon meeitngs. Believe me you are not alone. Hugs.

Freedom1990

Naranon may or may not be mostly parents. The thing is, the solution is the same regardless of who the addict is.

I am sorry for what you are going through. I've been in recovery for many years now, and my 22 year old has never seen me loaded. I am so incredibly grateful for that, and my heart hurts for those who have parents in active addiction.

Sending gentle hugs your way. I'm in college too, and what a leap that was to start at age 50!

CWAnon25

It is extremely hard!! My parents just recently split up so that just adds insult to injury, even though I know that it is for the better. My dads odd behavior has only recently started to be really apparent to my mom, brother and me. However now that we know what is causing it, we can recall several times odd things he has done and it had to be that. When I was about 9 years old my dad got in a really bad accident. I am pretty sure he started misusing his own rx after that. Now its turned into other rx that he's getting elsewhere. The thing is, he doesn't think we've seen him this way. He doesn't remember what he says/does or anything. And while he's under the influence he doesn't know how bizarre he's acting, let alone remember it afterwards. But to think this started when I was 9-10 and I'm 21 now really makes me sad to know. My dad isn't a bad person, he actually has one of the kindest hearts of anyone I've ever met. He just has a problem. I guess in all reality I'm the luckiest in the situation. I get to be 2 hours away from all this while my mom and younger brother have to deal with it face to face. This also makes it hard though because despite all my awesome friends at school, I don't feel comfortable saying things like this. I know they wouldn't judge me, or else they wouldn't be a true friend, but its hard not to think about it happening. Even if they don't judge me they may judge my dad, and I really do love my dad. So, face to face interaction would be awesome, and this forum has already lifted my spirits some to know there at least people somewhere out there who know what im dealing with. I talk to my mom about it some, but she's just as hurt as me and I hate to stress her out more by worrying her.

I think I will try a counselor at my school, they're free I'm pretty sure and if not my insurance will cover. And I hope to build up enough courage to try a naranon meeting!

keepinon

People at meetings are very welcoming. My daughter is an addict. There is a young girl her age in our group (18)who has the same problem you do. We all just love that she is getting help so young! Give it a try..what's the worst that can happen?

fourmaggie

I dont think it really matters where you go love, as long as you have an open mind and you go...
RECOVERY is different for each person and the pace is all different...and each meeting you go to is different but stucture is the same...for me, i am out of the norm, no one in my home group is like me (yet...) but i love going to my group...gosh i love my WEDNESDAY nite group....we are all there for the same thing...to help someone...

all the best and god bless..
please check out my slogans...and how to understand them...they are cool tools to use every single day...

Freedom1990

Colleges have some great resources. I am eligible for the student support services set up for students with disabilities and/or are low income. When I first went over to the campus for a tour, I found out the head of student support services has a a PhD in addictions. Now how cool is that? She was a tremendous help to me when I was having a meltdown mid-semester my first year.

Kindeyes

Although the majority of people in our NarAnon Family Group are parents of addicts, we do have a couple who are the children of addicted parents. They are embraced and are made to feel welcome. Addiction is a family disease and all family members are affected by their addicted loved one in one way or another.

No. You don't have to share until you are comfortable doing so. If they ask if you want to, all you need to say is "I'll pass for now" and they will understand. The first several meetings I went to I couldn't talk.......and most of the meeting was spent with tears running down my face.

It also took several meetings before I started to feel it wasn't "weird". I began to understand the purpose of some of the things that were done that just seemed strange at first. The slogans that are used seemed contrived to me initially....now......I use those slogans daily to keep myself on track.....all of it has a purpose but it takes time and repetition to understand it (or maybe I'm just dense;-)

Welcome to SR.......but I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. It is clear that you love your father. He is lucky to have such a loving child.

gentle hugs

newnormal4me

I was going to suggest what you mentioned :-). When I was in college, I sought counseling through school and yes, it was free. Also, I was able to learn a little bit about resources to check into...i.e. I was directed to an ACOA meeting. There may even be groups at the school that you are unaware of, or a counselor may be able to hook you up with someone in a similar situation that could provide support. It helps a lot to talk to someone, and a counselor is a good place to start. Good luck...****{HUGS}}}