steve1840

so, i was doing rather well today. then i just got a call from her hysterical crying, i could barely make out what she was saying. she said she needed me to come get hger, that she couldn't talk. i told her i had to stay at work but i'd go after. i work late on wed nite. she called back half hour later froim another number. still crying. she said she got raped and robbed and for me to hurry. i cant jeopordize my job at this point because i missed so much time the past couple months.

i dont wantto make light of this if its real.

hello-kitty

Tell her to call 9-1-1. You are not qualified to deal with rape and robbery.

keepinon

she needs to call the police

steve1840

that's what i said. but i think she's scared to call the police because of warrents.

steve1840

i am not a bad person for not jumping and running out of work am i?

keepinon

no..go to work..people calll the police when they have been robbed and raped. that is who responds to crimes..the police..are you a police officer?

dollydo

911 is the number she needs to call. If she has warrents then she will have to face the music. That's what we responsible adults do. Accept responsibility for our actions.

Steve, if you don't stop this, you will end up losing your job, even if you don't keep taking time off, your performance will slide down hill.

Again, I say No Contact. She has made her decision to go back to the street, there is danger on the street, she knows this, this is totally her choice.

Babyblue

No Steve, you are not a bad person.
She needs to call the police.
If she doesn't want the cops then she should take herself to an emergency room for treatment.
None of this is your responsibility. She is an adult.
Also Steve, you are risking your own safety by getting overly involved.
If you are that concerned, call a family member and tell them but do NOT go rescue her.

sofacat

Not your problem.

She needs to learn to stand on her own. You running to her aid is no help to her, no help to you.

It is possible that she realizes you are starting to detach from her drama. She may be pulling out all the stops to get you to run to her. It's just a hunch...

nonetheless... rape is a crime. Let the professionals handle this....unless, of course..you're a cop. Also...what would she even have to rob????????? Prob her way of trying to get money.

Take care of you. You're doing great.

Kindeyes

Steve
No.....you are not a bad person for not jeopardizing your job to rescue her once again. As others have said, the police respond to issues like this. Even if you DID leave to go help her, it would then be your responsibility to report it to the police, right? Then, you'd be the "bad guy" for calling the cops. She has put you in a lose/lose situation.

When the codependent begins to separate themselves from the addict, things begin to change. The addict begins to try more desparately to control the codie......their behavior escalates. They are masters of manipulation.

If she has really been raped, she needs police intervention and medical help. Perhaps you can ask her where she is if she calls again and you can call 911 and have the police go get her? Just a thought.

gentle hugs

fourmaggie

SEE, now I can see this much clearer....NOT YOUR PROBLEM.......remember she is suffurring from the ISMs...I, SELF, and ME....to get her way...and drag you back in....this LIFE is now being runned BY YOU and YOU only....

Callie

Steve - this is HUGE! This is HER responsibility. Warrants or not, by stepping OUT OF THE WAY, she's able to reach HER bottom quicker. DO NOT jump in. You're doing what you should be doing. She's not. She made the choice to live out on the streets, these are HER consequences from HER choices. If it's even true. I know my xah cried wolf something similar a few times. Had the entire family calling me crying, upset etc. NONE of it was true.

Step away and stay @ work.

Callie

It is possible that she realizes you are starting to detach from her drama. She may be pulling out all the stops to get you to run to her. It's just a hunch...


UH Yea, exactly wht my xah did to me and I came here frantically to SR freaking out just as you. It was all a lie. Even if hers isn't she had MANY chances to chose life, a relationship over the streets. She chose the streets.

Impurrfect

(((Steve))) - I WAS raped, when I was still new to the streets. He didn't rob me of anything but a pack of cigarettes (WITH my crack pipe in it) and my shoes, but I found the shoes when I went back to the spot later. I walked 11 miles, barefooted, back to the 'hood and instantly got "fronted" some dope until I could come up with the money. I'd never DONE the prostitution thing, but I figured WTF, might as well do it now...bf was in jail, no dope from him, had to come up with money.

THAT'S what goes through our minds when we're actively using. I did tell a cop (who was very good to me) about it, she said if she ever caught him she'd love to get her hands on him. He did come back in the 'hood, later, I actually got in the truck with him, not realizing who it was until he refused to give me any money...I then made him take me back, and he did. My cop friend was up the street, but said unless I was willing to press charges, she couldn't do anything, and I wasn't...I was on probation and knew I'd get thrown in jail.

I went right back to doing what I did.

No one deserves to be raped/robbed, but having been on dope, I know I put myself into positions where I was just ASKING for trouble. I really, really should be dead.

Whether or not she's telling the truth, you can't fix it. She has to deal with this, and NO, you should not leave work and jeopardize your job.

FWIW, a year or so, ago, I read an article where a woman was raped in the town I lived in...NOT a street person, but the description of the man fit MY rapist to a tee. I called the crimestoppers line, told them my story, that it had happened 3 years, or more ago, but where he hung out and that he'd been doing this for years. Have no idea if it helped, but he has been arrested and will be in jail a long, long time.

I got my justice, but I never WOULD have, had I not been in recovery. I didn't much CARE about what was going on in the world, all I cared about was getting more dope.

I also agree with everyone that when she feels you pulling away, she will pull out all stops to keep you strung along. She left her appt., the other day, she chooses to be on the streets, and she KNOWS that it's a dangerous place, but she keeps...going...back.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

kj3880

You would be doing her a huge disservice if you keep "rescuing" her from her own consequences. Allow her to feel some pain, so that she can reach her bottom faster. Otherwise, you may just love her to death.

Callie

My gosh Amy. You've been through it all. What a beautiful person you are in your recovery.

outtolunch

I usually find that I sink to my lowest and become angered with someone, when he/she does not do what I want them to do.

It serves as I reminder to me that I have no power/control over other people and I need to control the only person I can, me.

steve1840

thanks for all the posts.

i am tired. i am getting sick. i cannot do it any more. i am going to let the weekend unfold as it may and i am going to reclaim my life.

Lizzaayy

good for you, steve!
it's hard to do, that's for sure.
just keep trying.

Live

you DO get to choose how you spend your weekend.

Since I no longer live in the insanity...I am going to spend my weekend working on moving into the place I just bought and making it mine.

It's reasonable to ask my guy to help too.
And I am sure he will.

He probably has plans of things he wants to do too.
We will accomodate those.