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Feeling better today but not for good reasons

Old 09-17-2010, 09:45 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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One other thing I'd like to mention. My AH LOVES his kids. We have two young children and he adores them. I have wrestled and wrestled this one too. The first time I mentioned a couple of months ago to my son that we might be splitting up he instantly got HUGE crocodile tears. He wants so badly what I want, for mommy and daddy to be together, happy. But it is not possible right now and he is too young to understand. I want my kids to grow up in an alcohol and drug free home. Only I can make that happen right now. This is truly one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I hate everything about it, and I don't want to do it. But I feel I have no choice right now...this life is not fair to them. I know you understand this stuff...just wanted you to know you are not alone in this type of situation.
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Old 09-18-2010, 07:54 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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By removing your daughter from this situation you are protecting her , not taking anything away. No one was saying that she should never see her father, but it sounds like perhaps there should be some supervision at this point. I know you probably don't want to hear it, and it may not apply in your case, but if there are threats being made, items being thrown, people being pushed or prevented from calling for help, etc. that is child abuse in CA. Failing to remove a child from an abusive home has had many mothers arrested in our county..often it is the wake up call they need.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:22 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I want help out of it.
What kind of help do you need to get out of it? Seriously. Thinking in terms of the specific actions necessary to make a change, instead of focusing on the emotional aspect of a situation helps us get clarity and move forward.

Do you have a list of what you need to do?

PS. I'm not judging you. I just feel bad that your baby has no choice but to be hurt emotionally by the situation. Obviously you are not doing it on purpose to her. It's clear to me that you need help as much as she does. I'm glad you are reaching out. And I hope that you figure out how to make the changes you so desperately want so you can have the life you deserve. And your daughter too.

For me, I had to make safety and sanity my Number One priority. My Number Two priority was my son's relationship with his father.

It still is. But I will not allow anyone who uses drugs and is abusive to me to be around my son. Even if it's his father.

It's easy to make a child. But it's a HUGE RESPONSIBILITY to be a good father.
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Old 09-18-2010, 04:35 PM
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This is a response to hello kitty, keepinion, angelstory and cynical one-

My Bf has not threatened to hurt me if I chose to leave, and has never hit me, he has punched holes in the wall when he is angry but never hit me. I am not afraid that he would hurt me and I never have.

I need help with my head.(if that makes any sense) I need help to be strong enough to leave him. Like I was saying my heart wants to stay with him but my head is telling me to leave because money is always missing we are always arguing about it and arguing about the fact that he is "gone" all the time and arguing about the fact that he doesnt have a job. I feel that now my household has a lot of tension and the rope can litterally snap at any time and we'll start arguing, he is not doing anything to help my daughter and my self except for watch her while im working and then leave when I get home. I feel like the life I am living is completely pointelss.


My bf loves his daughter too and she always gets so excited to see him and have him hug her and play with her, I just cant and dont want to be in a relationship with him anymore because I cannot handle the pain I feel everytime he walks out the door, or the pain I feel knowing my money has been stolen by someone that I am supposed to love so much. I am also sick of arguing, when we are havin a agood time together and happy it is the best feeling in the world and those sparatic periods are whats holding me back.

I obviously do not want my daughter to grow up hearing us argue because I was in that position when I was little and it hurts really bad.

I received a very upsetting private message from a lady threatening to report all of my posts to child services and she hopes that I get my daughter taken away. When I came to this site thinking that I could "somewhat anonymously" let all my feelings out and get some true help and advice from people that understand my situation.

I do not believe my daughter is any danger of getting hurt physically but I am concerned about her hearing arguing all the time because I remember what it is like.

I wanted to thank everyone that has really looked into my posts and have shown empathy and given truly helpful responses, and yes I am going to hear some things I dont like, but I would have hoped that it wouldnt have gone to that extent.
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Old 09-18-2010, 05:20 PM
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At this sight we speak from experience, we share our experience and our strength. Weird about the lady threatening to report yourposts to child services... I've never heard of that happening before. Ever. Unless it was a set-up by a meth-head or a crack-head boyfriend. Be careful sweetie.

Abuse isn't always physical... it can be verbal. And most experts would consider putting holes in walls as a form of intimidation - which is abuse. My ex didn't hit me (except once...) but his drug induced disapearances and his lies and our crazy fights - those things made me doubt my sanity. It was definitely an unhealthy environment. Eventually, after talking to people, after thinking about it for a long time, I realized that I didn't have to put up with that kind of behavior. I decided I deserved better. I decided my son deserved better. I decided that he wasn't treating me with human dignity and that was abusive. And we had great times together - otherwise I never would have stayed as long as I did... and my son loves his father. God he misses him. But I have no doubt that my choice to protect my son from his irrational behavior, disapearances and drug addiction is the right choice.

You sound like a smart girl and I'm sure that you do the best you know how to do for you and your daughter. Good luck with the job interview. At least then you'll have more money and maybe that will lessen the stress you feel. Definitely put some of it away for that rainy day. You never know when you will need it.
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Old 09-18-2010, 05:39 PM
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Threatening PMs can be reported to the mods. No one has the right to harass you here.
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:22 PM
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Those types of PMs should be reported to the moderators. No one has a right to say those things to you. The majority of the people here are helpful and kind. I'm sorry someone felt they had the right to say that.
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:35 PM
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I wouldnt even know how to go about doing that. I put that person on my ignore list because honestly I just dont want to hear anything she has to say now.

It hurt me to, but every one was telling me I will hear things that I am not going to want to hear but I hope I can learn to just listen, take what I want from it and move on.
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Old 09-18-2010, 06:53 PM
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Oh yes I completely agree and I told her that you are entitiled to your opinion but I dont want to hear your threats. When he was using and when I knew he was using my mom or his mom would take the baby while I was at work because I didnt trust that he could resist smoking meth for a whole eight hours and that he would do it around the baby so I sent her to her either one of grandma's house. After a few weeks of him being sober he started watching her again while I was working.

I was hoping that he would have had a job by now so that we would both be working and then both be home with her, but plans arent always gauranteed with an addict in recovery.
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Old 09-18-2010, 07:38 PM
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I'm not about to judge you in regard to the pot. I'm one of those people who doesn't consider it a "drug" (up there with the big, baddies). I know some may disagree, but to each their own. I guess when you see what meth, coke and other hardcore drugs can do, you kind of chuckle in the face of marijuana.

But, as to the topic. Let's say he wasn't using and you were fighting like that? Would you consider that acceptable. If your answer is no, then why is it ok for him to do this while he's ON meth?

This is the kind of drama that is good to separate yourself from. My husband is a recovering meth addict and there were times I left to stay with my mom just to get away from the chaos. For me, the uncontrollable crying came from a source of sheer, unabashed hopelessness, as though if I cried hard enough, got upset enough, he would somehow (psychically) feel it and realizing what a monster he'd become.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Meth turns normal people into such raging, out of control beings. It's like Jekyll and Hyde.

Stay safe.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:12 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Perhaps the mystery PM’er has some firsthand knowledge of how volatile a meth user can become in the blink of an eye.

so what if they have this firsthand knowledge? i don't see why that would make a difference at all.
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Old 09-18-2010, 09:45 PM
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I didn't see much first-hand knowledge given in that PM. It was all threats and insults. Again, such PMs should be reported to the moderators. No one has the right to harass another member through PMs.
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Old 09-18-2010, 10:05 PM
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Well I understand what cynicalone is saying and believe that you have a valid point and have every right to feel that way, I still do not find it neccessary that she become so involved that she said that to me.

I am not saying that my bf would never hit me(because anything can happen out of my control) but he hasnt and would want to keep it that way. Which is why I came to this site for advice. And though he is in recovery the verbal arguments hurts me just as bad as anything and I needed help to get my head straight...what you all are kindly doing.
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Old 09-18-2010, 11:34 PM
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PMs that you believe break the rules here can and I believe should be reported.

Press the little on the PM involved.

I'm removing a post so the relevant mods here can look at it.

Thanks
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Old 09-19-2010, 04:36 AM
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I think it is time to at least temporarily close this thread, the original poster has received lots of support and suggestions and the topic has now changed to PM reporting.

Let's all cool down and remember what it was like to be in crisis and need support here and then we can all come back with cooler heads, ready to ask for support or give it, the purpose of this forum.

Thank you all for understanding.

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