1988July

I tried to post already IDK what I am doing I am 22 my daughters dad and I were amazingly in love we made people sick we were suppose to get married and live happily ever after. Then he started to use heroin and hit me alot. Both issues got to be everyday. Then he started to see this girl that would provide him with as much as he wanted any time day or night. He got soo bad. He would hit me like every day every other day. I snuck out one night an truly believed that if I didnt he would kill me. When I left he had beat me so bad I was bleeding from my eyes and ears. I lost all the hearing from my right ear and had 12 concussions. He ended up going to jail he got sober and told me that he was so in love w me and he lost sight becuase of the heroin and he would never hurt me again I got back with him and everything was wonderful for a little while until he got drunk one night and called her. I left I needed to clear my head and he didnt even give me a week to do so before he started to get high again on a regular basis and they were together non stop. I dont know what to do. He was suppose to go to jail today but somehow he managed not to I want him to go I feel like atleast then he will be safe and wont be high. It is so selfish and i know it but I dont think he is cheating on me to cheat or he was I feel l ike it is to get high but he blames me he sd he wouldnt have done it if I wouldnt have left and he is right we were suppose to be married but i left when things got rough. What was I suppose to do? IDK. I am so lost I want so bad to believe it is the heroin and I am really his baby girl an it is a phase or something but I have never been an addict I dont know what it is or what it is like Why is he doing this. He wont even take help he just blames me I never wanted to hurt him I just couldnt stay. We are not together and we havent been since april and the recent month attempt about 3 weeks ago but i still worry I still feel guilty when it is going to go away when will I be over him or it When is it time for me to realize that I cant fix him and I have to just forget I ever met him and move on? He used to be my everything i really thought he was my soulmate and now I dont even know who he is. I miss him so much. Is this who he is now or is it the heroin? I need help I have no closure.

suki44883

Closure? Well, the first time he hit me would be all the closure I would need. Sorry, but no one has the right to physically abuse another person.

Other than that, welcome to SR. A lot of us have been where you are and know that there is life after being involved with an addict.

Please, keep yourself safe.

rose

Just a suggestion, try to stay away from him, no contact, get yourself together. You seem terribly upset. Give yourself the chance to settle down, that way you will be able to look at things more clearly. He has become a very sick man, out of your control. He almost kill you. Think about what would happen to your daughter if you were not here.

Rose

ANGELINA243

Please take care of you--and your child. (I hope I understood correctly in that you two have a daughter together.) You are right--you cannot change him. I will tell you one thing. What he does...that isn't your fault>whatever actions he does--whether drinking or using other drugs. Addicts are really good at manipulation and blaming others and trying to make people feel either guilty or sorry for them. Let him go--especially if he is still using. You have a little one to look after. You need to be concerned due to his history of violence towards you. You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it--his addiction.

dollydo

Welcome, we are here for you.

To me, physical abuse is a deal breaker. I don't accept that he only abused ypu because of the drugs. A person can be an abuser and never touch drugs or drink. And, like addiction, it will progress.

Your first responsibility is to your child, not to him. You are not his baby girl, you are an adult and mother to your child.

I would also sugges no contact, if he assults you again, call the cops, press charges against him and get a restraining order. He has no right to put his hands on you, and you have a responsibility to not expose your daughter to this toxicity.

freebuthurting

Faced with a man like that I would say there is one appropriate course of action:



After you and your child are safely away from him -then focus on being a good mum and your own recovery.

Ann

Welcome to SR, July.

Abuse escalates with time, so please believe me when I say that your life and your daughter's life are in danger here.

Please call a women's shelter near you and they can help you find a safe way to get away from this man, whether you choose to go today or have it as an emergency plan for the future.

I know you think you love this man, but I promise you all the love in the world won't change him, if it would not one of us would be here. But your love leaves you and your daughter in danger and "next time" may be too late.

There is a lot of good information on here, click this link and see if there is anything that may help you...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html

Welcome to SR, I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Hugs

Kindeyes

You do not deserve to be hit....no one does. The drug issue is bad enough but if you took the drugs out of the picture, the violence is so totally unacceptable.

You are a child of this universe and the damage that this man that you love is causing for you and your child is horrific. You are so young!

Please.....if you can't do it for yourself......do it for your child. Find help. Stay away. Protect yourself. Get a restraining order. Do whatever you need to do to stay safe. You deserve so much more out of life and so does your little girl.

gentle hugs

nodaybut2day

The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY)
Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7

It's FREE.

Please call and get some counselling and perhaps some legal help in keeping this man away from you.

wow1323

RUN...xox

Serenity Bound

Please listen to the others, take care of you & your little one. Be Safe!!!

karma35

just to say glad u got here - theres alot of love in safer arms hun
Karma

lunaa

Again,i'll share with you the 3C's i've been shared with since my first post.
You didnt CAUSE it.
You cant Control it.
You cant Cure it.
I didnt know alot about addiction until i realised my bf is an addict.
From your words i can see you blame yourself as a result of him blaming you. I was there before,too. Addicts make excuses for their using,my addict boyfriend blames it on me ,sometimes his family,work pressure( when he had a job ) . I believed those " exuses" constantly trying to harder to change myself ,circumstances in order to control his using,you know what? Addiction is a choice, everyone else suffers same pressures but they dont use. if you left it's because u were hurt and tired ,that's no reason for him to use,try not to fall for that as i did.

outtolunch

Drug use tends to magnify pre-existing personality traits. I would not attribute domestic violence to his addiction.

Your daughter is learning how to let people treat her by your example.

Please protect your child.

keepinon

please get counseling for you.if you don't, there is a high likelihood you could repeat this pattern in another relationship. Your boundaries have been crossed so severely and frequently that you no longer really have any. Concentrate on getting yourself healthy and I bet you will see that this situation is unacceptable.

1988July

Sorry I didn't get back quick. The whole situation is new to me and scary. I have no idea what I am doing and I did leave him. I just feel soo sick and sad sometimes. Like I could have done something to help him. But I left and it gets me everytime. Everyday it does get better some days less then others, but all in all I know I cannot live a safe and happy life with him. I have pts and I can't talk myself into getting help. I just feel like women have gone thru what I did for only 3 years for 10 or 15 my situation is petty. I just wish I knew when I would be completly ok with him not being around and realize I didn't do it.

1988July

I know I need to but it scares me. I feel so petty going to counseling and I have been told I have pts. Nightmares and just flinchy behavior around men. I have been doing ok by bottling things up but latley when I do have weak moments I do cry, they are few and far between but there isnt one day that I don't wonder why this all happened. We were suppose to be happy.

1988July

I really have fallen for it. I used to believe that eveyone is accountable for their own actions and there was no room for excuses. I don't know if it was him hitting me or me just getting older and maybe I am less stubborn and more understanding... maybe stupid. But I truely feel like if I had been home more and worked less, had sex more, let him drink when he wanted, appreciated him more, I don't know there is millions of them. And I left when he was at, what I thought was his rock bottom I left I snuck out in the middle of the night when he was passed out. We were suppose to get married 7 days after I left him, we were moving into a house together and when he said he needed me the most I split.

1988July

I will say this about the domestic assault hotlines they don't work... they really don't. I tried to call them I tried to call for help and get me and the kids out without having my face busted open so for anyone reading this you will have more luck sneaking away and then going to the courts. The only thing with him he doesnt care about cops or the courst so it wasnt worth it for me to go. When I called them I was sent to Voice Mail everytime. I left on the message that I was still with the Abuser and not to leave a message or tell anyone why they were calling, because he answered my cell phone always and checked my messages, they called me a few days later and he answered it they told him who they were, they told him they were calling to speak with me and that I had called. That was one of the worst days of my life.

1988July

I wish I could tattoo that to my forearm..lol. And I wish it was easier to believe that people do these things just because they want to. I still don't really understand alot and I want to be ok so fast it just wont come.