AS update... Relapse again???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 71
AS update... Relapse again???
So how common is it for relapse? My As 20 year old son quit H cold turkey last April. Was GREAT for awhile....then started smoking a little pot here & there....
Now I KNOW he is either back on pills or H...
Of course I always go with my gut instinct...
he says everyone relapses...
Again he refuses to seek help...
REALLY am considering showing him the door "AGAIN"
How many times must this wheel go around????
IDEAS??
HELP!
Now I KNOW he is either back on pills or H...
Of course I always go with my gut instinct...
he says everyone relapses...
Again he refuses to seek help...
REALLY am considering showing him the door "AGAIN"
How many times must this wheel go around????
IDEAS??
HELP! 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Land of "The Wire"
Posts: 15
Hi! I wish I had great advice to give you but I'm not nearly as experienced as other posters. I just wanted to tell you that you seem like such a caring parent and I hope your son realizes it and doesn't try to take advantage of you too much.
Is he planning on stopping without seeking help? If so, then maybe you could tell him that if he's able to do that then you'll be very happy for him because you want what's best for him, but that there is a reason he uses and instead of just expecting a relapse, he could make it easier on himself to try and stop for good by going to a counselor or NA meetings. Maybe if he thinks that's the only thing that will keep your roof over his head, he'll go for it?
Obviously I don't know him and that only has a chance of working if he really wants to stop using and stay clean, but if he quit and was good for awhile after last April then hopefully he wants to get/stay sober. And if he doesn't, you may be right to show him the door.
I wish all the best for you and your family and hope your son will change his mind.
Is he planning on stopping without seeking help? If so, then maybe you could tell him that if he's able to do that then you'll be very happy for him because you want what's best for him, but that there is a reason he uses and instead of just expecting a relapse, he could make it easier on himself to try and stop for good by going to a counselor or NA meetings. Maybe if he thinks that's the only thing that will keep your roof over his head, he'll go for it?
Obviously I don't know him and that only has a chance of working if he really wants to stop using and stay clean, but if he quit and was good for awhile after last April then hopefully he wants to get/stay sober. And if he doesn't, you may be right to show him the door.
I wish all the best for you and your family and hope your son will change his mind.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm sorry that you are dealing with this with your dear son.
I've been dealing with this for the last 12-13 years with my AS who is now 29. And it's not easy. If I knew then what I know now, I would have started going to NarAnon or Alanon meetings way back then and would have started taking better care of me. That sounds so contradictary to what we instinctively do as Mothers but I think I would have dealt with everything so much better......I don't know if it would have gotten him sober but I would have dealt with things better. I would have understood addiction better. I would have started working on my codependence sooner.
Relapse is often a part of recovery. It's not that they relapse so much as what they do AFTER they relapse. Do they just keep on doing it? Then it's no longer relapse, it becomes active addiction again. If they relapse and say "oh crap--I need to stop this again immediately", then it is a part of recovery. Does that make sense?
You and your son will be added to my prayers. He is so young. I hope that he chooses the recovery path.
gentle hugs
I've been dealing with this for the last 12-13 years with my AS who is now 29. And it's not easy. If I knew then what I know now, I would have started going to NarAnon or Alanon meetings way back then and would have started taking better care of me. That sounds so contradictary to what we instinctively do as Mothers but I think I would have dealt with everything so much better......I don't know if it would have gotten him sober but I would have dealt with things better. I would have understood addiction better. I would have started working on my codependence sooner.
Relapse is often a part of recovery. It's not that they relapse so much as what they do AFTER they relapse. Do they just keep on doing it? Then it's no longer relapse, it becomes active addiction again. If they relapse and say "oh crap--I need to stop this again immediately", then it is a part of recovery. Does that make sense?
You and your son will be added to my prayers. He is so young. I hope that he chooses the recovery path.
gentle hugs
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Has he relapsed, no, he was never in recovery he was just not using. It's called white knuckling.
So, aside from drugs, where is he in his life? Does he work, does he contibute to the household?
As far as the wheel...it only stops going around when you stop enabling and let the chips fall where they may.
I am sorry that you are going through this, I would trust my gut.
So, aside from drugs, where is he in his life? Does he work, does he contibute to the household?
As far as the wheel...it only stops going around when you stop enabling and let the chips fall where they may.
I am sorry that you are going through this, I would trust my gut.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Do you want your home to be drug-free ?
Your answer to that will lead you to a decision.
I could never take the chaos of letting my son live at home when he was
addicted.
Your son can make a choice, treatment or use & live elsewhere.
But you have to make choices first.
Recovery from Heroin is a long (potentially fatal process) that usually involves many attempts at rehabilitation to sustain sobriety.
I hope your son chooses recovery.
Your answer to that will lead you to a decision.
I could never take the chaos of letting my son live at home when he was
addicted.
Your son can make a choice, treatment or use & live elsewhere.
But you have to make choices first.
Recovery from Heroin is a long (potentially fatal process) that usually involves many attempts at rehabilitation to sustain sobriety.
I hope your son chooses recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
My sponsor celebrated 29 years clean and sober this past August. He has never relapsed.
I was damned lucky to make it back into recovery when I relapsed after 4 years in the program.
I celebrated 20 years clean and sober this past August.
As has already been mentioned, your AS has been white-knuckling it. Smoking a little pot here and there does not constitute any sort of recovery, nor does white-knuckling it.
You can sober up a horse thief and all you have is a horse thief who isn't drinking.
You do have the choice of getting off of the roller coaster.
I was damned lucky to make it back into recovery when I relapsed after 4 years in the program.
I celebrated 20 years clean and sober this past August.
As has already been mentioned, your AS has been white-knuckling it. Smoking a little pot here and there does not constitute any sort of recovery, nor does white-knuckling it.
You can sober up a horse thief and all you have is a horse thief who isn't drinking.
You do have the choice of getting off of the roller coaster.
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