its taken a long time to get here......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Perth western australia
Posts: 13
its taken a long time to get here......
my name is 'boo' ....I am co dependant.....I am the adult daughter of a alcoholic step father.....and I am the fiance of an addict.
thats some combination.....................
I first found this forum about 5 months ago after my fiance relapsed after 3 yrs clean of meth/speed addiction..... I posted a few times, but really wanted so much to believe that I was ok and would be ok.
The good news is 5 months later ABF is still clean of his drug addiciton.....but we ( well I ) have learnt this week that he transferred his addiction to sex /love addiction. He isnt sleeping around as such but has lets call them "internet affairs' ....and during his 3 yrs clean of drugs also did some similar things.
the good news for him is that he has realised it and is getting the help he needs.
for me.............well it broke my heart, after everything we have been thru, his using, his rehab, "clean time" , relapse...recovery again.....only to find out none of it was really what I thought it was.
But I guess the good news for me is that I now know that until I work on my recovery and learn to put myself first...... I will never be ok...... ( knowing it and living it are two different things but I am part way there
)
my heart is broken......I am sadder than I have ever felt in my life. I love him so much, I have tears rolling down my face at the thought of being without him, i dont know if I can do it ( and if i am honest I still hope I dont have to do it)
and thru all of this I found my way back here.............it seemed like a good place to start.
thats some combination.....................
I first found this forum about 5 months ago after my fiance relapsed after 3 yrs clean of meth/speed addiction..... I posted a few times, but really wanted so much to believe that I was ok and would be ok.
The good news is 5 months later ABF is still clean of his drug addiciton.....but we ( well I ) have learnt this week that he transferred his addiction to sex /love addiction. He isnt sleeping around as such but has lets call them "internet affairs' ....and during his 3 yrs clean of drugs also did some similar things.
the good news for him is that he has realised it and is getting the help he needs.
for me.............well it broke my heart, after everything we have been thru, his using, his rehab, "clean time" , relapse...recovery again.....only to find out none of it was really what I thought it was.
But I guess the good news for me is that I now know that until I work on my recovery and learn to put myself first...... I will never be ok...... ( knowing it and living it are two different things but I am part way there
)my heart is broken......I am sadder than I have ever felt in my life. I love him so much, I have tears rolling down my face at the thought of being without him, i dont know if I can do it ( and if i am honest I still hope I dont have to do it)
and thru all of this I found my way back here.............it seemed like a good place to start.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Boo
Welcome back to SR. Like the addict, recovery for us is lifelong as well. If I am not concentrating very hard, I fall right back into those codependent behaviors quickly because I haven't made my "recovery behaviors" a habit yet. But I'm working on it and that's all we can do.
I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you to SR but I'm glad you're here.
gentle hugs
Welcome back to SR. Like the addict, recovery for us is lifelong as well. If I am not concentrating very hard, I fall right back into those codependent behaviors quickly because I haven't made my "recovery behaviors" a habit yet. But I'm working on it and that's all we can do.
I'm so sorry for the circumstances that brought you to SR but I'm glad you're here.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
After all you have been through are you waiting for the big pay-off?
How much more of your own life are you willing to invest in someone who cannot see beyond himself ? Sounds like a hopeful fantasy to me.
How much more of your own life are you willing to invest in someone who cannot see beyond himself ? Sounds like a hopeful fantasy to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
i agree, it is quite possible you are simply too good for him, sweetie.
since i left the xbf, i realized all the behaviors i experienced while he was using, and some while he wasn't, were not what i should accept in my life.
he is still using, and i am still healing. but every day i am drifting further and further from thoughts of possible reconciliation. quite hard to do, especially since i am having his child at the end of this month.
but, my goodness, how amazingly free i have felt in the past few weeks. no lies, no betrayals, no bs dragging me down.
it is hard, at times it feels impossible. but letting go of destructive people is always, always in your best interest.
since i left the xbf, i realized all the behaviors i experienced while he was using, and some while he wasn't, were not what i should accept in my life.
he is still using, and i am still healing. but every day i am drifting further and further from thoughts of possible reconciliation. quite hard to do, especially since i am having his child at the end of this month.
but, my goodness, how amazingly free i have felt in the past few weeks. no lies, no betrayals, no bs dragging me down.
it is hard, at times it feels impossible. but letting go of destructive people is always, always in your best interest.
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