I've Been Going Thru So Much
 

I'm actually a member from a couple years ago when I was dealing with my ex's alcoholism. This site has always helped me. Well, I'm back. Unfortunately.

I was seeing a guy for a few months, and we were inseparable. He was always over my house, and we had a great connection. I had never met somebody who I had so much in common with. It was wonderful. He was always with me. It felt like "home" when he was around, and I know he felt the same way.

Because I work in the city and take the bus, I would let him take my car to work every day, and then he would drop it off when he came home, and he would usually come over for dinner and stay over.

September 10th, he took my car to work, and never returned it. He went to a work party that his boss threw, and he wouldn't bring my car back. He was being a dick about it over text. I knew he was drunk. I had a bad feeling. I should've called the cops to get my car back, but I didn't. Around 11pm, I went to bed. Long story short, he totaled my car, was arrested for a DUI, and I was sick to my stomach the whole next day trying to locate him and my car.

That was basically beginning of the end...Finally, he showed up on my doorstep at 6am on Sunday. The accident happened on Friday. He had been sitting in a jail cell, and then just wanted to go home and rest. I found out about my car by calling the police and they ran the plates. Sunday, he showed up and told me. I let him hang out in my house. I said that we would get through this.

Little did I know the Pandora Box would be opening of who he was, what he was capable of, and how much damage one person could do. People talk about the mirage when an addict is trying to stay straight. That's what happened here. The mirage was disappearing very quickly.

He hung out at my house that Sunday (by himself for a bit while I was out). I told him that he could relax and watch TV. Little did I know, he had stolen 2 of my credit cards, social security card, and my roommate's checks. I had no idea.

He was supposed to go to his arraignment, but refused to go. I begged and pleaded, cried for him to go. The next day, Tuesday, he said he would turn himself in. He lied to me, said he would, and then never did. He went back to western Mass. and went on a heroin bender with another junkie, a girl he had pulled out of recovery, a friend of a friend he knew.

He spent $1,000 on my credit cards and another $1,000 in checks, he stole from my roommate. Meanwhile, he would text me how much he loved me, how he was going to turn himself in.

I never knew that he had a past, that he was on probation, that he had a suspended license, that he was an ADDICT. Everything revealed itself in one week. I felt like my whole life was falling apart :c021:

The next Sunday, I called his mom (once I knew about my credit cards), and told her and she called the cops and got him arrested.

He spent 20-30 days in jail, now he's out, living in a shelter. I'm no longer friends with him on FB, but I saw that his profile pic is of him and the junkie chick. I'm guessing he's not clean. We have a mutual friend, and I wrote him a letter and had him give it to him. I poured my heart out in the letter. That day, I actually saw him at the bus stop. I couldn't even look at him. He's done so much damage to my life.

My roommate and I are pressing charges against him and the girl. The girl was the one who cashed 3 of the 4 checks of my roommate's.

This has been a nightmare. Let this be a cautionary tale to anybody who thinks they can have a relationship with an addict.

The person I cared about is gone. Some days I miss him, and every day I think about him. I'm just glad he's out of my life, and he can't hurt me anymore. I hope someday he finds happiness and sobriety.

WOW! That's really messed up :-( I know I'm knew to this site, but I can tell that the people here including myself, can make it through, as long as we support each other, listen, and give advice...albeit, maybe advice or suggestions you don't wanna hear but that are true...

oh geeez!

AT least you knew what to do.

Thanks for sharing!

Oh my.....what a nightmare. I'm so sorry that this happened to you.

gentle hugs

There needs to be consequences for his actions. Do I care about him? Yes, of course I do. We shared a connection with each other. However, it's not preventing me from teaching him that stealing from people has repercussions. He and his new girlfriend (somebody he can manipulate and take from) need to learn their lessons.

At first I was jealous that he had a new girl, but how can I be jealous? He only wants her in the picture because he's at the point where he will do anything to keep his addiction going. Now, he has somebody to drugs with, and nobody will judge. He's not the person I was with those months. He's turned into something else :(

In my letter to him, I told him that I saw who he was deep down and that he was a good person. He's just lost now. I said that in all my 34 years, I had never met somebody more unique and interesting. I said that ultiimately it was his choice in life to get clean or not. Maybe someday he'll choose happiness over misery.

I still don't understand why he can't just say sorry. Don't I deserve that? How can this person just pretend I don't exist? I don't get it.

I dont get that either, why they dont say their sorry. but thats just part of addiction, they dont see the pain they caused us or want to see it.But its very important for US to prevent addiction to destroy us further and they need to take responsibility and suffer the consequences for their actions.
I hope you find the strength and courage to move forward and seek peace and happiness.

You'll pull through this. Be grateful it was a few months rather than years that you were involved with him. Maybe he can'ts say he's sorry becuase he's not sorry.

I couldn't agree more. This is why I'm pressing charges, along with my roommate. There needs to be consequences when you steal from somebody. The fact that I am following through with the charges doesn't mean I don't care about him or wish him any ill will. His actions created a chain of reactions. Just as he separated his feelings for me when he stole from me, I have separated my feelings for him as I press charges. I'm hoping that next time he thinks it's okay to steal from somebody, he will think twice. I don't want somebody else have to go through what I've been through.

Just found out that he had stolen $6,000 from his ex before he came to Boston. Crazy. How can one person cause so much damage?

ugh.
I have known of people stealing much more...

I knew a lady who just insisted on protecting her guy...
it was incredible...he would steal money, pawn her tv and etc
she would give him money

who knows how much she spent and lost on him..

he just used and used until he went to prison.

wasn't a very good investment on her part, eh?

I also know that sometimes they don't say sorry because of shame but the addiction still has the upper hand.

best wishes to you

I'm so sorry this happened to you, unfortunately it's an old story, just a new name attached.

Cut your losses, financial and emotionally, and move forward a little wiser for the lesson.

Thank you for sharing it here. So many times I see people post who haven't been robbed. I always want to add "yet". That's what addicts do to those of us who try to help.

Good for you for pressing charges, I wish I had done that more than once. It might have saved me more thefts and more money and it might have taught a lesson that needed to be learned...consequences.

Hugs to you, heal and move on girl, you are worth so much better than this.

Of course you do. And you know that.

It's the denial, the deep shame for living this way and hurting people so terribly.

I asked myself the same thing five million times: "don't you just know that if you came clean and apologized, you'd feel better, I'd feel better, and we could move on more easily?" was what I thought over and over. It's taken some months, but I've finally pretty much let that go.

What a nightmare. So sorry you had to go through that.

:ghug3

Thank you, Live. I'm just so glad he's out of my life. He has a new victim now. From what I saw thru my friend's Facebook, he's professing his love to her everyday on her wall. Apparently, he wants to move back to our neighborhood and get an apartment together. Talk about delusional. :blah

Guaranteed, once these felony charges go thru, he will be going away for a while. He was using my stolen credit cards to wine and dine this chick, who is currently in a treatment program while he is living in a shelter. Wow to all of it.

I see people on here always saying "I miss the old him." Who's to say what the old him really was? I have to compartmentalize the memories of him. Some memories I will always remember as wonderful. We shared a connection, and I've analyzed everything a million times over, and I will never deny that. That part was very much real. It's almost like there were different parts to him. He showed me only the best parts of him. Of course, I miss those. But, there were other parts too, I never saw until now. Dark parts. I will never understand those parts, nor will I try to.

I can't tell you how glad I am that I could come on here and talk to other people who are or have been through what I've gone through. Sometimes it makes you feel crazy, like it's not really happening. It's nice to have the validation from all of you :tyou

no one is all bad...of course these people have good qualities.

It's when we try to deny the problems parts that we get into way more trouble than we could ever imagine...or keep bailing them out, as that lady did.

I am sure it stings that he used your credit cards in the manner he did..

Addiction is no respecter of persons.

It is amazing how much your story is like mine. I let my boyfriend move in with me after his parent's kicked him out, that's when the stealing started. Thank you for this post and what you did to overcome it all. I think every day it will get better for you and for me knowing that we no longer have these people in our lives. However, like you, I'm sure I will run into my ex somewhere in my city, it's not very big.

Stay strong. It's been almost two months, and it feels like I'm finally healing and moving past this sad experience. Losing him was really hard for me, but I knew I had to let him go. I knew I had to let him be and live out his full-blown addiction. He had to make his own choices in life, and I had to make mine. I had to walk away from his chaos.

The funny thing is I already saw him twice, standing at the bus stop. I could've gotten off my bus and talked to him. But what's the point? He's not there anymore. There was so much to say to him that there was nothing to say, and he wouldn't have listened anyway.

Welcome to this site. I can't tell you how much help I've gotten just from reading people's posts. You will be okay. The worst is over.

It hurts like hell, but it only gets better. I'm living proof of that.