chicory

are plaguing me. ever since i told son that he must leave soon.
We dont talk much. I feel sad about that, but it's as if we both know that we should not even try to discuss things.
I have been so irritable at work, and ready to break, for some reason. For the past several years, i have been consumed with trying to help him, and now that i am detaching, things are really weird.
I bought Codependent No More, and am reading it. I read it 20 years ago. maybe more. but i am getting a whole new set of lessons this time.

I thought I'd be feeling better, but I am feeling like a caged lion, with pms. lately.

I find that I am not able to focus on work either. Am also worried cause my preemie grandson is not crawling yet- he was two months early, and is technically onlly 10 months old, and I am trying to stop WORRYING!, I tell myself that worry does not change anything, and that grandbaby is smart, and will catch up, but I am getting physically sick about it.
how dumb is this? I think I am getting an ulcer.

I also apologize, for any codie behaviour and/or answers to any questions that I meant to be helping with. I will try to be responsible as I learn new , healthier ways of thinking.

I just hate feeling this irritation. I literally felt flushed today, when i was having a hard time with a new computer program at work. hot flashes are a thing of the past, so i dont think it could be hormones.

Thanks for listening. Just needed to put this into words, hoping that I can maybe understand it.

chicory

wicked

chicory,

i understand the irritation. waiting for your son to leave, worry over your grandson and new computer programs all add up to stress. the flushing you feel could just be that adrenaline or cortisol telling you that you are on overload.
if at all possible, try to find some quiet moments for yourself and just be peaceful.

go easy on yourself, you are learning a whole new skillset. you will get it, don't force it.
you have the heart and are willing. you have the strength.

beth

laurie6781

I have to agree with Wicked.

You are undergoing some great changes in psyche and way of thinking and of course you are going to be irritated. This irritation will include anger (possibly at yourself for not being able to 'fix' your son and fear (that by telling him to leave the house that some unforeseen danger will befall him while 'out there' living on the streets).

Believe it or not this is 'normal' (whatever 'normal' is) for us, lol Hang in there, this will pass. You did good posting here. Do so whenever you need to or want to.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

chicory

Beth, and Laurie,
Thank you for your encouragement. This is something very different from my normal "feelings", that is for certain. Checking my every thought and reaction for codependency is much more of a job than i thought . In my work, which is retail, in an economically depressed area, there is a lot of dysfunction, which i am working hard not to react to. Then trying not to add my own, while under stress- whew.

I just keep reading, and praying. Thankful for this site.
hugs
chicory

Wisher

Chicory,
I know exactly what you mean. I do so well with my detachment for a while and then suddenly I will be hit with anxiety and/or irritation. I just try to remember what Joyce Meyer says, which is "we can't control our feelings but we can control what we do about them". This too shall pass. God Bless.

tam

chicory, I too agree with others. please know your feelings and reactions are all normal and dont be so hard on yourself. take it one day at a time. I still have these feelings, but they arent so overwhelming as they were 9 months ago. just this morning I got very angry and inpatient with the checkout line food shopping. I told myself, breath,breath..calm down, it will be okay. I often would think what do people think of me with the things I was doing and saying at work and in the public, but I have learned from this forum, it was all normal reactions with dealing with addiction with our loved ones. Have you talked to a therapist? I finally did and it does give me some relief and guidance on how to handle my anxiety and anger. but it truly was this forum that helped me the most, just keep posting and reading on here as the knowledge and support truly is a life saver..also, try to keep busy, give time to yourself even if its something small..hugs!

chicory

I just cant seem to quit crying too, any time I shut a door and am alone.
I just talked to my son, for we hadnt really spoken in days.
he looks so skinny, he stays up on computer all night, and just looks sad and lost.
he is not drinking or doing drugs, no money for that, and never leaves the house.
i was reading about suicide, and thought i'd feel him out, since he is so quiet and since i told him that he has to be out the first of the month.
he and i just cant talk. he thinks i need help, and that he is doing all he can. no jobs. etc. he said that he calls places, instead of riding a bike there, not to waste time.

small town, not much here. i am telling him about a shelter near by, which could help him, and i thing that it is near enough to resources to give him an opportunity that he does not have here.
i told him that as long as he is comfortable (he laughed saying he is depressed and miserable here), that he would not try as hard as he needs to.
i told him to pretend i am dead- what would he do if i was? would he survive. he says, yes, of course.
he is proud . he has been dealing with the medical bills after his sinus surgery. they told us he qualifiedfor total financial aid, but are sending him bills. at least he is dealing with it, instead of throwing them away unread. he needs to figure out what to do about that, and i have been hands off- tho i could probably take care of that problem pretty quickly.
i am so full of tears that i think i will not be able to ever be happy again. i feel such sadness, that it is overwhelming me. it's not the end of the world, and i am so at a looss of what to say to him, in fear of enabling, or getting drawn back into his denial arguments..

i just reminded him, of the first of the month deadline, it hurts so much to do that. especially when he is not drinking, or drugging. just being depressed and not trying hard to find a job. he is worried about computer access, too. i know that. he has friends, and probably lots of fun stuff , but it is not making him happy. he is very sad, and lost. i hope that this is going to help. but it seems like a no win situation, to me.

i am so sad today.i just feel like giving up, and i know that is not how i should be feeling. i wish i could get some strength from this codependent no more book.

what the heck is wrong with me!?!
chicory

barb dwyer

There is such a thing as a situational depression.

Far different than a chemical or even a habitual depression.

It's a kind of grieving, it reads to me like.

I think so far what you're describing sounds 'natural'.

You're probably helping people who just can't being themselves to log on here.

Lurkers.

Just by talking about what you're feeling and how you're trying tro get
this into your head and life -

you never know who it is... that what you write ... helps.