he's pushing me to my wit's end so he can use
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PM me
Posts: 324
I am glad I read this today. I agree with everyone. When I read this I had a mix of excitement and jealousy that your A seems to be recovering, but also and I felt nervous and stressed for you P!!!
I think this is EXTREMELY dangerous territory for you because it must feel really good to have him walking the path to recovery and so you don't want to set boundaries for yourself because you feel like you DO have an effect on him.
Of course, you're supporting his recovery. However, what happens if he does relapse? Are you then responsible for it? Intellectually you know that you wouldn't be, but a part of you would may feel the least bit responsible.
And that my friend, is a slippery slope. Just be very careful and I would really make him responsible for EVERYTHING that has to do with his recovery.
I can't blame ya though, if I were in your shoes I prolly would seize the opportunity to help someone in that way too.
Don't make yourself involved so that you are somehow in the crossfire for blame or responsibility. If it helps you to reiterate to him that you love and support him, but need some distance until say...xy, and z happens or x amount of sober and clean time passes do it. They are ways to support from a distance.
Hang in there and please think about yourself. Just because he is ill doesn't mean you are capable to help at this time. And just because he is ill doesn't mean he needs you to get there. Ya no what I mean?
I write this to you and to myself, lol. Ya no the codies. So good at GIVING advice 0
I think this is EXTREMELY dangerous territory for you because it must feel really good to have him walking the path to recovery and so you don't want to set boundaries for yourself because you feel like you DO have an effect on him.
Of course, you're supporting his recovery. However, what happens if he does relapse? Are you then responsible for it? Intellectually you know that you wouldn't be, but a part of you would may feel the least bit responsible.
And that my friend, is a slippery slope. Just be very careful and I would really make him responsible for EVERYTHING that has to do with his recovery.
I can't blame ya though, if I were in your shoes I prolly would seize the opportunity to help someone in that way too.
Don't make yourself involved so that you are somehow in the crossfire for blame or responsibility. If it helps you to reiterate to him that you love and support him, but need some distance until say...xy, and z happens or x amount of sober and clean time passes do it. They are ways to support from a distance.
Hang in there and please think about yourself. Just because he is ill doesn't mean you are capable to help at this time. And just because he is ill doesn't mean he needs you to get there. Ya no what I mean?
I write this to you and to myself, lol. Ya no the codies. So good at GIVING advice 0
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by theprocess 
I gave him his keys back and unlocked his phone security. He has been on a 4 day binge. I haven't seen my man all week, it's like living with someone else.
I will let go............I cannot make him get better...........only he can.
I will let go............I cannot make him get better...........only he can.
it sucks, big time when they take off like that.
but that is what they do, given the opportunity.
damn, i hope you do let go and get some help for you.
Beth.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Take this time to work on you. Read Codependent No More, get to some meetings.
You cannot control his disease, you cannot cure it. This is his problem and it is totally up to him to resolve it. It is impossible to control someone into recovery.
You cannot control his disease, you cannot cure it. This is his problem and it is totally up to him to resolve it. It is impossible to control someone into recovery.
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