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Famous Last Words (from my addict) v2.0

Old 09-03-2010, 03:34 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
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AH: "Someone broke into my (unlocked) car and stole my whole bottle of pain pills & my GPS...I need to borrow $$ for the police report so I can get a refill from my doctor"

ME: "Who's that in the background?"

AH: "Oh... thats the lady's voice on my GPS telling me how to get to the police station"

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Old 09-03-2010, 06:40 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by duet_4-8 View Post
This one was a personal favorite of mine:

"I TOLD my doctor I was snorting Lortab and he said it was ok..."
This made me laugh out loud, with my head back!

My favorite quote by PAXH (porn addict x husband)
"I hid those there to set you up- to prove you are a snoop!"
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Old 09-03-2010, 06:53 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
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Favourite hiding place? I have to give him credit, this was pretty good.

Between the lining and the jacket...hole in the pocket used to access. This was an old jacket, never worn anymore, and sat boringly at the back of the closet. Took me a while to catch on to that one *sigh*
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Old 09-03-2010, 07:30 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
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"He was in ICU after a car accident. I just called to make sure he was ok" After calling his dealer 8 times one morning... since when do they allow cell phones in ICU?

"My check was short ... enter amount here... because the time clock was broken"

"I never got my income tax check"

"No, I didn't take any of your son's ADHD med. You must have counted wrong"

"The pharmacy shorted me on that refill...AGAIN"

"He only gave me half of what he owed me"
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Old 09-03-2010, 07:32 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
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"I'll go grocery shopping today" Comes back 3 hours later with 4 bags of groceries..
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Old 09-03-2010, 09:32 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
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"It's the economy"

"If you drank with me you would be on my level and we could have fun"

followed by ...

"I am no different sober than when I am drunk"

"I am a responsible alcoholic"

"Use with me and you would want to stop reading so much"

"the bank made an error"

"I will sleep in the spare room and not make a peep. You won't even know I am there"

"Nobody knows I am drunk except when you complain about it"

"Those people on line hate me and they are poisoning your mind"

:rotfxko
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Old 09-03-2010, 10:00 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
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Quote:"You're nuts."

"Why do you have to be so emotional." (while I'm being calm and he's wigging out)"....I constantly get these ones as well.



I often get ˙our period must be coming soon. He has done nothing wrong...it has to be that I am geting my period and imagining things.....

Imagining things is also a side effect...like cramps and bloating. Midol doesnt help with the imagining things though.
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Old 09-03-2010, 10:09 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
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I lie to you because you freak out. (after catching him in a lie)
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:28 AM
  # 69 (permalink)  
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The reason I do drugs is because I don't like living alone--he was living with me at the time.

Someone must have stolen my bank card and took all the money out of it! As he takes it out of his wallet and looks at it.

Well, I would just spend the money anyway, so, I figured why not do drugs--after he snorted away $2,400 on coke in two weeks, money he got for his motorcycle he crashed!
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Old 09-04-2010, 10:13 AM
  # 70 (permalink)  
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Someone puked all over the bathroom after shooting heroin, but we were told (I can barely type this) "the dog must have done it"
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Old 09-04-2010, 10:44 AM
  # 71 (permalink)  
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After tearing the side mirror off the car on some poor persons mailbox:

"The Novocain the dentist used on my tooth effected my eyesight!"
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Old 09-04-2010, 11:45 AM
  # 72 (permalink)  
A work in progress....
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Just remembered another one:

"I'm just going to keep doing what God is telling me to do..."

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Old 09-04-2010, 12:07 PM
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"You've turned into such a bitch!"

Yep, cause that stands for Being In Total Control of Herself. So thanks, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me!
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Old 09-04-2010, 12:21 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
 
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I'm still trying to get past the stash in the bathroom faucet handles ...

if I HAD a diamond ring - I'd hide it in there!
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Old 09-04-2010, 01:47 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
tam
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after smashing his car:

HIM: oh I hit the guardrail, old man crossed the line.
ME: why didnt you call the police?
HIM: oh I felt sorry for the guy he is very old

after getting parking ticket in handicap zone (he feel asleep)

HIM: the lady cop was just a bitch and making money for the town
ME: but it saids handicap and blue lines!
HIM: I didnt see it I was tired, Im going to fight this ticket you will see

after hitting the road sign out front:

HIM: I accidently hit the sign
ME: how did you do that you were parked?
HIM: oh, Im not used to the gas pedal
ME: well our tenant said you were sleeping!
HIM: she is a whacko, I had my eyes closed for one split second

about detox

ME: did you talk to your pain dr.about rehab?
HIM: yes! bad news, he saids rehabs are quacks Im going to go in for 1 day suffer in pain and be driven by ambulance to his office for meds
ME: maybe your dr.is a quack?
HIM: your a quack, my dr.is from the best medical school in the world and he said your mentally ill and need help

funny but so sad
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Old 09-04-2010, 02:50 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
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I come home to find a broken pane of glass in an upstairs window, with blood on the jagged edges of the break, blood on the handle on the inside of the door, and a trail of dripping blood leading to stbx passed out on the door with a cut on his hand that is bleeding over the bed.

stbx: "I don't know how the window got broken, it wasn't me, my brother must have fallen into it"

"I'm on my way home, I'll be there in half an hour"

"I'm drinking (at 8am) because I've been up since 5 with the baby"

"I told you the police have been staking out our house from accross the street for 6 months; "name"'s mate has seen the file"

"I opened the letter containing a credit card and kept it on top of the cupboard" (that isn't in his name and had been misdelivered to our address) "in order to prove that I'm not committing fraud if the police come looking for it"

"I hid the bottles there to catch you out you suspicious *X!*$"

"I slept on the kitchen floor/toilet/doorstep because I didn't want to disturb you"
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Old 09-04-2010, 04:37 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
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AH: "I don't have any money cuz I lost my wallet"

ME: "Interesting... cuz u still have your license & SS card that were in your wallet"

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Old 09-04-2010, 07:08 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
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HIM: "I'm so sorry I didn't call you last night. I must've fallen asleep early after a long day of work, please don't be mad I love you so much. I wasn't doing anything wrong!"

ME: "Huh? You called me at 12am after going out with your friends and we talked for 45 minutes. You were actually being rather sweet in our conversation."

HIM: "That's cuz I'm such a great boyfriend."

SOMEONE PLEASE SHOOT ME
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Old 09-04-2010, 08:37 PM
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wow I love this thread!!
especially about insisting on the truth. How dare we?

A:"I know it looks suspicious baby but really, you've got it all wrong."
Me: "So I'm just being overly paranoid and nothing is going on?"
A: ***light shines in eyes*** "Exactly!"

Me: "Honey why are you in the bathroom for so long so many times? That's the fourth time today."
A: "I'm constipated."
(for like 3 weeks)
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Old 09-04-2010, 09:25 PM
  # 80 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
I'm still trying to get past the stash in the bathroom faucet handles ...

if I HAD a diamond ring - I'd hide it in there!

I used to have a couple of diamond rings. LOL...Maybe that is where I put my jewelry that....well you know....the ones I moved and can't find.
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