texrican

Is there a guidebook to the whole "no contact" stance when you have children with the addict? Here's the sit, via txt msg:

Him: Whatever my daughter needs u let me know
Me: k
Him: Everything ok?
Me: your daughter is fine
Him: and u?

now what? My instinct is to tell him that is no longer his concern... but the conversation is no longer about our daughter. Do I just ignore it?

suggestions?

Seren

Perhaps...."all future contact will be about our daughter only" or maybe just keep responding with "your daughter is fine" each time he asks about you.....

Good luck! Stay strong! Hugs, HG

gardner

I would simply not respond to the last question. It is not pertinent to your daughter and he doesn't need an explanation because eventually he will recognize that you won't respond to these questions and he will stop asking them. You needed explain. That just gives him more contact. When he asks another question pertinent to your daughter, answer and move on.

texrican

Thank u for your input...and thanks to CynicalOne who dug up an old post with the no contact rules. I have to modify it a bit since we have a child together, but I definitely have some sort of guide to go by.

In my research for some guidance, I read that it is best to make sure the other person knows you want no contact in order to diminish the number of times the person tries to communicate with you. Since I had not done that, I decided to reply to his txt... this is how it played out
Me: "My wellbeing is no longer your concern, as you have so painfully demonstrated. Do not call/txt unless it's about the baby"
Him: "I will give u some money, but just remember who's choice this was"
Me: NOTHING... crickets... had to turn off the phone and hide it under the bed for a while, just to be safe from replying... kinda like the count to ten rule in the no contact guide!

Looking back at it, I probably should not have put the "painful" bit on there. Ugh! Well, at least I didn't let him draw me into a conversation/argument.

outtolunch

Silence is golden.

Child support is not an option. He does not get to play big man by offering money. That why they invented court -ordered child support.

wow1323

Protect your children.

fourmaggie

again....I hate when kids are involved....

dollydo

You are thinking it all through, this is good. Me, for some reason I like the email way, I feel like it is less triggering than texting or talking on the phone.

I would keep all communication to a minimum, and, yes, child support is not an option, let the court system handle him for you.

Keep posting, we are here for you.

texrican

Right. Child support is not an option and I have already filed. It will probably be 6 weeks before we go to a mediator from the Attorney General's Office.

If it wasn't for the money it takes to get lawyers involved, I would go the your ppl talk to my ppl route, but that's not feasible right now. I really don't have a problem with talking to him, but I'm tired of the BS and empty promises so that's why I decided to go the "limited contact" route. It's working fine thus far. He called today to see how the baby was and when he could come see her. I told him. Then he tried to ask how I am doing, how my other two children are doing. I just told him that was no longer his concern and if we were done talking about the baby then I had nothing left to say and hung up the phone. He immediatly sent me a txt telling me that he was sorry things had to be this way...blah...blah...blah. I never replied.

Yes, silence IS golden!!! I'm amazed at how I've been able to control the impulse of calling him.