I hope so, too. The problem with anticonvulsants is that they have pretty bad side effects. Liver damage, gum disease, can't think clearly or concentrate, sleepy all the time, weight gain, weight loss, acne...the list goes on and on. She's really kind of between a rock and a hard place.

A Bad Moment
 

Last nights family friends meeting/visit didn't go well. Her father and I sat through an hour of codepency discussion, then we went downstairs for the visit part. Girl informed us that she's going to try to find a Sober House, that she doesn't want the temptation of being exposed to alcohol in our home. Okay. I'm not crazy about her leaving the house at this point in her life, but nothing I can do. Wish her well and support her decision as best as I can, and move on. She went to look for a document that HR at her company needs (need to be signed by psychiatrist). While she was gone I noticed that "dad" has a very disturbed look on his face, and tell him as much. He's beside himself that she's not coming home, she's never coming home again...

When she returns and says she can't locate the document, he starts getting angry and talking down to her. He's getting in an uproar about the document, when what he's really angry about is her not coming home.

I saw the hurt in her eyes. I patted him on the arm and said "it's time to go". He went outside, and I tried to explain away his behavior to our daughter. I think I've spent her entire life making excuses for dad's control issues, and I haven't even realized until I told him later last night that he has control issues. I feel horrible. Daughter feels horrible. I have no idea what "dad" is feeling today.

Man, addiction brings out the ugly truth in everyone, doesn't it?

****{hugs}}}

Where do we go from here?
 

Her father called the treatment center and asked if he could come and see her today, that he'd like to apologize. They told him to come at 2:00, then called a few minutes later and said that girl did not want to see him.

In my experience part of rehab is getting people to take responsibility and stand on thir own two feet. She is in her 20's..maybe it is time and if Dad csn look at it as a sign of her personal growth in recovery and not as a rejection of him, it'll be ok. Yes, addiction/recovery brings up all kinds of stuff. You can tell your husband from someone who has been ther...it is VERY hard when they come home, at least for me. I was trying so hard not to watch her every move and keep track of her sobriety. My 18 yr, old wants to go to to an SLE after rehab this time and I am SOOO grateful. Exhausting trying to stay out of their recovery when under your own roof! Puts THEM squarely in charge. where they should be. This was all a shock to you guys very recently..some more time and recovery will probably help Dad put it in perspective.:grouphug:

He's heartbroken. I hate to see him this way. Not to be mean, but I do feel he brought it on himself. I just don't know where I stand in all this. Because she has started on her extended stay, there are no longer visits or meetings. I'm left wondering if she'll call, and if she'll want to see me.

I'm confused all over again.

I have a feeling that everything is about to fall apart.

Maybe they will..maybe they need to, maybe when you put it back together it will be healthier for everyone. Sometimes you have to tear it all down and rebuild it,, maybe that's what your AD is doing..if Dad has been controlling, maybe she's taking charge. She WILL want to talk to you, but she probably was hoping for a better reaction to the news of her choice. Sounds like Dad and her are gonna have to work it out, didn't really have much to do w/ you, you accepted her decision. My AD's 1st rehab was much more emotional than this time. We had to hear some really hard stuff. You will get through this and be fine.

I'm glad she's taking charge. I knew the day would come. I've told him more times than I can count that he can't talk to people the way he does sometimes.

I've been reading your posts about your AD. I'm very happy for you both, and I hope her recovery sticks this time around.

She called. He apologized. They love each other.

Ok so mine called freaking out, crying, rehab is stupid, she hates the food, wants to use. Turns out her friend had a sezuire last nite and it reminded her of watching her Grandpa die when she was 12..up and down..up and down:chairfall. Don't mean to hijack your thread...

I can share my thread.

I'm sorry she's having a rough time. I hope things calm down for her soon. Seizure's are scary things to see.

Yeah..she's better today..roller coaster ride...Hope you are doing well.

Girl gets a 2 hour furlough today. Her dad will be able to pick her up at 4, but I can't get out of work until 4:30, and it will be 5:30 by the time I meet them. 30 minutes...I'll take it. She wants to get her nails done.

How's she doing this week?

Still day to day..nails sound like fun..update us on how it goes!

It went well. She had already pulled the nails off, and didn't need to deal with them. I met them at a restaurant, had a quick bite, then had to return her. It was pleasant. She's supposed to get a break this weekend, but I don't know how long it will be. We're hoping for 8 hours so she has time to come home and visit her boiz (the kitties) and relax in her environment for a while.

We're in the process of addict proofing the house. It's kind of fun. I've wanted to clean those shelves off for a long time...just never got around to it. We have about 25-30 bottles of booze, many have never been opened, many have sat there with only a few ounces, for years, waiting for a guest that might drink them. We entertain fairly often, so never throw it out.

At some point we'll have to call off the NYE party. A lot of people are looking forward to it, but it will have to take place somewhere else as long as girl lives at home with us. The thing is, I don't really mind the changes. I feel content and comfortable with it all.

I think i missed something ..I thought she wanted to go to an sle. Well good..glad you guys had a good time today!Gonna try to see my little darling on Sunday if i can be mobile after my hip surgey on Fri. havent seen her at the rehab yet. Visits are only 2 hours so thats a good thing.

sle?

sorry..sober living environment