Sister76

I have a older brother (39) who I love dearly. For the past 10 years or so (not sure exactly when it started) he has been battling a cocaine addiction. I know he does not use daily. I believe he is using at least a few times a month,especially after he gets paid. When he gets paid his cheque is GONE and he makes very,very good money. A couple of years ago he went to rehab(not a 12 step one) for a few months,I think it helped somewhat as I believe he stayed clean about 9 months. He did hit rock bottom before he went. He lost his job due to company closure and he also lost his wife (divorce),he has a very tough time.
So now he is working overseas in a industry with the public. His drug use can jeopardize the safety of the public he works with. (i prefer not to say what he does). He is newly remarried(and about to lose this wife too) and has been lying to his family for a long time. We thought you had been sober but it turns out he has been using for quite some time. Our family thinks he needs rehab and counselling but he refuses saying rehabs don't work. He also will not do counselling of any type. He belives he can surrender himself over to god and that god will cure him. He believes (as I do) in the 12 step program and refuses any other help besides talking to his sponsor with whom he is not honest with.
We feel we are watching him die and do not know what to do. I'm angry,sad and betrayed all at once. Part of me wants to cut him off until he gets serious help and the other part just can't walk away. I'm here to just get advice and direction TIA.

Ann

Welcome, Sister, glad you joined us but sorry for your sadness.

It is terrible to watch someone we love destroy their lives with drugs. And the saddest part is, we can't make them stop, they have to want that themselves.

But we can walk through our fear, and find our balance even when our world is upside down.

Something that has helped many of us is to find meetings that help us work through this. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have been a godsend to us. Maybe check your area for meetings and give them a try.

Take a read around, and make yourself comfortable. Others will be along to welcome you also.

Hugs from a fellow Canadian.

Wisher

Sister,
I know how you feel and I'm so glad you found this place so you can learn about detaching with love. I am here b/c my son is an addict but I also have an older brother that I love dearly. He is an alchoholic and he almost died a year ago b/c his drinking almost put him in liver failure. After that he became sober (refused AA or any other type of help), but sadly this only lasted about 6 months and now we are watching him go back to drinking constantly again.

I am so thankful for what I have learned here because now I know that I can't stop him from drinking, it has to come from him. All I can do is love him and pray for him.

I hope you read everything you can about co-dependency and stay here and talk with all of the wonderful people here who have learned to Let Go and Let God.

As much as you love your big brother, HE has to make the decision to turn his life around. You can't do it for him. There is such power in knowing that.

I hope you keep coming here and let us know how you are doing. The people here are wonderful and they really care and you will gain so much wisdom. God Bless you and your brother.