smith2b555

I'll try to make this short and to the point. Dated 2 years,married 5 years. Figured out his addiction a few months after married. the mood swings were heavy after I moved in. he confessed to the problem. I have been supportive and understanding. Fast forward to now. rehab failes 3x. Went home today for lunch and H is home sick with withdrawals again. He used his prescription up early. Been buying other peoples prescriptions too. He can't find any this week-so a week off work and misery for everyone. Debt has piled up over the years. When he has been sober from rehab he blames me for the CC debt. How am I supposed to support the house? Especially when he spends 4-5 hundred a month sometimes. I'm tired of it, I don't even want to go home after work. I love him dearly, but I can't cope anymore. We haven't even slept in the same bed for about a year. To make things worse he found out my parents have a prescription for the drug of his choice and now buys them. I feel so stuck. They won't listen to me because he pays them well and they say they need it. So, while I'm miserable and scraping by, H gets to have his buzz and my parents get the funds for a new car.

steve1840

hi-

sorry for what you are going through. i am fairly new here too and after a few months of this, it is starting to sink in. it's unfortunate that your parents are selling the pills to him. do they know what is going on?

my gf's dad used to give her pills when she asked, have her sell some for him etc. at the time she was not yet on hard drugs, but he helped pave the way. now she's on heroin and crack at $100 to $200 a day.

so, i am not the one to help at all, but all i can say is that you are not alone and that there are many on here who have been through it all. the one thing i have started to learn is that the roller coaster will continue until we get off.

smith2b555

I told my parents about the addiction when I found out. My dad told me to stick it out and be there for my husband. Then years later I found out about them selling the stuff to him. We are not close anymore. In fact the only time I really see my parents are when they are doing their deals with my husband. I have often thought of divorce but I feel selfish for wanting out. My parents pretend like there is no issue with any of it. I just don't know where to turn anymore.

smith2b555

Sometimes I feel like turning them all in. If I didn't love them I would. Sometimes I think I should because I do love them.

Kindeyes

smith2b555
Welcome to SR. You will be amazed by how many stories on SR are very similar to yours. It's disheartening and comforting all at the same time. There are people here who understand what you are dealing with and hopefully, you will be able to gain strength from the experience of others.

The trick to dealing with addiction is always how to fix the problem without the expectation of "fixing" the addict. It's like a rubik's cube times a million......but it is possible. I hope you'll stick around and read the stickies up above....there is a whole bunch of great information there.

More people will be along shortly to warmly welcome you.

gentle hugs

dollydo

I'd have him move in with your parents and go about my life.

What are you doing for you?

I am sorry that you are going through, however, the only person that can change it, is you!

Keep posting.

briana09

I like Dollydo's idea...I often feel the guilt of thinking of divorcing my AH but Im reminded and reminding you that everyone deserves the pursuit of happiness. You ARE allowed and deserve to be happy too! Your parents are def enabling him. Im so sorry for this unfortunate and sad situation.
Put yourself first. Go to Al Anon. Hang in there. And whatever you decide to do, own it and don't look back.
Hugs!
K

lunaa

Your parents help him out ? My parents dont know that my boyfriend is an addict .
I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry your parents are enabling him too.

newnormal4me

In my humble opinion your parents and AH need a serious wake up call. I am in a similar boat (minus the parent issue), however am in the process to make some serious changes in my life. My AH has also been using drugs for 6ish years. I found out 5 years ago. 5 years is a LONG TIME to be dealing with this crap. You are not selfish, nor am I to want the better life that not only we deserve, but can also create for ourselves. You don't have to divorce, a legal separation is nearly the same without the dissolution of the marriage. If you love him still and want to try to make him face the consequences of his actions, then think about it.

I am in the process of filing for legal separation. I too have dreaded the thought of divorce, and I do still love my husband. But I actually don't hardly like him anymore and I hate drugs with a purple passion. So I am stuck...and finding my way out. Huge difference here is my AH refuses to believe he is an addict and therefore does not need help. Well, in 5 years his success rate has equaled two weeks at a time, maybe 3 at best. No rehab, no meetings, no nothing. He is a sick man and I have become sick from it. It is so sad.

As I've changed my way of thinking...to quit dreaming about our future together (and we have 2 children), which is a fantasy at this point...and to start dreaming about a future for myself and my children, I am getting stronger. This is no way to live! It will just slowly destroy everything.

****{HUGS}}}

smith2b555

Angel, I hope the best for you. Thank you for your comments. It has to be twice as hard when there is a complete denial on his part. I have, like you, missed out on so much happiness over the last 5 years. We have 3 kids, none together though. I thank god my ex is a responsible parent. He keeps the my 2 kids alot so I can keep them from being exposed to this.The ex has no idea what is going on, he just thinks I am selfish and like the time away from the kids. It kills me to think of how much I have missed with them. I need to start thinking of a plan to get out.

smith2b555

I told my parents about the situation when I realized there was a real problem. They went behind my back and started selling him pills that they get. I found out later after some suspicious calls and a few visits that seemed to too short.

smith2b555

You are right. I just don't know how to begin again. I have been through one ugly divorce already and I never wanted to go through that again. I never saw this coming. I'm sure my AH didn't either though. His addiction started from a prescription from his doc over an injury. It just snow balled.

Live

He all ready has abandoned the marriage, tho'.
And, boy oh boy, addiction sure screws up the kids.
They will be furious with you later in life for abandoning them to his addiction.
Check out the adult children of alcoholics forum.
That's a sobering one...for both parents, the addict and the spouse!
I don't mean to be hard on you...but it is about way more than the current crisis, which we commonly get caught up in.
The heartache that follows from that lifestyle is seriously damaging.
You might be in some denial about that.
I'd like to help you save yourself from some of that, it is why I am talking so blunt.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings or discount your thinking.
But I hope you will check that forum out and ponder on it.

smith2b555

You couldn't be too hard on me. The truth is the truth. I see it in their faces all the time. My D (14) already resents me. I have a son (9) who is autistic, and life is already hard for him. My stepson (19) is taking it the hardest. He is sick of his dad's roller coaster. He never gets a break from it.

Live

I am so sorry you are carrying the whole load of this.
I highly suggest ala-teen for the 19 and 14 year old.
Al-anon for yourself or nar-anon.
Your avatar shows vividly how sad and lonely you are in this.
You and they deserve so much more from life.
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

Live

AND you don't need to beat yourself up or beat yourself down anymore.
I am sure you have had way more than enough of that.
Building yourself up, affirming, validating and finding support and sanity for yourself (and only for yourself) is a pathway to peace.

lunaa

I understand how you feel ,you dont want to go through another divorce,but do you want to go through this instead? I remember reading that we tend to think that our sitiuation (being in realtionships with addicts) is bad we endure because we think it's much better than being alone and the pain that comes with it,i feel the same way but trust me it's wrong to hold on to someone for such reason.

lunaa

Despite their reaction i think it was the right thing to do anyway,letting someone in on the whole sitiuation you cant be suffering alone in this.
I pray they change their attitude and realize they harm they are doing to you and to him.