Kindeyes

I'm having a tough go this morning......I fear it is recovery slippage (mine)

The last report I provided on my AS was that he had sent me a very short email on Monday evening that he was checking in with detox the next morning (Tuesday--yesterday).

I haven't heard from him. I don't know if he's there or if he went. I called the detox center and they advised me that they couldn't tell me if he is there--privacy issues of course. I don't know if they'll give him access to a telephone.

I've been doing ok with all of this until last night and this morning. I woke up during the night sweating and anxious with my heart pounding. I got back to sleep. This morning I sit down to check my email (nothing of course from AS) and read on SR. As I am reading I realize that there is a very real possibility that he never went to detox.

I have no control over whether he went or not.......I am hoping he is there and that they are helping him through the awful process of withdrawal (meth and heroin). I am praying and praying and trying to have faith that he is in God's hands.

I sure wish I knew for sure though.

24hrsAday

sorry to hear you are going through such a very difficult time.. have you tried Al-Anon? the support might help you..

tam

so sorry kindeyes, I hope and pray he is in rehab. in jan.when my husband went in ,the next morning I had a gut feeling he left, all night I was up. I called the rehab place and asked how he was, they too told me they couldnt tell me if he was there or not. so I asked, well how will I know? so they said, we can give him a message to call you, if he doesnt call you in 20 minutes that means he left. so I waited, longest 20 minutes I ever saw and no call. yep,he left the night before.
is your AS allowed to make calls out if you request the facility to have him call you at least so you know something? hope you hear some good news today...hugs!

Kindeyes

Tam
Thank you. It's nice to know that they will allow him to make outbound phone calls if he is able. If he is there, I'm sure it is taking all of his energy to stay there and work through detox and eventually he will call. If he is not there, I may not hear from him for weeks....if at all.

I need to concentrate on me and keeping my head on straight regardless of what he is doing or where he is......just having a little difficulty doing that today.

Hurtbad2505

Big gentle hugs to you Kindeyes.. Whether we hand them over to God or not, we are still Moms and our hearts hope and hope. I know the feeling of Serenity and I also know the feeling of such deep despair and fear that can wake you in the middle of the night when your guard is down. It is something that cannot be explained to anyone who hasn't experienced it. I said a prayer for your son right after reading your post and will keep praying for him. When I am feeling the worry take me over, I try to remember that it takes just as much energy to worry as it does to pray...will be praying with you dear.

Chino

I don't know if it's really slippage? Your words reflect your acceptance of being powerless and sometimes it just flat out hurts like hell. The only way out is through and I'm seeing you working your way through. Hang in there lady

keepinon

You know I can feel your pain. I have "relapsed" many many times this year, but i've had many times of serenty too. It's progress, not perfection!As for wanting to know if he is ther..of course you do! Try to have faith that it will be revealed when the time is right (easier said than done.)Your son has been making lots of baby steps toward rehab. I truly beleive he is on his way. Hang in there KindEyes!

Impurrfect

(((Kindeyes))) - I agree with ((Chino)). Having to accept that we just don't know where they are, and what they're doing..and having the hope that they're doing something RIGHT, hurts like hell.

You're not rushing down to the detox to see if he's there, you're not roaming the streets, trying to find him. You're dealing with your feelings, and you're posting here.

To me, that's all GOOD stuff!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

[QUOTE=Impurrfect;2723527
You're not rushing down to the detox to see if he's there[/QUOTE]

It has crossed my mind though.......lol

Resisting the urge.

steve1840

that is so hard to do, especially when "the streets" are so close to home. i hope you stay strong. it was hard not looking today and already the there are thoughts about tonight. i wish i had a fraction of the strength that you all have. (well i guess any amount would be a fraction, so i want a larger fraction of the strength you all have).

Kindeyes

Well....I couldn't help myself. I called the detox center again. He's not there.

Impurrfect

(((Kindeyes))) - Oh, I've had the thoughts, too However, realizing that we don't have to ACT on those thoughts is pretty cool.

Think it through...when I consider snooping into someone else's affairs, I have to ask myself "am I REALLY ready to deal with what I may find?" Usually, I'm not (I've found out some pretty bad stuff doing this, in the past). Sooo, I say the serenity prayer about a million times, and I come here.

You and your son remain in my prayers.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect

okay, we were posting at the same time. I'm sorry I still pray that he "gets it" soon, and that you can keep your focus on you, but I do know the let-down feeling.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

keepinon

I'm sorry KindEyes, but I do think he'll get there. He is in the contemplation phase and that is good. Hopefully he will get there soon and be reday to surrender. Until they are willing to anything its just not time yet. He knows you are there when he wants treatment.

Serenity Bound

Kindeyes, Praying that he gets it soon.

Hugs,
Chris

Hurtbad2505

I Pray that he really gets it soon too. I'll bet if you think back, you can remember a time when he would never even consider detoxing, he is not quite ready yet, but he will be soon. Hugs...

dollydo

I too hope that your son finally gets himself into recovery. Until then, there is really nothing you can do. Checking up on him is not going to change a thing, and, in many cases will just cause you more stress.

Take a few deep breaths, say a prayer for your son, and, try and go about your life.

Sending hugs your way.

chicory

Kindeyes,

first- a big hug for you.

second- I don't know much, but from what I have learned here, it is not an easy choice for the addict to go to detox. Yet, he sounds to me like he wants it. That is a start, in the right direction. I am sorry that it is so hard on you. I know that you want this for him more than anything. You have been doing all the right things, tho. He keeps coming back, to talk about detox. He is showing good signs. It is probably different for everyone, and may not be a smooth transition, but he seems to be going toward it.

This must be the tough stuff. I am saying prayers for him, and for your peace. I am thiniking of you, and praying for good things , and soon!

sojourner

((((((hugs))))))))))

Sojourner

Kindeyes

well.......I spent the day escaping in a Wii game. lol

But I thought about my son anyway.......one thing that came to mind.....and perhaps someone can help me with this one. If my son checked in with the doctors at the detox center and they thought he needed hospitalization, they may have put him in a local hospital for a while instead of putting him in the detox center?

I don't know.......I just don't know and it's out of my control.

There is no sense in worrying about something I have no control over and what do they call it.....awfullizing.

Time will reveal the answers to all of my questions.

Thank you all for the kind words of encouragement. I'm going to go to bed and see if I can get some sleep.

gentle hugs