F@#%!
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Posts: 324
F@#%!
I broke no contact.
For some reason, the cell number block allows you to receive the confirmation message and the picture if you unblock messages and he sent me a picture of a heart that said forever in it. It was someone's joint headstone. It got to me. Broke my heart. Still gets me.
I haven't seen him in months...I agreed to meet him in a public place. We went to a restaurant. He's using a lot I can tell (meth). He looks terrible. He kept trying to hide this scab he had on his face. He explained somethings that happened in the past and I said I appreciated it, but I didn't come there so he could clear his conscience. He said he really misses me and he's scared.
He kept trying to hold my hand and hug me. I dropped him off at his apt. and then came inside for a bit .He begged me to stay with him.
He asked me to marry him and told me I'm one of four people who are always there for him in some way.
He told me how he treats everyone horribly and wishes he had "insides" like me. I told him that everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy and so did he. I told him that I know its hard, but I know he can do it. He fell asleep. I saw his pipe sitting out and he woke as he noticed me seeing it, and he said he was sorry for having that out. I told him I was going to take it. I told him I loved him and left.
Early that morning he was begging me to give it back to him and I said why don't you just get a new one? (He seemed to be oddly emotionally attached to it) Anyway, I agreed to meet with him again to give it back to him, but I wasn't going to. I was going to give him a children's book instead. The Velveteen Rabbit.
We set a time, he got all weird and quakcy..and I knew something was up. I was prepared anyhow. I blocked him again.
My aunt is a social worker and I've been talking to her about this. She's very wise and told me the usual anon stuff, but put me in touch with a recovered addict.
I contacted his stepmom again and asked her if she or anyone else in the family would be interested in an intervention.
I know, I am continuing to detach, but he kept telling me about instances like when he avoided his dad while he was on binge for four days and when he finally answered his dad was on the verge of tears and told him "do what you want buddy, but don't u ever not answer me like that"
he said he realized something when that happened. I really feel like collectively if we all told him how much we loved him, it just may push him that extra bit.
I won't be surprised if this woman doesn't respond. I am hoping she does with something.
i just need deep breaths today and I am taking it day by day. My heart has so much love for him. This is so terrible.
For some reason, the cell number block allows you to receive the confirmation message and the picture if you unblock messages and he sent me a picture of a heart that said forever in it. It was someone's joint headstone. It got to me. Broke my heart. Still gets me.
I haven't seen him in months...I agreed to meet him in a public place. We went to a restaurant. He's using a lot I can tell (meth). He looks terrible. He kept trying to hide this scab he had on his face. He explained somethings that happened in the past and I said I appreciated it, but I didn't come there so he could clear his conscience. He said he really misses me and he's scared.
He kept trying to hold my hand and hug me. I dropped him off at his apt. and then came inside for a bit .He begged me to stay with him.
He asked me to marry him and told me I'm one of four people who are always there for him in some way.
He told me how he treats everyone horribly and wishes he had "insides" like me. I told him that everyone deserves to be loved and to be happy and so did he. I told him that I know its hard, but I know he can do it. He fell asleep. I saw his pipe sitting out and he woke as he noticed me seeing it, and he said he was sorry for having that out. I told him I was going to take it. I told him I loved him and left.
Early that morning he was begging me to give it back to him and I said why don't you just get a new one? (He seemed to be oddly emotionally attached to it) Anyway, I agreed to meet with him again to give it back to him, but I wasn't going to. I was going to give him a children's book instead. The Velveteen Rabbit.
We set a time, he got all weird and quakcy..and I knew something was up. I was prepared anyhow. I blocked him again.
My aunt is a social worker and I've been talking to her about this. She's very wise and told me the usual anon stuff, but put me in touch with a recovered addict.
I contacted his stepmom again and asked her if she or anyone else in the family would be interested in an intervention.
I know, I am continuing to detach, but he kept telling me about instances like when he avoided his dad while he was on binge for four days and when he finally answered his dad was on the verge of tears and told him "do what you want buddy, but don't u ever not answer me like that"
he said he realized something when that happened. I really feel like collectively if we all told him how much we loved him, it just may push him that extra bit.
I won't be surprised if this woman doesn't respond. I am hoping she does with something.
i just need deep breaths today and I am taking it day by day. My heart has so much love for him. This is so terrible.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Please don't beat yourself up. But do look after yourself. I know how you are feeling. You think the heart can't love someone so much but it does and to see them self destruct is unbearable. And to know that they are alone and basically miserable due to their addictions is hard to witness as well. Remember though that unless you look after yourself, you are going to be collateral damage to his life. He may or may not get back on track. No one knows. That is why letting go is so important. Doesn't mean you can't love or care or be concerned but let go of the 'if only's'. It also doesn't mean you can't give up hope but you have to stop with the DOING.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Posts: 324
thanks so much BabyBlue. I can do this. My goal is to work harder at firm no contact. Its so hard, its much easier when he's a jerk..
I'm just going to keep praying for myself and him. For guidance, strength and continue to appreciate the small things in life. Like the sunshine and laughter. And there are big everyday things, like the support of wonderful people like everyone here. And to my surprise, my friends and family. I have really learned who my true friends are through all of this.
I'm just going to keep praying for myself and him. For guidance, strength and continue to appreciate the small things in life. Like the sunshine and laughter. And there are big everyday things, like the support of wonderful people like everyone here. And to my surprise, my friends and family. I have really learned who my true friends are through all of this.
I AM CANADIAN
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
keep up the good work, glad you saw him....you saw the REAL HIM...its a shame...he still does not want to IMPROVE HIMSELF...it takes for him one simple step., but HE HAS TO DO IT....
YOURE DOING AWESOME IN YOUR RECOVERY!!
YOURE DOING AWESOME IN YOUR RECOVERY!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
Mary, your post really hit home with me. My xbf is a recovering meth addict and I love him so much that I can really sympathize with your plight.
If you really feel that an intervention would possibly work with him, then gather as many people in his world that still care about him and do it. Don't worry about the stepmom's response ... you can spearhead the project ... out of love for him. I would encourage you to do it if you feel strongly about it.
During his active addiction, my xbf was a pain in the *ss! Would go on binges that would last up to a couple of weeks, would disappear for days at a time, wouldn't answer his phone, spent his free time (i.e., not looking to score dope) cruising craigslist ads, didn't work and was just altogether a total jerk in so many ways. But I saw something in him, deep inside him, that was worth saving. I had never known him sober; he was high when we met, but there is just something about him ...
I never gave up on him. Yes, we would argue. I would periodically kick him out (he was living with me for lack of anywhere else to go) but I would let him come back when he needed a shower or something to eat or a place to sleep other than his truck. That "one night" would always turn into several weeks and the whole thing would repeat itself. I lied for him, enabled him, paid his dealer off to keep him from getting hurt, supported him financially and emotionally. I sacrificed so much only to be disrespected, unappreciated and sh*t on over and over.
Like I said, I never gave up on him, but I did stop enabling him. I couldn't stand the thought of him out on the streets, however, so I did the only thing I could do at the time --- I turned him in to his probation officer (on probation for a non-drug related offense) and asked for mandatory drug rehab. His P.O. was unaware that he even used drugs, but she arranged for state-funded rehab. The only catch was that it was held in the confines of jail ... and he'd be there for 4 months. His mom and I talked about it and agreed that was what he needed and neither of us could afford real rehab.
He came out of it clean and sober but didn't get active in NA. Our relationship suffered because NEITHER ONE OF US did what we needed to overcome the disease of addiction. He didn't go to NA, didn't get a sponsor, didn't get a job. I didn't go to Nar-Anon or Alanon, I kept enabling his irresponsible attitude and we eventually broke up. During that time, he relapsed twice, but never (thankfully!) went on a binge. By this time he was living with his mom and when I found out about the relapse (I know his patterns), I told his mom. We had a huge confrontation with him and he soon after fell into a depression. After a couple of weeks of the depression, he picked himself up and got to an NA meeting - where he courageously, IMO, stood up and spoke of his relapse at 364 days clean and then he re-established his sobriety date.
He's now been completely clean for 3.5 months, extremely active in NA, diligently making an effort at true honesty, working now and saving money for a car. We still aren't together because he wants to concentrate on his recovery for the first year. And that's ok by me. My only motive in getting him help was with his best interest in mind. I have come to a gentle peace about him and I have learned to love him unselfishly. If we never get back together, that's ok. I love him enough to let him go. I'm just glad he's doing so well and I am so proud of him.
If your guy is worth saving, and if you love him as you say you do, then never give up. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself above all, of course, but do what you can to help him. Keep the faith, go to nar anon or alanon, read all you can on the disease of addiction, get his family involved if you can, and his friends too if he has any sober ones.
He, alone, will actually have to come to the point where he realizes that he can't control the addiction and that it's ruining his life. Only he can make that mindful step into true recovery. But it doesn't hurt to gently steer him in the right direction if you can. When he realizes that he can't keep the same company as when he uses, when he realizes that he can't succumb to triggers, when he realizes that he is at risk of losing everyone and everything, when he can't face another day of his life as it is, then he will be ready, but only he can realize those things for himself.
I wish you all the best, peace and happiness. I also wish you strength.
If you really feel that an intervention would possibly work with him, then gather as many people in his world that still care about him and do it. Don't worry about the stepmom's response ... you can spearhead the project ... out of love for him. I would encourage you to do it if you feel strongly about it.
During his active addiction, my xbf was a pain in the *ss! Would go on binges that would last up to a couple of weeks, would disappear for days at a time, wouldn't answer his phone, spent his free time (i.e., not looking to score dope) cruising craigslist ads, didn't work and was just altogether a total jerk in so many ways. But I saw something in him, deep inside him, that was worth saving. I had never known him sober; he was high when we met, but there is just something about him ...
I never gave up on him. Yes, we would argue. I would periodically kick him out (he was living with me for lack of anywhere else to go) but I would let him come back when he needed a shower or something to eat or a place to sleep other than his truck. That "one night" would always turn into several weeks and the whole thing would repeat itself. I lied for him, enabled him, paid his dealer off to keep him from getting hurt, supported him financially and emotionally. I sacrificed so much only to be disrespected, unappreciated and sh*t on over and over.
Like I said, I never gave up on him, but I did stop enabling him. I couldn't stand the thought of him out on the streets, however, so I did the only thing I could do at the time --- I turned him in to his probation officer (on probation for a non-drug related offense) and asked for mandatory drug rehab. His P.O. was unaware that he even used drugs, but she arranged for state-funded rehab. The only catch was that it was held in the confines of jail ... and he'd be there for 4 months. His mom and I talked about it and agreed that was what he needed and neither of us could afford real rehab.
He came out of it clean and sober but didn't get active in NA. Our relationship suffered because NEITHER ONE OF US did what we needed to overcome the disease of addiction. He didn't go to NA, didn't get a sponsor, didn't get a job. I didn't go to Nar-Anon or Alanon, I kept enabling his irresponsible attitude and we eventually broke up. During that time, he relapsed twice, but never (thankfully!) went on a binge. By this time he was living with his mom and when I found out about the relapse (I know his patterns), I told his mom. We had a huge confrontation with him and he soon after fell into a depression. After a couple of weeks of the depression, he picked himself up and got to an NA meeting - where he courageously, IMO, stood up and spoke of his relapse at 364 days clean and then he re-established his sobriety date.
He's now been completely clean for 3.5 months, extremely active in NA, diligently making an effort at true honesty, working now and saving money for a car. We still aren't together because he wants to concentrate on his recovery for the first year. And that's ok by me. My only motive in getting him help was with his best interest in mind. I have come to a gentle peace about him and I have learned to love him unselfishly. If we never get back together, that's ok. I love him enough to let him go. I'm just glad he's doing so well and I am so proud of him.
If your guy is worth saving, and if you love him as you say you do, then never give up. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself above all, of course, but do what you can to help him. Keep the faith, go to nar anon or alanon, read all you can on the disease of addiction, get his family involved if you can, and his friends too if he has any sober ones.
He, alone, will actually have to come to the point where he realizes that he can't control the addiction and that it's ruining his life. Only he can make that mindful step into true recovery. But it doesn't hurt to gently steer him in the right direction if you can. When he realizes that he can't keep the same company as when he uses, when he realizes that he can't succumb to triggers, when he realizes that he is at risk of losing everyone and everything, when he can't face another day of his life as it is, then he will be ready, but only he can realize those things for himself.
I wish you all the best, peace and happiness. I also wish you strength.
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
We still have a copy of "The Velveteen Rabbit" around here some where.
It was my daughters favorite back when she was 4 or 5. I bet I've read it to her 50 times easily. Good memories, thanks.
No contact is important, we're just like our addicts. One little slip leads to our codie relapse.
I know you know what to do to make YOU better.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
It was my daughters favorite back when she was 4 or 5. I bet I've read it to her 50 times easily. Good memories, thanks.
No contact is important, we're just like our addicts. One little slip leads to our codie relapse.
I know you know what to do to make YOU better.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
I went into the chat room too, that was helpful. I can't understand why this woman ignores me. But I am trying very to maintain peace and unfortunately I scheduled a date in the middle of all this tonight and I am DREADINNNGGG going. It makes everything too emotional for me and I need time just to be me without anyone getting in my space.
I did contact the woman my aunt hooked me up with and she recommended I offer to meet with him and ask him if she can come or if he'd like to meet her. She said I should spin it a bit so she's just a PTSD counselor and not an addiction specialist or recovered addict. I am so nervous about pitching this to him!
I am going to try and give him that book, offer to meet with her or her number which ever he prefers...and then bust the hell on outta there! Cause as much as I say I feel okay, I am terrified as all hell he's going to say no/go on a binge or something before I can give it to him.
Thanks guys. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I will be okay regardless, but man I can't help but feel a sense of urgency that only I know all of you will understand. Please pray he takes advantage of this resource. He works with a social worker @ and said he's been talking to him and seems to really appreciate this person's input...So I am hoping that this is something that interests him. If not, I will be happy to have given him the book. Because its about what's real. And love, ya no? And then I'll be on by way...
hopefully, dear god. whew.
I did contact the woman my aunt hooked me up with and she recommended I offer to meet with him and ask him if she can come or if he'd like to meet her. She said I should spin it a bit so she's just a PTSD counselor and not an addiction specialist or recovered addict. I am so nervous about pitching this to him!
I am going to try and give him that book, offer to meet with her or her number which ever he prefers...and then bust the hell on outta there! Cause as much as I say I feel okay, I am terrified as all hell he's going to say no/go on a binge or something before I can give it to him.
Thanks guys. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I will be okay regardless, but man I can't help but feel a sense of urgency that only I know all of you will understand. Please pray he takes advantage of this resource. He works with a social worker @ and said he's been talking to him and seems to really appreciate this person's input...So I am hoping that this is something that interests him. If not, I will be happy to have given him the book. Because its about what's real. And love, ya no? And then I'll be on by way...
hopefully, dear god. whew.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by MaryGoRound 
I can't understand why this woman ignores me.
I did contact the woman my aunt hooked me up with and she recommended I offer to meet with him and ask him if she can come or if he'd like to meet her. She said I should spin it a bit so she's just a PTSD counselor and not an addiction specialist or recovered addict. I am so nervous about pitching this to him!
I am going to try and give him that book, offer to meet with her or her number which ever he prefers...
I did contact the woman my aunt hooked me up with and she recommended I offer to meet with him and ask him if she can come or if he'd like to meet her. She said I should spin it a bit so she's just a PTSD counselor and not an addiction specialist or recovered addict. I am so nervous about pitching this to him!
I am going to try and give him that book, offer to meet with her or her number which ever he prefers...
Two things kept me so stuck with my guy. First, just the being next to him, smelling him, feeling his hand on mine or arm around me. It kept me hooked.
Second, the thinking maybe. Maybe this time something will really click into place, maybe the light will go off if I say this or that, introduce him to the "right" program or place. It kept me hooked.
I don't quite get why the recovering addict wants to try harder than seems right, or wise, or prudent (not sure what is the right word there). She is advocating ambushing him, or being dishonest. That's got me scratchin my head a little.
Of course you love him. And of course he feels badly. If he did not have a heart you wouldn't care for him so greatly. But, in my experience, the remorse and living a life of he!! is not the ticket to recovery. It is so elusive. And just not the same combo will work for everyone.
I really think that staying engaged all these months has been to your hard time of it. I mean, yeah, it's hard no matter what; staying in the game makes it impossible.
Peace...
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Coffee- those last two paragraphs ...could you rephrase them for me?
I've been meaning to respond to ur last pm too..I appreciated ur response to my question very much.
Ahhh, well it don't go well. Turns out, he says talking "to those people" upsets him and when I gave him the book he flipped out on me, asking me why I was giving it to him, that childhood stuff is the worst thing I could do to him (I feel soooo terrible, I didn't even think of it like that). I just really think he is going to die soon and I wanted him to have a piece of me, as cheesy as that sounds.
He was coming down I could tell, and he was screaming at me "you can't fix me". I was stumbling for my stuff already at this point and saying as I headed out the door, "okay, I get it."
To which, of course I completely feel like an idiot codie moron for having it be thrown in my face like that. iT hurts so terribly right now, I feel like my heart is breaking because I feel so embarrased to love someone who can't love me back. I have fallen for a sentimental message. And I so mad at myself for not being able to let this go. Let it truly go.
I guess I believe deep down, that I will never love someone so deeply again.
I'm terrified of other relationships, I'm angry and confused.
Back to step one, goddamnit! And the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that I know this all played out all too predictably.
I was trying to give him something so I could have closure. I wanted to give him that and it really was something so personal, and I am so ashamed for being so stupid.
I feel like his family is saying, this girl will see. i hate that I let his stupid ******* sentiments get to me. **** that.
I've been meaning to respond to ur last pm too..I appreciated ur response to my question very much.
Ahhh, well it don't go well. Turns out, he says talking "to those people" upsets him and when I gave him the book he flipped out on me, asking me why I was giving it to him, that childhood stuff is the worst thing I could do to him (I feel soooo terrible, I didn't even think of it like that). I just really think he is going to die soon and I wanted him to have a piece of me, as cheesy as that sounds.
He was coming down I could tell, and he was screaming at me "you can't fix me". I was stumbling for my stuff already at this point and saying as I headed out the door, "okay, I get it."
To which, of course I completely feel like an idiot codie moron for having it be thrown in my face like that. iT hurts so terribly right now, I feel like my heart is breaking because I feel so embarrased to love someone who can't love me back. I have fallen for a sentimental message. And I so mad at myself for not being able to let this go. Let it truly go.
I guess I believe deep down, that I will never love someone so deeply again.
I'm terrified of other relationships, I'm angry and confused.
Back to step one, goddamnit! And the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that I know this all played out all too predictably.
I was trying to give him something so I could have closure. I wanted to give him that and it really was something so personal, and I am so ashamed for being so stupid.
I feel like his family is saying, this girl will see. i hate that I let his stupid ******* sentiments get to me. **** that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
If someone gave me a child's book as a gesture of love and concern, I'd have been deeply moved. Don't feel terrible, don't feel badly. Just a reminder of why you need to stay away from him until he gets better.
You sound alot like me. I am a good listener/therapist. I am very compassionate and such a 'helper' but something painful (not having to do with him) happened in my life and where was he when I needed someone to listen? Probably at some bar. It was a wake up call. The capacity they have when using isn't what they have sober. You need to stop chasing the fantasy. That person is gone. For how long? no one knows but you are grieving the loss of what you thought could be. Not what IS.
I love your insight and self awareness. You do deserve someone who will appreciate your love.
You sound alot like me. I am a good listener/therapist. I am very compassionate and such a 'helper' but something painful (not having to do with him) happened in my life and where was he when I needed someone to listen? Probably at some bar. It was a wake up call. The capacity they have when using isn't what they have sober. You need to stop chasing the fantasy. That person is gone. For how long? no one knows but you are grieving the loss of what you thought could be. Not what IS.
I love your insight and self awareness. You do deserve someone who will appreciate your love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by MaryGoRound
Coffee- those last two paragraphs ...could you rephrase them for me?
he says talking "to those people" upsets him
To which, of course I completely feel like an idiot codie moron
I am so ashamed for being so stupid.
he says talking "to those people" upsets him
To which, of course I completely feel like an idiot codie moron
I am so ashamed for being so stupid.
And that his feeling badly about where he's at, is not enough to get him to fix things - nor is it enough to keep you engaged. It's not how he feels - his remorse, his wishing things were different, his wanting to stop the cycle - that make any difference at all. It's what he does with those feelings.
In the last paragraph, I was saying that I think you are still "in it" with him. Even when you had no contact at all, there has been a part of you still connected, and still wishing for a change. Based on my experience, it keeps you stuck instead of being able to really move on.
"talking to those people" is his way of saying that he wants to be in charge of his situation, he doesn't want you to throw it up in his face, he doesn't want the reminder of how messed up things are and what he should do about it. This not wanting you to talk about recovery, with or without others involved in the conversation, is classic.
Don't feel like an idiot. Do not.
Don't feel stupid. Do not.
"Stupid" has really nothing to do with where you're at. I know I'm not stupid, yet I remained in a futile situation for a VERY long time with my addict. I felt like I would never love someone as deeply as I did him. And you know what, I may never. My feelings were incredibly deep and powerful. But at the end of the day, it would not make the relationship be the fulfilling, reciprocal thing it is supposed to be. Just too much selfishness, and too little real, lasting change for that to be the case.
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Thanks so much guys. I feel better today. Its kinda funny how much easier it gets. Ya no the first time I tried to let go I went through this huge pain/realization thing. I though my life was over. And I realized it does go on. I went through a little depressed phase and I emerged happy and more secure.
I have to accept he may die a man trapped avoidance.
He felt so dark yesterday. He couldn't even form sentences. His presence didn't even feel like himself. I didn't even want to be there and I almost just left without saying anything about what I came to talk about. He also texted me saying "you're ridiculous. you need more therapy than me."
And I recognized that as him feeling insecure about someone telling him he needs help and just being a jerk, but ya no what it hurt really bad. I told him unlike him, I'm not afraid.
I just felt like he was saying pretty much everything I've said and done is invalid because i'm so "insane" in that codependent way.
And no, I never truly let it go. You're so right Coffee, all of those feelings aren't enough.
I keep thinking that because he loved me and felt regretful that that would eventually prompt him to take the first step. I still feel incredibly foolish, but the pain has lessened today greatly. I feel so much better when he's blocked. It's like putting up a shield.
I have to let go of that belief of us eventually being together. i have to let that go. I don't know, I think maybe only therpy will help me break down that belief i have, maybe its to protect me in a way...from the uncertainty of the future.
I have to accept he may die a man trapped avoidance.
He felt so dark yesterday. He couldn't even form sentences. His presence didn't even feel like himself. I didn't even want to be there and I almost just left without saying anything about what I came to talk about. He also texted me saying "you're ridiculous. you need more therapy than me."
And I recognized that as him feeling insecure about someone telling him he needs help and just being a jerk, but ya no what it hurt really bad. I told him unlike him, I'm not afraid.
I just felt like he was saying pretty much everything I've said and done is invalid because i'm so "insane" in that codependent way.
And no, I never truly let it go. You're so right Coffee, all of those feelings aren't enough.
I keep thinking that because he loved me and felt regretful that that would eventually prompt him to take the first step. I still feel incredibly foolish, but the pain has lessened today greatly. I feel so much better when he's blocked. It's like putting up a shield.
I have to let go of that belief of us eventually being together. i have to let that go. I don't know, I think maybe only therpy will help me break down that belief i have, maybe its to protect me in a way...from the uncertainty of the future.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
Glad to hear you are doing better!
I have written my AH so many heartfelt, bleeding notes and he never responds. I have laid myself out there so much, that I feel like he has the upperhand in how to further manipulate me! As I read your postings I kept feeling like I knew what the outcome would be...and it was pretty close. I have given my AH so many lifelines and he has turned down every single one. And, the ONLY time he is even near able to even speak a truth or two is when he is sober for a moment. Otherwise, he can be downright mean and nasty.
I was told today that I need serious "help"...been told this many times. It sucks! It stings! But then I have to realize who is telling me I need help...a man so deep in denial he doesn't even consider himself an addict. Maybe if someone clean and sober and more said that to me it would hold more clout. Seriously! We do not need to absorb such ridiculous babble which is merely deflection. If they tell us how "sick" and in need of "help" we are, they can forget that they have a huge issue that needs addressing.
It's so sad...glad you are going no-contact again. At least that is an option for you. It isn't for me right now, but maybe someday.
I have written my AH so many heartfelt, bleeding notes and he never responds. I have laid myself out there so much, that I feel like he has the upperhand in how to further manipulate me! As I read your postings I kept feeling like I knew what the outcome would be...and it was pretty close. I have given my AH so many lifelines and he has turned down every single one. And, the ONLY time he is even near able to even speak a truth or two is when he is sober for a moment. Otherwise, he can be downright mean and nasty.
I was told today that I need serious "help"...been told this many times. It sucks! It stings! But then I have to realize who is telling me I need help...a man so deep in denial he doesn't even consider himself an addict. Maybe if someone clean and sober and more said that to me it would hold more clout. Seriously! We do not need to absorb such ridiculous babble which is merely deflection. If they tell us how "sick" and in need of "help" we are, they can forget that they have a huge issue that needs addressing.
It's so sad...glad you are going no-contact again. At least that is an option for you. It isn't for me right now, but maybe someday.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by MaryGoRound
He also texted me saying "you're ridiculous. you need more therapy than me."
Aahh, if I had a dime for everytime I heard that I needed so much help and therapy ..... lol
I actually DO need therapy (I'm bipolar); however, I didn't need therapy simply because of my stopping enabling, stopping catering, stopping worrying so much, setting boundaries.
Mary, seriously, if you ever want to talk, meth-heads ex-gf to meth-heads ex-gf, you just PM me! I am more than happy to talk about my situation and where I've come.
You hang in there girl!
Amolibri
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: NY
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by infiniti
Aahh, if I had a dime for everytime I heard that I needed so much help and therapy ..... lol
I actually DO need therapy (I'm bipolar); however, I didn't need therapy simply because of my stopping enabling, stopping catering, stopping worrying so much, setting boundaries.
Mary, seriously, if you ever want to talk, meth-heads ex-gf to meth-heads ex-gf, you just PM me! I am more than happy to talk about my situation and where I've come.
You hang in there girl!
I actually DO need therapy (I'm bipolar); however, I didn't need therapy simply because of my stopping enabling, stopping catering, stopping worrying so much, setting boundaries.
Mary, seriously, if you ever want to talk, meth-heads ex-gf to meth-heads ex-gf, you just PM me! I am more than happy to talk about my situation and where I've come.
You hang in there girl!
Remember...always....you are not alone!
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