Just checking in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Just checking in.
Hi all. To the one's who know me (or care), still here.....alive and kicking. Was reading through the posts- as I periodically do- I realized a couple things. Much has changed w/me and my situation, much has not.
Yep. Let's sum up the bad first. He's still here. He's still doing what he does. He's still seemingly 'fine' (and I qualify that by his ablility to pay our bills, run a business, be a kind person to me etc.). Nonetheless, I still have issues w/ his issues. I still grapple with all the things WE here at SR do- the worrying. The concern that he will be dead one day from respritory distress from popping pills. Uncertainty if he will be 'down' or 'tired'.... bla bla bla.
The good: I don't think much about the above paragraph- unless I have momentary lapses of reason, i.e., stop focusing on myself and give a rats a** about HIM and his b.s.
I am close to finishing school. 1 more year and I will have my Bachelors in Psych- and I'm applying to grad schools as we speak.
= the epitomy of my happiness...
Work is stable and gratifying, pay is great- I'm not in the same financial distress as before.
Friends/family- they are the priority now. NOT him.
Hobbies- activly singing/writing (in the minimal spare time I have available).
So all is well over here (relativly speaking). I just wanted to pop in and say hey! I wanted to thank those who frequently peeled me off the celing when I was semi-going mad.
Wanted to tell those who are new here-- it only gets easier (in my opinion) two ways. Either LEAVE, or DO YOU! What I mean by "do you" is that I realized tonight, that the only reason I'm not posting/crying/angry/vicious/frightened, or constantly upset-- is because I'm to busy taking care of ME. When do I have time to focus on HIM? I don't. That simple. It's not about being 'busy' in general- becausue I've always had a hectic life-- but I'm busy pursuing my education, career, things that are only for MY future--I don't much care about anything else.
I must say- I did contemplate WHY then-- why is he still here- when I 100% disagree/despise his choices? I guess because that last thread of 'love' still lingers somewhere inside of me. For now (and just for now), his life-choices do not impact me enough to let go. (it was worse 2 years ago when I joined here). I have a sneaking suspicion we aren't long for this world together..... all in due time. It took me a very long time to aquire the 'peace' I have inside myself. I assume it's part of the process.
Good luck and love to all. My thanks to all who helped me over the years.
Love,
Cessy
Yep. Let's sum up the bad first. He's still here. He's still doing what he does. He's still seemingly 'fine' (and I qualify that by his ablility to pay our bills, run a business, be a kind person to me etc.). Nonetheless, I still have issues w/ his issues. I still grapple with all the things WE here at SR do- the worrying. The concern that he will be dead one day from respritory distress from popping pills. Uncertainty if he will be 'down' or 'tired'.... bla bla bla.
The good: I don't think much about the above paragraph- unless I have momentary lapses of reason, i.e., stop focusing on myself and give a rats a** about HIM and his b.s.
I am close to finishing school. 1 more year and I will have my Bachelors in Psych- and I'm applying to grad schools as we speak.
= the epitomy of my happiness...Work is stable and gratifying, pay is great- I'm not in the same financial distress as before.
Friends/family- they are the priority now. NOT him.
Hobbies- activly singing/writing (in the minimal spare time I have available).
So all is well over here (relativly speaking). I just wanted to pop in and say hey! I wanted to thank those who frequently peeled me off the celing when I was semi-going mad.
Wanted to tell those who are new here-- it only gets easier (in my opinion) two ways. Either LEAVE, or DO YOU! What I mean by "do you" is that I realized tonight, that the only reason I'm not posting/crying/angry/vicious/frightened, or constantly upset-- is because I'm to busy taking care of ME. When do I have time to focus on HIM? I don't. That simple. It's not about being 'busy' in general- becausue I've always had a hectic life-- but I'm busy pursuing my education, career, things that are only for MY future--I don't much care about anything else.
I must say- I did contemplate WHY then-- why is he still here- when I 100% disagree/despise his choices? I guess because that last thread of 'love' still lingers somewhere inside of me. For now (and just for now), his life-choices do not impact me enough to let go. (it was worse 2 years ago when I joined here). I have a sneaking suspicion we aren't long for this world together..... all in due time. It took me a very long time to aquire the 'peace' I have inside myself. I assume it's part of the process.
Good luck and love to all. My thanks to all who helped me over the years.
Love,
Cessy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
Hi Cessy! Thanks for checking back in and letting us know how much better things are going for you - i remember your name from way back when.. This site and 12-step groups are lifelines for many of us, arent' they...
Enjoy your new job and your new outlook on life!
Sojourner
Enjoy your new job and your new outlook on life!
Sojourner
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Sounds like you are on the road to accepting him as is/where is and that's OK.
It's the pining for what "might have been/could be" that becomes our own private hell.
Good to hear that you dug yourself out of hell and took back control of your own life. You will emerge from this a different person than who walked in the door.
It's the pining for what "might have been/could be" that becomes our own private hell.
Good to hear that you dug yourself out of hell and took back control of your own life. You will emerge from this a different person than who walked in the door.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Very insightful post, thanks so much for sharing where you are Cessy. Life is not one size fits all and so we each find our way in the way that works best for each of us. Sounds like you are doing just that - very happy for you!
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