mayday
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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mayday
the reason i have been feeling better is because she has not been around as much. one night apart is like a relaxing week for me, where as it used to be a stressful month.
she was gone sunday and monday. around 11pm tuesday night she showed up at my house, completely frazzled and crying about some guy wanting to beat her up and how she flagged someone down for a ride to my house. i just listened. she said- wow, you really dont like me anymore, i never thought there would be the time that you didn;t want to see me, or were not happy to see me. i didnt reply. i only said- so what are you going to do. she said- i cannot go back to the streets anymore, i just want to sleep, i've been up 3 days. and after you sleep? i want to go to crises. are you sure, i dont want to keep getting strung along and nothing changing. why are you implying i've bee nstringing you along blah blah blah. ok, i meant i dont want to get strung along. i'm not, i really want to go. ok goodnight.
in the middle of the night she gets up. i she her go toward the wall inthe room and start to squat. i said- whoa what are you doing? she says- where am i, i thought i was in an abandoned house, sorry. (weeks ago she woke up in some guys truck across town thinking it was my car).
get up later. go to crises. she checks in, i leave for work. i look in the rear veiw mirror whilke stopped at a light outside the building, she jumps in the car and says- i cant stay here, i want to go to the other detox place. i give her my phone to call the facillitator. that lady cant help now, she has to get in on her own. she says, can i stay at your place today to make the calls. i said i am not comfortable with that. i fall for the pleading. then she asks to use my car. no. you dont trust me, i am jsut going home, i'm not going to go out fro drugs. i remain silent, its 1130am, i get home 930pm, no way she makes it past 2pm. no you cannot use the car, i will give you cab fare to get home. fine.
dang my phone is missing. i call the house thoughout the day. no answer. i get home, signs were she went there, showered and changed and split. i liked that she was gone and hoped it was done.
my niece calls me today- she just came in the house. i said put her on the phone. she says- sorry i didnt call you yesterday. i said what are you doing there? she said, i need to talk to you, i have been acting like a child, i am sorry, etc. coldly i say- i can talk to you when i get home, and DO NOT involve my niece in anything or let her see anything- she knows i would kill her if she did 9my niece is in herearly 20s). my niece called me later to say the addict is not in the house and hasnt been for a while. i said then lock up and go to work.
i guess i hoped that she would just not come back. i guess i need to man up. starting tonight, i dont have a car for a couple months. on top of that i like the peace i have been finding. what do isay if she is there after work- i cant watch you do this anymore, i cant return to the insanity, call me when you get clean?
she was gone sunday and monday. around 11pm tuesday night she showed up at my house, completely frazzled and crying about some guy wanting to beat her up and how she flagged someone down for a ride to my house. i just listened. she said- wow, you really dont like me anymore, i never thought there would be the time that you didn;t want to see me, or were not happy to see me. i didnt reply. i only said- so what are you going to do. she said- i cannot go back to the streets anymore, i just want to sleep, i've been up 3 days. and after you sleep? i want to go to crises. are you sure, i dont want to keep getting strung along and nothing changing. why are you implying i've bee nstringing you along blah blah blah. ok, i meant i dont want to get strung along. i'm not, i really want to go. ok goodnight.
in the middle of the night she gets up. i she her go toward the wall inthe room and start to squat. i said- whoa what are you doing? she says- where am i, i thought i was in an abandoned house, sorry. (weeks ago she woke up in some guys truck across town thinking it was my car).
get up later. go to crises. she checks in, i leave for work. i look in the rear veiw mirror whilke stopped at a light outside the building, she jumps in the car and says- i cant stay here, i want to go to the other detox place. i give her my phone to call the facillitator. that lady cant help now, she has to get in on her own. she says, can i stay at your place today to make the calls. i said i am not comfortable with that. i fall for the pleading. then she asks to use my car. no. you dont trust me, i am jsut going home, i'm not going to go out fro drugs. i remain silent, its 1130am, i get home 930pm, no way she makes it past 2pm. no you cannot use the car, i will give you cab fare to get home. fine.
dang my phone is missing. i call the house thoughout the day. no answer. i get home, signs were she went there, showered and changed and split. i liked that she was gone and hoped it was done.
my niece calls me today- she just came in the house. i said put her on the phone. she says- sorry i didnt call you yesterday. i said what are you doing there? she said, i need to talk to you, i have been acting like a child, i am sorry, etc. coldly i say- i can talk to you when i get home, and DO NOT involve my niece in anything or let her see anything- she knows i would kill her if she did 9my niece is in herearly 20s). my niece called me later to say the addict is not in the house and hasnt been for a while. i said then lock up and go to work.
i guess i hoped that she would just not come back. i guess i need to man up. starting tonight, i dont have a car for a couple months. on top of that i like the peace i have been finding. what do isay if she is there after work- i cant watch you do this anymore, i cant return to the insanity, call me when you get clean?
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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I want to help you with this but you've got to figure this out on your own I think. The cellphone loss sounds like the best thing that's happened to you along with the car. You can't help people when you don't have resources yourself and that's rather liberating.
Sometimes, maybe it's me today, I don't have anything inside me to give. As they say, I've given at the office already....... I want to help people that want to help themselves. I see progress a bit on your side but not sure it's you or just the circumstances you find yourself in. The great thing about having a higher power is He never gives up on us when others do.
Sometimes, maybe it's me today, I don't have anything inside me to give. As they say, I've given at the office already....... I want to help people that want to help themselves. I see progress a bit on your side but not sure it's you or just the circumstances you find yourself in. The great thing about having a higher power is He never gives up on us when others do.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Southwestern, Pennsylvania
Posts: 210
I know you have good intentions..it's a natural response to want to help people you love. Seems like it should be easy right? You just make them hear that they are screwing up bad and think that if you just help them 'this one last time', maybe it will be different.
It took me 4 -5 years of trying that with my AS and finally realized it really wasn't working for either of us.
She's gonna do what she's gonna do, no matter how much you preach or plan or try to guide her. I'm a christian and my whole soul believes that we should help others if it is within our power. It took me a looong time to realize that sometimes helping means letting go.
It took me 4 -5 years of trying that with my AS and finally realized it really wasn't working for either of us.
She's gonna do what she's gonna do, no matter how much you preach or plan or try to guide her. I'm a christian and my whole soul believes that we should help others if it is within our power. It took me a looong time to realize that sometimes helping means letting go.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Originally Posted by steve1840 
what do isay if she is there after work- i cant watch you do this anymore, i cant return to the insanity, call me when you get clean?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I'm going to repost something I think might be of benefit to everyone:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-reminder.html
Let's remember we're here to support people and share our experience.
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-reminder.html
Let's remember we're here to support people and share our experience.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
That was me Steve, I guess it still is to some extent, but the more I face those fears, the easier it gets.
What would happen to her?
What would happen to me?
Which is the only thing I might have some influence over, my end.
And the nice thing, when you step out of the fog, the true nature of our situation becomes painfully obvious.
It was very difficult for me to think/act rationally when I was caught up in that insanity.
Good luck.
What would happen to her?
What would happen to me?
Which is the only thing I might have some influence over, my end.
And the nice thing, when you step out of the fog, the true nature of our situation becomes painfully obvious.
It was very difficult for me to think/act rationally when I was caught up in that insanity.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
when you step out of the fog, the true nature of our situation becomes painfully obvious
the is what is happening and i am liking it. it is becoming obvious.
as for the phone- she didnt steal it, i had left it in my car.
BUT- when she was in my house yesterday, she did steal a few dollars in change.
i am glad i do not have a car now, so i can hurt myself by doing something stupid. but, with what has transpired the past few days, i think i am starting to be ok.
dee- thank you for adding that. i still tried to read the prior post as a positive thing. the one friend who knows my situation often uses that tone with mw- sure, i think you should just give her a key and let her move in etc. since i am feeling a bit better, i wont let that get me down. i'll leave it at that.
the is what is happening and i am liking it. it is becoming obvious.
as for the phone- she didnt steal it, i had left it in my car.
BUT- when she was in my house yesterday, she did steal a few dollars in change.
i am glad i do not have a car now, so i can hurt myself by doing something stupid. but, with what has transpired the past few days, i think i am starting to be ok.
dee- thank you for adding that. i still tried to read the prior post as a positive thing. the one friend who knows my situation often uses that tone with mw- sure, i think you should just give her a key and let her move in etc. since i am feeling a bit better, i wont let that get me down. i'll leave it at that.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
my car story-
a friend and i went in on a car together after my car was stolen. i have used it exclusivly for the past 5 months, but she is moving and needs to use the car for a couple months.
the good outweighs the bad on this one. i cannot go run and help my addict at all. i can't pick her up, i can't take her anywhere.
that does not mean that i do not have some anxiety about that, but i'll try to deal w it
a friend and i went in on a car together after my car was stolen. i have used it exclusivly for the past 5 months, but she is moving and needs to use the car for a couple months.
the good outweighs the bad on this one. i cannot go run and help my addict at all. i can't pick her up, i can't take her anywhere.
that does not mean that i do not have some anxiety about that, but i'll try to deal w it
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
I wanted to come back here and apologize to you, Steve, for my smart-ass remarks above. I am having a bad week and was venting on you -- I definitely should not have done that. It was very rude and that is not who I want to be. I'm sorry.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
steve, change the locks to your home, she comes back or breaks in tell her your calling the cops on her..thats what I did and you would be amazed how their "loving,caring,so sorry" behavior changes. they need and want us for a reason, their drugs, bottom line your enabling. you need to start doing things like this, set boundaries so that you will finally see the maniuplation,lies and
she will start distancing herself from you or be serious about her recovery. you will get some answers.
she will start distancing herself from you or be serious about her recovery. you will get some answers.
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