ALWAYS a fight....
 

Hello. I am also currently dating an addict. I am here to try to get some more information. At the beginning of our relationship he told me about his addition and his recovery. On the other hand he had exaggerated a bit on the length of time since his recovery.... things moved rather quickly and we ended up pretty much living together. He has a great job, as do I... I am pretty sure, a year and a half into our relationship he is clean. After dating a bit, I came to learn he had only been out of rehab for about a week and a half when we started hanging out. Lately, things have been rocky. There are fights over stupid things because " He cant show his love the way i do" and any time he is angry it is because " I MAKE HIM MAD, its ALWAYYYSSS because of i MADE him act this way." His emotional outbursts are very overwhelming... Im here looking for some advice.... ive been told recovering addicts should not jump into a relationship... which I unknowingly did... Ive also been told RA's have a difficult time accepting responsibility for their actions and have a tendency to place the blame on any one but themselves... any advice or assistance would be greatly appreciated.:a108:

Hi Chip -

welcome to SR!

I hope you'll take time to read the stickies at the top of this forum,
and use the links to learn as much as you can from what is there.

There's also a program of recovery for people who love addicts and alcoholics
it's called Al-Anon.

I recommend reading up on that program,
and finding something in your area.
We need support in 3-D as well as online
when dealing with addiction.

If you haven't been with this guy very long
my advice is one word - RUN.

If you do some introspecting
and if you realize that this man
is not the first man
who has misled you
and has had substance or alcohol problems...
then it's time to recognise that in yourself
and do something about it from that approach.

I hope you'll settle in for a while
and read the threads as well.
We always could use another perspective!

Again welcome!

Welcome to SR!
You have come to the right place!

You unknowingly jumped into a relationship with a recovering addict and now that you know....what will you do from here?

What is your gut telling you to do? More than likely...it's telling you this isn't a safe relationship. I would follow that feeling.

Take the drugs out of this.

Lots of people have great difficulty with accepting responsibility for themselves and project it all in emotional outbursts on the people closest to them, especially once the relationship honeymoon period is over.

If you had no knowledge of his history with drugs, would his current behaviors be more acceptable to you?

Hi all.. .thank you so much... im a year and a half in... ive been doing some research and i currently have a friend who is dating his friend from rehab, yet not really getting any where....I am emotionally involved and i dont know what to do.... if i took the drug history out... i think i might be more prone to leave it all behind.. but i know hes done whats best for him in the past and i love him so i truly dont understand if this problem is drug related or just his personality.... ughhhhh keep the advice coming :-)

well then - again welcome aboard!

*do* please check out the information on finding a support means IRL near you.

I am a personal kinda enthusiast of that
because it is so easy to isolate away from friends and other
means of emotional support
when in a relationship with someone with a problem.

it goes so well with being here on SR.

My 21 year old AS was diagnosed with ADD in junior high. He's always had difficulty with relationships - being too needy, needing to control, playing the blame game, just being plain immature. I wish the doctor who gave him the meds for ADD had really emphasized the need for him to have counseling in addition to medication. Those behaviors made it doubly difficult to figure out he had a drug problem later on down the road. He was acting the same as always. Part of recovering from an addiction is learning that he has to take responsibility for his actions, and accept the consequences. I used to tell AS, "we are your parents and we'll always love you, but the rest of the world won't. Having ADD may be an explanation for what's wrong, but it's not an excuse." Your ABF may have co-existing conditions that need to be addressed, by him. Love doesn't always conquer all. You have to take care of your emotional needs, even if he refuses to admit his problems. I agree with the suggestions to go to some Al-Anon meetings.