EJG123

We recently kicked our 22 yr old AD out but have helped her to get suboxone treatment for the past month and a half at her request. It hasn't gone so well because she has relapsed several times although it has helped to stabilize her a bit when she uses it properly. She would like to continue with the suboxone but I don't know if it is a good idea if she isn't sticking with it consistently. Not sure what to do...

keepinon

Have you considered inpatient treatment?

Chino

In that short time period it isn't relapsing, it's ongoing addiction. Sometimes they sell them to obtain the drug of choice. Sometimes they use them when they can't get their DOC. Until they decide to commit to sobriety and recovery, it's just another safety net and exchanging one drug for another.

I can't tell you what to do, but I'll say that I wouldn't pay for them unless she's fully engaged in working a recovery program. Her actions, not her words, will reflect recovery or not.

Angelic17

EJG, it sounds like she isn't really ready to get clean. Suboxone is an opiate, but it doesn't make you feel that euphoria. It just stops withdrawal symptoms. It's dangerous to use the opiates and the suboxone at the same time. Your daughter might need to go into a program for a while. That sounds like the best thing. Ofcourse she has to want to be clean and sober. It's all up to her, and that's the sad part of addiction. The addict needs to make the decisions to get straight, while their brain is telling them to get high.
It's confusing, and it takes alot of education about the brain to really understand the disease, and the affect the opiates have on the brain. Your daughter needs to get sick and tired of chasing her drugs. At 22 they have the energy to do it, but eventually they get tired. Sorry your going through this. It's a difficult struggle for any mom. I hope your daughter finds her way to sobriety very soon.

EJG123

Thanks. I am not certain that she is ready to be sober yet either. At this point I am sure she would walk from any inpatient program.

Angelic17

EJG. Please disregard my comment on suboxone being an opiate. Someone brought it to my attention that it is different than an opiate, because it's an opioid. I am going to find out what the difference is between the two. I really didn't know that. I thought that they were the same. Opioid Opiate. Hmmmm, you learn something new, everyday.

I took suboxone for 3 days, when coming off of my pain meds after a car accident left me with some broken bones. I didn't experience any euphoria from the suboxone, but someone said you can get high off of it. I can't say for sure because I don't know. I didn't get high off of it. It made me feel normal.

I'm sorry if I misled you in any way. Regardless, I sure hope your daughter gets better soon. I too have an addict for a child, and it's the most painful thing I have ever been through. Just try not to enable her. Love her and be kind and compassionate, without helping her addiction along. Remember it's a disease. She probably isn't ready to get clean, but it's possible that she doesn't like being an addict either. Naranon is a great program that might be helpful for you. It can give you some tools on how to deal with the situation of addiction in the family, in a healthy way. My signature says, Love the addict, Hate the disease. I stand firm on that. Addicts are still human beings. They have feelings, and they are suffering. I hope your daughter reaches for help really soon.

Freedom1990

If she's not ready to commit to recovery, then she's not ready.

My parents were my best enablers.

I now have a 32 year old AD myself, and I give her the dignity to make her own choices no matter how poor they may be.

I don't take phone calls when she's in jail, I don't put money on the books for her, and I have not given money or paid for anything for her in many years now.

It is possible to love a child to death. I watched it over a period of 20 years where I live. Fortunately her father had been dead many years prior to her death, and didn't see it happen. Her mother was the one who got to bury her.

dollydo

I don't consider her current path to be recovery. Suboxone is marketable, for trade.

You are questioning the entire situation, that to me is red flag!

Hugs to you,

EJG123

I just found out that she did sell maybe 10 suboxone pills yesterday or today so I am cutting her off the treatment. I know she will be in withdrawal soon and will be calling me for meds that were prescribed to her to help with withdrawal (Ultram and Clonidine patches). I don't think the Ultram helps her much and she might try to sell them so I was thinking of just giving her 2 at a time if she takes them in front of me.

Lizzaayy

i doubt you watching her take those patches will help anything in the long run.

i am not yet a parent (though i soon will be) and can not give you much advice on your situation, as i have no clue how i would feel or handle it.

i do know that what you are describing, limiting her doses and having her take them in front of you, that is controlling. and addicts hate that. in fact, you can not control them at all. they will do anything, ANYTHING to make it as painful, uncomfortable, horrible (pick any) for you as possible. the whole scenario will leave you mentally and physically drained.
please continue reading the many stories here on SR and read some of the stickys in the front of each section.

EJG123

I agree but giving her the whole 240 pill script at once would be asking for trouble. Regardless of the Clonidine and Ultram, I am anticipating that she will get really sick and haul herself into the ER in a suicidal state.

Lizzaayy

i am sorry you worry about things like that, and the worry of the ER must be terrifying =(
you don't have to deal with the stress of doling out her Rx's. really. she can do it herself if she wants to, or she can not. either way, it's not something you must do. and will only cause you more stress, anguish, and depression.
addiction can not be controlled, caused, or cured by anyone but the addict themselves.

hopefully more parents will be along to give you advice and share their own stories with you.
have you thought about joining nar-anon? i have been going to meetings for almost a month or so now and they have really helped me a lot.

EJG123

Thanks for being concerned about me but it is okay. It has been a long long road with AD so a trip to the ER holds no terror for me. Doling out Ultram is no big deal since it might happen once or twice this week and then she'll crash. She will figure it out or not.
Of course we know the "can't control/cause/cure it" thing all too well. I am sorry that the suboxone has not worked out for AD though. She has been on a roll with squandering chances and burning bridges this past few months and this will be just one more loss for her.

Angelic17

EJG, Suboxone works well for someone who wants to recover. Your daughter is young and doesn't realize that she isn't only hurting herself, but she is hurting all of her family and the people who love her. It's sad because I have gone through very similar stuff with my own son. Your daughter doesn't realize that she will have to suffer the consequences of her actions. It sounds like she really needs treatment for her addiction. If she is still abusing drugs, if I were you I wouldn't give her anything until she agrees to go for some help. I don't think these kids realize how serious this problem is.

keepinon

Just my opinion but I do not think monitoring meds is helpful.Puts you in position of control. Will most likely not end well and be frustrating for both of you. My AD tried to detox? treat herself with subs. Wound up back using and Started shooting up instead of smoking. Treatment includes behavior modification, and usually NA. The meds alone are not effective in the long term. My AD squanders all her chances and burned her bridges too. Thats when she decided it wasn't working for her. They really do have to hit that point where they see and feel the devastation for themselves and get tired of it. I stopped paying for anything while she was using cuz I didn't want to contribute to her living ONE MORE DAy like that.

EJG123

Thanks Angelic but she I think she does know how much her addiction it hurts others. She needs to pursue treatment herself without any coercion from me. Believe me, she has been through years of treatment already- some court-ordered, some school-ordered, some because her family insisted, some that she pursued herself. The results have been mixed.

Lizzaayy

I am sorry to hear that E.

hopefully your daughter finds her way, on her own. that is when she will not have "mixed" results, and will simply stay clean and sober.

EJG123

Thanks all. Your thoughts/support help and I will count on it this week.

WTYJill

Hi E ... I'm not new to the problems but I'm fairly new to recovery. I'm so sorry you're going thru this with AD. Your story is very similar to mine. Mine has asked for subs, this/that withdrawal meds, etc. I never paid for the sub route but briefly tried methadone without knowing she was also addicted to xanax, so that was stopped. I bought a safe so that I could put her other withdrawal meds in there and dole them out. Like the others said, it only made her resent me. Get this ... She was even using one med to shoot up ??? It was explained to me as a strong benedryl type medicine, so I even had to stop that one. My uhderstanding that she was as addicted to the process of shooting up, so she was desperate for anything to push in her veins.

I am nowhere near feeling I'm on the right track, but when I finally locked my windows and doors, took away the house/cell phones, refused to take her anywhere, and began my process of true detachment (began being the key word), she did ask to go to treatment. She's also been before. I don't feel great about it due to the circumstances, but since she has asked, I will help her.

My daughter has never been prescribed subs, but I know she has taken them off the street. Since my understanding is that it isn't administered in a clinic long-term like methadone, they will of course abuse that drug one way or the other if they're not ready for recovery. I wouldn't pay for it any longer either. You're doing the right thing.

Keep taking care of yourself regardless as much as possible ...

Take care,

J

outtolunch

Back when, my daughter knew plenty of addicts who had scripts paid for by their parents for subs who sold them to buy their doc. She would buy a sub, here and there when in a pinch to stave off withdrawals. It was a nothing more than a temp fix until the combo of $ and working car came together for another schlep into the city.