detatching with love
 

what is the difference between detatching and detatching with love?

to me:detatching is love is being able to wish the person well, but let them go, live their own life without being enmeshed and obsessed. Detaching can be with possible bad feelings, but still letting the person go

detaching to me was also to let go and let him live the life he chose 9 months ago by leaving, it was a struggle for me for a long time. I have since stopped reacting to our situation. however, we had alot
of bad behavior between the two of us over this and I have made amends
to him as to why I behaved badly, he fully understood it was the drug and things he did . I pray for him and wish him the best as I truly love him,but I had to let go in order for myself to find serenity. nothing was going to change things if I didnt change myself and I finally did that by detaching from addiction with love finally. I have run into him and visited him in the hospital but my behavior is totally different than when he left, I show my concern but I dont get overwhelmed or try to control US anymore ,but I will be there for him if he ever needs support with his addiction and medical problems, but again, I had to step back (took time)and let go that truly was the difficult part of detaching and that took time. I didnt say anything to him per say, I just slowly detached..

For me it meant that I came to the realization that if he uses again, I can and will make it on my own (he's been in recovery for 2 years now). It means that I'm mentally OK with it and I am at peace with it.

It means that I will always love him, but I will not allow the drug back in my house or near my child.

It means that my happiness will always (I repeat ALWAYS) trump his addiction and all the power it has over ME.

It means I cannot control him in any way, shape or form.

We have boundaries in place now (that he has adhered to). But, before we finally made it over the non-usage "hump," it meant that I had to stop obsessing and stop trying to do everything for him.

It means that if he does slip up again (and doesn't get back on the wagon) that I will live separately from him, will continue to love him (always) but will move on with MY life and what makes me--and our child--happy and healthy.

It doesn't mean I stop caring or I stop thinking about him. If anyone knows how to work that one out, they could bottle it and sell it for millions. It just means you start putting yourself first and you let them sort it out and stick to those boundaries.

The boundaries may seem to exist to communicate to an addict what's acceptable behavior. In my case, the boundaries are there for MY OWN sanity and what I will or will not allow in my life.

I'm worth it, ya know? I deserve happiness, tranquility and a peace of mind. So do you.