Update!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
"Sometimes we codependents create reasons to remain engaged in the drama and sometimes we even involve others in it, too.
You can buy a used copy of this for about $1.95 on Amazon. Surely this is a small price to pay side-step drama and imposing on your dad."
thank you, lunch, for that insight. i did not see it that way. i thought by avoiding dealing with the situation myself, i was actually doing better.
but i suppose that i was wrong.
however, i still haven't spoken to the X in almost a month. so there is progress in that definitely. and the fact that i am actively trying to avoid contact is another sign that hey, i am finally getting it. the fantasy has passed and reality has made itself known to me. i have no hopes or prayers of a future with that person. i have let that go, and am at peace with the fact.
i was only, only, considering getting my granma her book back, and simply did not think about buying her a new one.
i do not own a credit card or have a bank account, so i will just go to a book store and buy her one.
"Last guy was abusive. This guy is an addict.
We codependents have a tendency to keep in doing what we have been doing and somehow expect a different outcome. In otherwords, it's not a conincidence/bad luck that these 2 guys have been highly dysfunctional.
Therapy may be helpful to learn how to treat yourself better and learn new skills that will develop your inner "picker". Afterall, your child is going to learn how to let the world treat him, from you."
i understand those words fully. i was 15 at the time and the guy was 22. that should have been my first clue.
with this x, idk. him being an addict at all should have been a stop sign for me, i see that now. but hindsight is always 20/20.
there are lots of things that should have been clues. but addiction, abuse, i had not experienced those things before, thus was totally ignorant on what to look for or how they could possibly affect me.
now i know, and will do better next time. will i ever date any recovered addicts? no. how about guys with battery charges? no. two things i learned, that before hand never thought would affect me, that have in turn taught me the most important lessons in my life.
You can buy a used copy of this for about $1.95 on Amazon. Surely this is a small price to pay side-step drama and imposing on your dad."
thank you, lunch, for that insight. i did not see it that way. i thought by avoiding dealing with the situation myself, i was actually doing better.
but i suppose that i was wrong.
however, i still haven't spoken to the X in almost a month. so there is progress in that definitely. and the fact that i am actively trying to avoid contact is another sign that hey, i am finally getting it. the fantasy has passed and reality has made itself known to me. i have no hopes or prayers of a future with that person. i have let that go, and am at peace with the fact.
i was only, only, considering getting my granma her book back, and simply did not think about buying her a new one.
i do not own a credit card or have a bank account, so i will just go to a book store and buy her one.
"Last guy was abusive. This guy is an addict.
We codependents have a tendency to keep in doing what we have been doing and somehow expect a different outcome. In otherwords, it's not a conincidence/bad luck that these 2 guys have been highly dysfunctional.
Therapy may be helpful to learn how to treat yourself better and learn new skills that will develop your inner "picker". Afterall, your child is going to learn how to let the world treat him, from you."
i understand those words fully. i was 15 at the time and the guy was 22. that should have been my first clue.
with this x, idk. him being an addict at all should have been a stop sign for me, i see that now. but hindsight is always 20/20.
there are lots of things that should have been clues. but addiction, abuse, i had not experienced those things before, thus was totally ignorant on what to look for or how they could possibly affect me.
now i know, and will do better next time. will i ever date any recovered addicts? no. how about guys with battery charges? no. two things i learned, that before hand never thought would affect me, that have in turn taught me the most important lessons in my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
do you really have only critical advice to offer me lunch? i mean, no "good job on not talking to him for a month. have fun at your baby shower." ?
i appreciate the advice, really i do. but a little positive encouragement would be nice from you, too. otherwise it just feels like you're trying to tell me what i still need to work on, and not taking notice of what i have accomplished.
i appreciate the advice, really i do. but a little positive encouragement would be nice from you, too. otherwise it just feels like you're trying to tell me what i still need to work on, and not taking notice of what i have accomplished.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Oh lordy, Lizzaayy,
No criticism meant or implied...just offering up some alternatives for you to consider. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Having said this, I acknowledge that you are making clear what you need which means your recovery is showing. :ghug3
No criticism meant or implied...just offering up some alternatives for you to consider. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Having said this, I acknowledge that you are making clear what you need which means your recovery is showing. :ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
i believe that you gave me strong insight on the situation regarding my granma and her book. that was exactly what i needed to hear, and know.
thank you for that
and definitely, about the therapy. that is something i must look into, as well.
thank you for that, too.
again, i have this terrible feeling of seeking approval from others, even those that i do not know personally.
it's like, "Please tell me I'm doing the right thing, that I am not doing as bad as I feel." even though in my heart i know i am doing right, i often question myself, and base whether or not i'm doing what's best for me (and my son, now) on other people's opinions. it has been greatly magnified by my current situation. though i passed my test, gave up contact, and continue to prepare and provide for my baby, i still feel i am wrong on the inside.
so forgive my comments, it is more an issue with myself. and something i must change, or i will always feel like i'm seeking approval. when the approval lies within myself.
on a side note, my baby shower went wonderfully! i got so many great things! socks, diapers, bottles, a musical rocker, a baby bouncer, clothes, wipes, pacifiers, just sooo much stuff! and everyone was there: my aunt, her daughter (5), my granma, my best friend, my mom, xs aunt, my sister, and her best friend.
all that love and support, in one room. it was amazing.
my aunt, who is a hairstylist, gave me a $150 certificate for her salon to get a make over after the baby is born.
she told me that taking care of myself was important. i cried, and thanked her.
one of my cards read "welcome to the happy world of motherhood." with my aunt's daughter's signature inside. there again, the waterworks.
i cried a lot, actually. after everyone left i had to go into the bathroom and turn on the sink, so that i could compose myself some.
i don't know why everything evoked such emotion in me, though i know my tears were both happy and sad.
i'm a little drained, after setting all my gifts up (nesting)
definitely time for bed.
thank you for that
and definitely, about the therapy. that is something i must look into, as well.
thank you for that, too.
again, i have this terrible feeling of seeking approval from others, even those that i do not know personally.
it's like, "Please tell me I'm doing the right thing, that I am not doing as bad as I feel." even though in my heart i know i am doing right, i often question myself, and base whether or not i'm doing what's best for me (and my son, now) on other people's opinions. it has been greatly magnified by my current situation. though i passed my test, gave up contact, and continue to prepare and provide for my baby, i still feel i am wrong on the inside.
so forgive my comments, it is more an issue with myself. and something i must change, or i will always feel like i'm seeking approval. when the approval lies within myself.
on a side note, my baby shower went wonderfully! i got so many great things! socks, diapers, bottles, a musical rocker, a baby bouncer, clothes, wipes, pacifiers, just sooo much stuff! and everyone was there: my aunt, her daughter (5), my granma, my best friend, my mom, xs aunt, my sister, and her best friend.
all that love and support, in one room. it was amazing.
my aunt, who is a hairstylist, gave me a $150 certificate for her salon to get a make over after the baby is born.
she told me that taking care of myself was important. i cried, and thanked her.
one of my cards read "welcome to the happy world of motherhood." with my aunt's daughter's signature inside. there again, the waterworks.
i cried a lot, actually. after everyone left i had to go into the bathroom and turn on the sink, so that i could compose myself some.
i don't know why everything evoked such emotion in me, though i know my tears were both happy and sad.
i'm a little drained, after setting all my gifts up (nesting)
definitely time for bed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 12
lizzaayy, reading your posts. my heart goes out to you. i can relate almost verbatum except i had married my daughters dad...looking back he was never really there. loss off your dreams is a tough thing. to raise your son without his dad etc. i understand the sadness completely i am a single mom and never imagined this would be my reality but it is the best thing for you and your little man. he is a blessing in your life, he will be your rock. you will be strong because of him. after delivery be prepared, hormones are a crazy thing, make sure you are in tune to it, you could become more emotional. let your doctor know if you are more weepy than normal etc. focus on the two of you.
good luck with the little guy! he will be here soon!
good luck with the little guy! he will be here soon!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Lizzaay,
I think that little Jonah is one blessed little boy.
Take this time to focus on you, Lizzaay, and the upcoming arrival of the most wonderful thing you are ever gonna experience!
Rest, focus on you, and that sweet baby boy. Just about you two.
A musical rocker- how awesome!
I am so excited for you. what an emotional time for you, too.
I have been following your posts, and I think that your family must be so proud of you. If you were my daughter, I would be. I am glad for the peace in your life at this beautiful time.
hugs,
chicory
I think that little Jonah is one blessed little boy.
Take this time to focus on you, Lizzaay, and the upcoming arrival of the most wonderful thing you are ever gonna experience!
Rest, focus on you, and that sweet baby boy. Just about you two.
A musical rocker- how awesome!
I am so excited for you. what an emotional time for you, too.
I have been following your posts, and I think that your family must be so proud of you. If you were my daughter, I would be. I am glad for the peace in your life at this beautiful time.
hugs,
chicory
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
I think you are doing awesome. I wish I could do what you are doing with such determination and resolve (and you are waayyy younger than me, lol). I'm working on it though, in my own way.
So glad to hear you had a great shower. The salon card sounds wonderful! It is sooo hard to take care of yourself with a newborn. You will love it when the time comes!
Take care.
So glad to hear you had a great shower. The salon card sounds wonderful! It is sooo hard to take care of yourself with a newborn. You will love it when the time comes!
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Lizzaayy 
again, i have this terrible feeling of seeking approval from others, even those that i do not know personally.
it's like, "Please tell me I'm doing the right thing, that I am not doing as bad as I feel." ......
Would you be hurt if I told you that your blackened teeth make me sick?
I don't think so, given you do not have blackened teeth. Instead you would likely be inclined to think I am a whack job and you might be right.
My point is that what other people say only has power when it connects with how we feel about ourselves. How we feel about ourselves is what matters most and no one can make us feel bad without us making that connection and allowing it to happen.
There is a difference between seeking approval and asking others what they see that I do not and then use critical thinking skills ( trust me, those skills are still there, underneath the hormones of pregnancy) to evaluate new information.
Love,
Whack Job
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Lizzaayy)) - I STILL have a need, sometimes, to just hear "you're doing the right thing", even after working on my codie stuff for 3-1/2 years. I think even "normies" feel that way, sometimes.
I have some very dear friends (and they all happen to be people I've met on SR ), who I can count on to tell me exactly what they think...even if it's not what I want to hear. I also have some f2f (or phone-to-phone?) friends/family that are the same. Sometimes I want validation, and what I get is a little insight I'd never thought about.
I think it's GREAT that you were able to post to ((((OTL))) about needing to hear that you've done good. THAT is recovery...being able to ask for what you need, while still being able to appreciate the insight she's given you. FWIW, when she mentioned getting the book back stuff, I went "oh yeah!"...hadn't thought of that myself.
I remember, when I was really, really down on myself, didn't even want to get out of bed, and my dad begged me to call my aunt. I did, in tears, and told her I'd messed up my life, so bad, that it would NEVER get better again...that I was a horrible person.
She proceeded to point out that I'd done a LOT to get my life back on track, that I was still the same person I was before addiction, and that life really would get better. To this day, I am VERY close to her, and she's one of the first people I call with good, and bad, news. She tells me like it is, has unwavering love and support for me, and the times she's broke into tears, telling me how proud she is of me? Well, that is priceless.
Surround yourself with people who care and love you. They may not always tell you what you want to hear, but it will always be said with love and concern. That's why I love SR, so much. People here DO care, and I know that when someone posts on my thread, it's because they care.
Just so you know, (((Jonah's))) gonna have a LOT of SR "aunties"...that's just the way we are
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I have some very dear friends (and they all happen to be people I've met on SR
), who I can count on to tell me exactly what they think...even if it's not what I want to hear. I also have some f2f (or phone-to-phone?) friends/family that are the same. Sometimes I want validation, and what I get is a little insight I'd never thought about.I think it's GREAT that you were able to post to ((((OTL))) about needing to hear that you've done good. THAT is recovery...being able to ask for what you need, while still being able to appreciate the insight she's given you. FWIW, when she mentioned getting the book back stuff, I went "oh yeah!"...hadn't thought of that myself.
I remember, when I was really, really down on myself, didn't even want to get out of bed, and my dad begged me to call my aunt. I did, in tears, and told her I'd messed up my life, so bad, that it would NEVER get better again...that I was a horrible person.
She proceeded to point out that I'd done a LOT to get my life back on track, that I was still the same person I was before addiction, and that life really would get better. To this day, I am VERY close to her, and she's one of the first people I call with good, and bad, news. She tells me like it is, has unwavering love and support for me, and the times she's broke into tears, telling me how proud she is of me? Well, that is priceless.
Surround yourself with people who care and love you. They may not always tell you what you want to hear, but it will always be said with love and concern. That's why I love SR, so much. People here DO care, and I know that when someone posts on my thread, it's because they care.
Just so you know, (((Jonah's))) gonna have a LOT of SR "aunties"...that's just the way we are
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
thank you everyone for your love, care, and support.
just 17 days left to go. give or take of course, lol.
yesterday, i went through Jonah's new stuff some more. organized and unwrapped everything. he's got everything he needs. though there's still some stuff i need to buy:
baby photo album, baby's firsts book, halloween costume, and prolly some more things i'll think of later.
i'll probably end up with more than one photo album. i am going to be taking soo many pictures of him, lol.
my sister, who is 17 (2 years younger than i), got into an argument with me. it upset me greatly at first, though today i am over it. it was about the x and him not being allowed at the hospital. she said it was mean of me to do, especially because i intend on going through with child support.
she said ridiculous things like, "he probably won't drop the baby." and, "you might get him when he's sober."
and ended up calling me a B.
it bothered me immensely, that she really thought that way. she is supposed to be one of the people in the delivery room with me. my sister and i never get along, and it's because of things like this. she has ridiculous and often hypocritical opinions about serious issues.
i know i was right, that i am right in not allowing the x to be there. so why did i find it so damn disconcerting that i couldn't convince her of that?
i think i want her support too, especially since she's going to witness my son's birth. and now i feel like i don't have it, because she disagrees with me over a huge descision such as this.
on another note, today i am going to finally be putting everything together for my hospital bag. i am so excited. it's hard for me to determine what all i want to bring. i don't want to be encumbered by too many things. and most websites talk about bringing a bathrobe? and slippers? i'm only going to be there for a day, lol. i have medicaid.
i know chapstick is a must. my lips get dry anyway. and my call list. so i can tell everyone when the big day (or night. i've been thinking he's gonna be born during night time) arrives.
i've been feeling really relaxed lately. probably because of all this pxytocin my body is producing, haha.
just 17 days left to go. give or take of course, lol.
yesterday, i went through Jonah's new stuff some more. organized and unwrapped everything. he's got everything he needs. though there's still some stuff i need to buy:
baby photo album, baby's firsts book, halloween costume, and prolly some more things i'll think of later.
i'll probably end up with more than one photo album. i am going to be taking soo many pictures of him, lol.
my sister, who is 17 (2 years younger than i), got into an argument with me. it upset me greatly at first, though today i am over it. it was about the x and him not being allowed at the hospital. she said it was mean of me to do, especially because i intend on going through with child support.
she said ridiculous things like, "he probably won't drop the baby." and, "you might get him when he's sober."
and ended up calling me a B.
it bothered me immensely, that she really thought that way. she is supposed to be one of the people in the delivery room with me. my sister and i never get along, and it's because of things like this. she has ridiculous and often hypocritical opinions about serious issues.
i know i was right, that i am right in not allowing the x to be there. so why did i find it so damn disconcerting that i couldn't convince her of that?
i think i want her support too, especially since she's going to witness my son's birth. and now i feel like i don't have it, because she disagrees with me over a huge descision such as this.
on another note, today i am going to finally be putting everything together for my hospital bag. i am so excited. it's hard for me to determine what all i want to bring. i don't want to be encumbered by too many things. and most websites talk about bringing a bathrobe? and slippers? i'm only going to be there for a day, lol. i have medicaid.
i know chapstick is a must. my lips get dry anyway. and my call list. so i can tell everyone when the big day (or night. i've been thinking he's gonna be born during night time) arrives.
i've been feeling really relaxed lately. probably because of all this pxytocin my body is producing, haha.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Hi Lizzaayy. Get used to people questioning your parenting decisions and giving you advice on how to raise your child.... It's going to happen for the rest of your life. :-)
When people say things to me about my choices. I just smile and say thank you very graciously. And then I excuse myself from the room.
You can please some of the people all of the time, none of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
In the end, as long as you continue to make WISE choices based on the information you have available at the time, you will not have any regrets.
When people say things to me about my choices. I just smile and say thank you very graciously. And then I excuse myself from the room.
You can please some of the people all of the time, none of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
In the end, as long as you continue to make WISE choices based on the information you have available at the time, you will not have any regrets.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
thank you, kitty.
i know i am making the right descision, and that i am going to be a good mother to my child, protecting him for as long as i am able, and as long as he benefits from my protection.
all these mama bear instincts are kicking in like mad, haha.
i know i am making the right descision, and that i am going to be a good mother to my child, protecting him for as long as i am able, and as long as he benefits from my protection.
all these mama bear instincts are kicking in like mad, haha.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
so far, so good.
feeling a lot less anger/resentment lately. my days have been calm. i sleep well, i eat well. my son has all of the wonderful things he needs and i am pretty prepared for his arrival.
i bought my gramma another copy of her book. =)
life has been calm for me. i still talk to xbf's aunt. though, it is mostly about things baby related. she is such a good hearted person. my gut-feeling tells me she will be a good influence on my son. and my gut has been right about most things so far.
actually, i have been trusting my instincts a lot more lately, instead of allowing my emotions to affect my actions so much.
i feel myself grow emotionally every passing day. there are often times when i have those mental "aha!" moments.
today, i was thinking about lessons i've learned throughout all of this. i came upon many. but one of them in particular, i think, is most powerful.
before i became pregnant, i smoked pot and cigs for a number of years. i quit upon finding out i was pregnant, that very day, and have not picked up either since then. while i was with xbf and before his relapse, i often thought about how after i was done having the baby and breast feeding how i wanted to start back up smoking. i looked forward to it. that feeling changed when i experienced xbf's spiral downward.
now, things are different. i view sobriety in a whole new light. i know, in my heart and soul, that i never, ever want to smoke anything ever again. i am not even of legal drinking age, and i've already decided this. it is very dear to me, this vow of abstinence from drugs and alcohol. it has everything to do with my strong sense of responsibility to my son, though he is not yet born. he deserves a sober parent, one that is not dumbed down by marijuana or smelling like cig smoke.
i feel my Higher Power has given me this lesson. that He has filled me with much motivation to be a good, stable parent.
feeling a lot less anger/resentment lately. my days have been calm. i sleep well, i eat well. my son has all of the wonderful things he needs and i am pretty prepared for his arrival.
i bought my gramma another copy of her book. =)
life has been calm for me. i still talk to xbf's aunt. though, it is mostly about things baby related. she is such a good hearted person. my gut-feeling tells me she will be a good influence on my son. and my gut has been right about most things so far.
actually, i have been trusting my instincts a lot more lately, instead of allowing my emotions to affect my actions so much.
i feel myself grow emotionally every passing day. there are often times when i have those mental "aha!" moments.
today, i was thinking about lessons i've learned throughout all of this. i came upon many. but one of them in particular, i think, is most powerful.
before i became pregnant, i smoked pot and cigs for a number of years. i quit upon finding out i was pregnant, that very day, and have not picked up either since then. while i was with xbf and before his relapse, i often thought about how after i was done having the baby and breast feeding how i wanted to start back up smoking. i looked forward to it. that feeling changed when i experienced xbf's spiral downward.
now, things are different. i view sobriety in a whole new light. i know, in my heart and soul, that i never, ever want to smoke anything ever again. i am not even of legal drinking age, and i've already decided this. it is very dear to me, this vow of abstinence from drugs and alcohol. it has everything to do with my strong sense of responsibility to my son, though he is not yet born. he deserves a sober parent, one that is not dumbed down by marijuana or smelling like cig smoke.
i feel my Higher Power has given me this lesson. that He has filled me with much motivation to be a good, stable parent.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
I understand your xbf's aunt's desire and I think it is great that she wants to be involved. Your little guy will be her great nephew, and she obviously wants to know him. You are continuing to do so well, that is awesome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
so by this weekend, i should have a beautiful baby boy in my arms!!!
it has been a long journey, and i am most happy that my pregnancy is almost over and i can have myself back again, and put all my efforts/emotions into my baby's care.
xbf moved out of his mom's and is back living with his aunt as of a week and 2 days ago, the night of my last post. he is not doing drugs, has gotten medicaid and his Rx for suboxone, and is seeing the drug abuse psychologist that prescribed him suboxone. he is also saying a lot of nice things (pff, they all do), but also DOING things, and that is what i'm looking at. the actions. i have spent a couple days seeing him and spending time, which was nice, because he was behaving very sweet towards me and the baby (rubbing my belly and talking to him). it is like a switch was flipped in his brain and he is a different person. i am guarded, and not emotionally attached to him and what he does any longer. if something does happen, bad or good, i have my place here, with my mom and dad, and a whole net of support from my friends and family. i have a baby to look after and be responsible for, and that is foremost in my mind.
it is nice that he is no longer in active addiction, and therapy seems to be helping him sort through his issues. he generally seems happier, and spends a great deal of time with his aunt, his uncle, and his little sister. they went boating, and we all went out to dinner last night. is was pleasant, comfortable feeling. my gut is telling me that for now, things are good. i am supported by all, still, in my descision to have him pass a drug test if he wishes to be at the hospital during delivery.
no stress or worries, and i'm all prepared for baby to arrive. been feeling a lot of love from my family and friends lately, and my Higher Power.
it has been a long journey, and i am most happy that my pregnancy is almost over and i can have myself back again, and put all my efforts/emotions into my baby's care.
xbf moved out of his mom's and is back living with his aunt as of a week and 2 days ago, the night of my last post. he is not doing drugs, has gotten medicaid and his Rx for suboxone, and is seeing the drug abuse psychologist that prescribed him suboxone. he is also saying a lot of nice things (pff, they all do), but also DOING things, and that is what i'm looking at. the actions. i have spent a couple days seeing him and spending time, which was nice, because he was behaving very sweet towards me and the baby (rubbing my belly and talking to him). it is like a switch was flipped in his brain and he is a different person. i am guarded, and not emotionally attached to him and what he does any longer. if something does happen, bad or good, i have my place here, with my mom and dad, and a whole net of support from my friends and family. i have a baby to look after and be responsible for, and that is foremost in my mind.
it is nice that he is no longer in active addiction, and therapy seems to be helping him sort through his issues. he generally seems happier, and spends a great deal of time with his aunt, his uncle, and his little sister. they went boating, and we all went out to dinner last night. is was pleasant, comfortable feeling. my gut is telling me that for now, things are good. i am supported by all, still, in my descision to have him pass a drug test if he wishes to be at the hospital during delivery.
no stress or worries, and i'm all prepared for baby to arrive. been feeling a lot of love from my family and friends lately, and my Higher Power.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: saint petersburg, fl
Posts: 119
things are still going well. the baby has not moved as much today and i have been feeling really tired! so, maybe he will come around this weekend! i have been 1cm since last week, and was the same at my appointment yesterday.
i'm going to be doing some walking around tomorrow, see if i can jump start things.
i am scheduled for induction on thursday, if he does not come around before then. they don't want to wait too long because i am a small person in general, so the sooner, the less chances for complications. my doctor says i should still have a normal delivery, no c-section or anything.
i am so excited!! i have my hospital bags all packed, my camera ready to go, my photo albums and baby books all set for when he arrives. there are gonna be a lot of pictures posted of him =)
xbf is still doing well, we spend some time together, normally 1 or 2 hours every night with my family at my house. during the day, he's moving his stuff into his own place and dealing with his court business, making phone calls to his bondsman, see his therapist, keeping track of those things.
it's good, he is taking care of his own business, and at the same time helping out on my end. he got a ton of clothes and stuff for the baby. he acts so different. and this is what gets me, the actions. how long will this last? how long will he show me he has changed, until one day, things come crashing down again? i hate that possibility, and i so want something that is more stable. something i don't have to doubt.
i am not expecting much. i am enjoying things while they are nice, for as long as they stay that way.
i'm going to be doing some walking around tomorrow, see if i can jump start things.
i am scheduled for induction on thursday, if he does not come around before then. they don't want to wait too long because i am a small person in general, so the sooner, the less chances for complications. my doctor says i should still have a normal delivery, no c-section or anything.
i am so excited!! i have my hospital bags all packed, my camera ready to go, my photo albums and baby books all set for when he arrives. there are gonna be a lot of pictures posted of him =)
xbf is still doing well, we spend some time together, normally 1 or 2 hours every night with my family at my house. during the day, he's moving his stuff into his own place and dealing with his court business, making phone calls to his bondsman, see his therapist, keeping track of those things.
it's good, he is taking care of his own business, and at the same time helping out on my end. he got a ton of clothes and stuff for the baby. he acts so different. and this is what gets me, the actions. how long will this last? how long will he show me he has changed, until one day, things come crashing down again? i hate that possibility, and i so want something that is more stable. something i don't have to doubt.
i am not expecting much. i am enjoying things while they are nice, for as long as they stay that way.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
