Haven't been around for awhile. Venting/Need some support. prayers..
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Haven't been around for awhile. Venting/Need some support. prayers..
Hello to all!
Older members will remember me from about 3 years ago. I haven't been here for a long time. After the divorce was final from AH and I moved on with my life, I lost touch with you all. Sorry for that! I made some wonderful friends here! I am back for a different reason.
My middle son, who will be 23 next week, is using. I am sick about it. I'm not sure what, beyond drinking and pot, but I suspect meth or crack. He is up all night and nods off during the day, randomly. Maybe heroin, or oxy. I have no idea. I just know he's using.
He had been awarded a four-year scholarship, a very prestigious one. He was dismissed last spring. His motorcycle was repossessed. His phone was cut off. He got evicted. His truck payment is running 60 days behind. He has an ER bill that is in collection. His entire demeanor has changed. He is distant, angry, and defensive. He projects. He blames. He lies. He steals money.
Yesterday I went over to see him and found him passed out with a bag of pot and a bunch of tiny plastic ziplock baggies (a new one on this old gal) on the bed beside him. So I guess whatever he's doing, he's also dealing.
I am having to relearn some old lessons, like detachment. It seems a lot worse from a child. Opinions, words of encouragement much appreciated.
Thanks,
Jen
Older members will remember me from about 3 years ago. I haven't been here for a long time. After the divorce was final from AH and I moved on with my life, I lost touch with you all. Sorry for that! I made some wonderful friends here! I am back for a different reason.
My middle son, who will be 23 next week, is using. I am sick about it. I'm not sure what, beyond drinking and pot, but I suspect meth or crack. He is up all night and nods off during the day, randomly. Maybe heroin, or oxy. I have no idea. I just know he's using.
He had been awarded a four-year scholarship, a very prestigious one. He was dismissed last spring. His motorcycle was repossessed. His phone was cut off. He got evicted. His truck payment is running 60 days behind. He has an ER bill that is in collection. His entire demeanor has changed. He is distant, angry, and defensive. He projects. He blames. He lies. He steals money.
Yesterday I went over to see him and found him passed out with a bag of pot and a bunch of tiny plastic ziplock baggies (a new one on this old gal) on the bed beside him. So I guess whatever he's doing, he's also dealing.
I am having to relearn some old lessons, like detachment. It seems a lot worse from a child. Opinions, words of encouragement much appreciated.
Thanks,
Jen
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Jen,
Sorry to hear about this latest turn of events but I'm glad thatyou have made your way back. You are so right - it is a whole different ball game when it is your child. I found out that my 16 year has been smoking pot and it really threw me.....way different feeling that any that I ever had with my husband.
Practicing your own recovery is the best way to "help" him....because you know that there is no other way.
Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
Sorry to hear about this latest turn of events but I'm glad thatyou have made your way back. You are so right - it is a whole different ball game when it is your child. I found out that my 16 year has been smoking pot and it really threw me.....way different feeling that any that I ever had with my husband.
Practicing your own recovery is the best way to "help" him....because you know that there is no other way.
Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,869
Welcome back, Jen. So sorry you are dealing with this. Yes, the process is the same as detaching from a husband, but it does hurt more when it is our child. We remember them when they were so little and innocent and sweet and it seems like we just can't recognize them anymore. It hurts. Stick around and let us help you through this. You don't have to go through it alone. 
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Thank you friends. I didn't realize how far down this has taken me until today; I caught myself looking through his bedroom. I don't ever want to be that person again.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Grab recovery and hold on for life. My 22 year old RAD is doing well, she informed us the other day she was celebrating 8 months and quit smoking too. Looks like she dealt with a relapse, because I thought she was clean longer than that. All I know for sure is that I didn't deal with it. I stuck with my recovery and history, all the ESH from here, tells me my life depends on that.
RAD and I depend on each other now in healthier ways. We both rely on the other to stick with our programs. We feed of each other in positive ways now.
Take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul. We're with you every step of the way
RAD and I depend on each other now in healthier ways. We both rely on the other to stick with our programs. We feed of each other in positive ways now.
Take a deep breath and settle in for the long haul. We're with you every step of the way
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
(((Duet))) I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad to see you again.
How heart breaking this must be for you, and my prayers go out for your boy...and for you too.
We're here and we care and we're walking beside you.
Hugs
How heart breaking this must be for you, and my prayers go out for your boy...and for you too.
We're here and we care and we're walking beside you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome back. It's heartbreaking to see your son spiraling into the vortex of drug use. Seemingly smart, witty, talented young people get caught in the grasp of addiction and they get in so deep. It's heartbreaking to say "I can't do anything about this." but it is so true. We can't do anything about their choice to use......all we can do is protect ourselves from the emotional and financial fallout and work our own recovery. Your experience from prior events with AH will help you deal with your son.....it is different but it is so much the same too.
gentle hugs from another mother with an AS
gentle hugs from another mother with an AS
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,991
Nice to see you Duet.
I imagine its very difficult for you to experience this after all you have been through with your ex. The bad news is you know what to expect, and its often not pretty. The good news is that you have your toools, you know how to use them, and denial is no longer in your vocabulary.
It doesn't make it easier on the heart, but it skips past alot of confusion in the process.
Lean on us if you need to.
(((Hugs)))
I imagine its very difficult for you to experience this after all you have been through with your ex. The bad news is you know what to expect, and its often not pretty. The good news is that you have your toools, you know how to use them, and denial is no longer in your vocabulary.
It doesn't make it easier on the heart, but it skips past alot of confusion in the process.
Lean on us if you need to.
(((Hugs)))
A work in progress....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
It is so good to hear your gentle, wise voices. Thank you for caring. I will update more later on~not able to right now. Pray for us, please. :ghug3
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