elderly substance abuse
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elderly substance abuse
I am going through major issues with my 67 yo mom and benzo/pain meds and ambien. Usually post on newcomers thread as I am 12 days sober, but in new territory when it comes to elderly substance abuse and presciption abuse. I copied my post to the new to sobriety thread in hopes someone else may have some insight.
OMG mom is being a real pistol tonight. She is just beligerant, it is going to be a long weekend for me. Gonna copy and paste to friends and family section for advice. The closer she gets to going to detox, the more defensive and argumenative she gets. Anyone with experience with Benzo/Klonopin withdrawal??
OMG mom is being a real pistol tonight. She is just beligerant, it is going to be a long weekend for me. Gonna copy and paste to friends and family section for advice. The closer she gets to going to detox, the more defensive and argumenative she gets. Anyone with experience with Benzo/Klonopin withdrawal??
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I can tell you from personal experience it is very unpleasant. If she has been on them long-term she needs to see a doc and be weaned off slowly. Stopping suddenly can be very dangerous.
((hugs))
Jen
((hugs))
Jen
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Thanks, I have bed open for her at a detox monday. She is just being argumentative about it, but I know in my heart she needs to be there. She has too many health issues to detox without medical attention
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My 69 year old Mother is in a similar situation.
Ambien, Oxy's & Alcohol.
It's not easy watching your mother go through this. I feel what you are going through.
I'm working through this myself, with the help of SR. Just wanted to extend myself to you. I know the only thing I can do is just love her as her daughter...the choices she makes are her own.
You and your Mom are in my thoughts, and I hope she has a safe and successful detox. I pray that she continues with a program for herself after wards...as that is in her hands to decide.
Congratulations on your 12 days. Keep working on you, and please stay here with us in F&F. There are so many amazing people here that have helped me...just as they will for you too.
Ambien, Oxy's & Alcohol.
It's not easy watching your mother go through this. I feel what you are going through.
I'm working through this myself, with the help of SR. Just wanted to extend myself to you. I know the only thing I can do is just love her as her daughter...the choices she makes are her own.
You and your Mom are in my thoughts, and I hope she has a safe and successful detox. I pray that she continues with a program for herself after wards...as that is in her hands to decide.
Congratulations on your 12 days. Keep working on you, and please stay here with us in F&F. There are so many amazing people here that have helped me...just as they will for you too.
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Thanks Sofacat, problem is that her choices are now potentially dangerous for others as she is dizzy and a danger in the car and at her job. I will keep posting as it is helping me deal with all this sober, but it is hard to not be angry with her. Had to go through this with dad too and his drinking.
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Originally Posted by Mel8899 
Thanks Sofacat, problem is that her choices are now potentially dangerous for others as she is dizzy and a danger in the car and at her job. I will keep posting as it is helping me deal with all this sober, but it is hard to not be angry with her. Had to go through this with dad too and his drinking.
In terms of substance abuse, elderly dependency on prescription drugs is epidemic. In fact, there are now several programs that specifically treat only those 55 or older. You'd not believe how often Aunt Mary fell down and broke her hip because she was wacked out on benzos,, or oxycontin, etc.
Benzo detox is one of the worst...and longest. Don't be surprised if she needs to be inpatient for up to three weeks, depending on how long and how much she's been using.
FYI....The Hanley program in West Palm Beach, FL, has probably the best older adult substance abuse program in the country.
blessings
zenbear
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Thanks Zbear, we are lucky that she has not broken a hip. We found a place in Miami called summer house that does nothing but detox and are very experienced with benzos. They are planning on 18 days right now, but we will take it one step at a time. I am familiar with Hanley, we went through this 5 years ago with my dad collapsing from his drinking. It was very expensive though and as it is we are having to come up with about $5000.
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Hi Mel...
Yes, my Dad had a drinking problem too. Now, My Mom is sleep walking, has fallen down and busted her face open a few times, and admitted to my ex that she passes out on the floor sometimes.
I'm at my wits end....and the youngest of 7 kids. The rest of my siblings are kind of just waiting for it to "go away". I've had family meetings in the past, but it's impossible to get everyone on the same page. Until that day, she will go to the "kid" that is buying into her stories when the time comes. It's frustrating as he!!.
I no longer give her money, or enable her in any way...I get so mad sometimes, but when I do...I come here and read, and try to remember she is battling an illness and is very depressed. I stay away from her when she gets in her "moods". I will spend time with her when she's not miss cranky...but that isn't a lot anymore these days.
I do get it. I just separated from my ex 8 months ago after a 10 year battle with oxy's. SO to have the two of them in my proximity was a bit overwhelming.
I'm just happy to hear your Mom's going into a detox facility. That's a step.
Day at a time.
Yes, my Dad had a drinking problem too. Now, My Mom is sleep walking, has fallen down and busted her face open a few times, and admitted to my ex that she passes out on the floor sometimes.
I'm at my wits end....and the youngest of 7 kids. The rest of my siblings are kind of just waiting for it to "go away". I've had family meetings in the past, but it's impossible to get everyone on the same page. Until that day, she will go to the "kid" that is buying into her stories when the time comes. It's frustrating as he!!.
I no longer give her money, or enable her in any way...I get so mad sometimes, but when I do...I come here and read, and try to remember she is battling an illness and is very depressed. I stay away from her when she gets in her "moods". I will spend time with her when she's not miss cranky...but that isn't a lot anymore these days.
I do get it. I just separated from my ex 8 months ago after a 10 year battle with oxy's. SO to have the two of them in my proximity was a bit overwhelming.
I'm just happy to hear your Mom's going into a detox facility. That's a step.
Day at a time.
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Wow. we could be twins. I am the single one with no kids so I am the one everyone leans on to take care of things since they think I have nothing but time on my hands. 4 kids in my family.
This got more complicated today because my brother's father in law went into the hopsital Thurs for an infection and had a massive stroke last night. It was one of those really strange things where the infection spread quickly and went into the blood stream and heart and a massive blood clot went to his brain. He is on life support, but has no brain activity. It was very sudden and we have decided to keep it from my mother because she will refuse to go to detox Monday if she knows.
It is not that there was a close relationship, but my sister in law and her family have lived in the same city our whole lives. Her father was a high school guidance counselor at our high school when we were growing up. Her mother is a nurse and has helped our family out a lot over the years. There is a 35 year history with this family and of course my nephew is only 10 and he is going to be devastated. My mother will refuse to miss the funeral and help them out if she knows what happened. It sucks and she will be furious when she finds out, but I need to get my mother taken care of. Once I get her to this place Monday, I will step up and do whatever I need to for my sister in law and her family.
This got more complicated today because my brother's father in law went into the hopsital Thurs for an infection and had a massive stroke last night. It was one of those really strange things where the infection spread quickly and went into the blood stream and heart and a massive blood clot went to his brain. He is on life support, but has no brain activity. It was very sudden and we have decided to keep it from my mother because she will refuse to go to detox Monday if she knows.
It is not that there was a close relationship, but my sister in law and her family have lived in the same city our whole lives. Her father was a high school guidance counselor at our high school when we were growing up. Her mother is a nurse and has helped our family out a lot over the years. There is a 35 year history with this family and of course my nephew is only 10 and he is going to be devastated. My mother will refuse to miss the funeral and help them out if she knows what happened. It sucks and she will be furious when she finds out, but I need to get my mother taken care of. Once I get her to this place Monday, I will step up and do whatever I need to for my sister in law and her family.
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I'm sorry to hear about your brother's father in law. I do understand why you aren't telling your Mom... and you're absolutely right about her using it as an "out".
May I recommend the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie?
Reading that book has really helped me see myself in my own cracked mirror.
Growing up with alcoholic parents, we come by our codependency honestly.
PS> I don't have kids either!!! We are twins!!!!
Tell me you're a Pisces and I'll fall over!
May I recommend the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie?
Reading that book has really helped me see myself in my own cracked mirror.
Growing up with alcoholic parents, we come by our codependency honestly.
PS> I don't have kids either!!! We are twins!!!!
Tell me you're a Pisces and I'll fall over! Member
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Nope, sorry I'm a cancer. Will check out the book, thanks. I love to read and have a library of books on addiction and codependency.
So tired, but hanging in. Time to get some sleep. Will keep reading and posting, all the support is so helpful!
So tired, but hanging in. Time to get some sleep. Will keep reading and posting, all the support is so helpful!
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Originally Posted by Mel8899
Thanks Zbear, we are lucky that she has not broken a hip. We found a place in Miami called summer house that does nothing but detox and are very experienced with benzos. They are planning on 18 days right now, but we will take it one step at a time. I am familiar with Hanley, we went through this 5 years ago with my dad collapsing from his drinking. It was very expensive though and as it is we are having to come up with about $5000.
Best of luck.
blessings
zenbear
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zbear, we have not thought that far ahead, my mother is difficult to deal with and I do not know if we will be able to get her into rehab. I am looking into individual addiction/geriatric psychiatrists. The staff at summerhouse told us they will work with us as well for aftercare.
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Does your mother feel she has a problem? Has she admitted this to you and others, and knows she needs help?
My Mother has not. And until she reaches out for help, and wants to be clean...there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change this. She has to want it for herself.
In F&F it all goes back to the First Step as well. We are powerless.
I have watched my father, my mother, my friends & the love of my life hurt themselves from their drug & alcohol addiction. I have spent a lifetime trying to help, change, comfort, coerce, beg, & control them. All believing that I had their best interest at heart... and thought I was helping. I thought I could handle it...and I thought with my love and support, they would get sober.
I know now the amount of enabling I have contributed to the illness.
We here remind ourselves of the 3 C's:
I can't control it
I didn't cause it
and I can't cure it
It is not easy watching someone you love hurt themselves. You mentioned that you are sober 12 days (2 days ago). No one could get you to the place where you wanted a clean, healthy, sober, better place for yourself in life but you. You had to reach your own bottom to get here.
The same applies for our Mothers. All I can do is pray that she finds her way out. All I can do is just love her as a daughter.
But boundaries had to be made.
I posted last week "and now, my mother
"...
You may want to read that thread as well.
I had to remind myself to get out of her way, and I needed the support from my friends here at SR to help put Me back on a healthy track.
Keep working on you.
My Mother has not. And until she reaches out for help, and wants to be clean...there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change this. She has to want it for herself.
In F&F it all goes back to the First Step as well. We are powerless.
I have watched my father, my mother, my friends & the love of my life hurt themselves from their drug & alcohol addiction. I have spent a lifetime trying to help, change, comfort, coerce, beg, & control them. All believing that I had their best interest at heart... and thought I was helping. I thought I could handle it...and I thought with my love and support, they would get sober.
I know now the amount of enabling I have contributed to the illness.
We here remind ourselves of the 3 C's:
I can't control it
I didn't cause it
and I can't cure it
It is not easy watching someone you love hurt themselves. You mentioned that you are sober 12 days (2 days ago). No one could get you to the place where you wanted a clean, healthy, sober, better place for yourself in life but you. You had to reach your own bottom to get here.
The same applies for our Mothers. All I can do is pray that she finds her way out. All I can do is just love her as a daughter.
But boundaries had to be made.
I posted last week "and now, my mother
"... You may want to read that thread as well.
I had to remind myself to get out of her way, and I needed the support from my friends here at SR to help put Me back on a healthy track.
Keep working on you.
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My mother is not fighting on going to detox, but as for realizing she has a problem and rehab, she does not view RX drugs in the same light as say alcohol or Heroin. My mother is like a child and relies on me and my sister to do everything for her, so we are not giving her a choice on the detox. I basically have gotten through to her that she is going to fall and break a hip and then she is really going to be in bad shape.
I also found out she has been detoxed before from percocet. This little stint in rehab was kept from us, we were told she was receiving treatment for her back.
My mother is not a strong person and for the first time, that is actually beneficial to us. I am going to have to rely on the experts guide us through the process.
I also found out she has been detoxed before from percocet. This little stint in rehab was kept from us, we were told she was receiving treatment for her back.
My mother is not a strong person and for the first time, that is actually beneficial to us. I am going to have to rely on the experts guide us through the process.
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"I am going to have to rely on the experts guide us through the process. "
That's an excellent idea.
And please stay here in F&F. There are so many great people here who have been through this and will help you along the way.
I would also suggest a NarAnon or AlAnon meeting for yourself as well.
Day at a time.
That's an excellent idea.
And please stay here in F&F. There are so many great people here who have been through this and will help you along the way.
I would also suggest a NarAnon or AlAnon meeting for yourself as well.
Day at a time.
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Location: FL
Posts: 173
My brother's father in law passed away which is actually a blessing considering there was no brain activity. It means the family will not have to make the decision to take him off life support.
We are not telling my mom and I feel for my brother because out of the 4 of us he is mom's favorite and he deserves her support. The reality is though that she hs been so wrapped up in her own issues for so long, she is not supportive. When I had to put my dog to sleep in April, she actually made it worse for me by taking more pills and calling me crying on my shoulder every few hours.
We are not telling my mom and I feel for my brother because out of the 4 of us he is mom's favorite and he deserves her support. The reality is though that she hs been so wrapped up in her own issues for so long, she is not supportive. When I had to put my dog to sleep in April, she actually made it worse for me by taking more pills and calling me crying on my shoulder every few hours.
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