update of hubby
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
update of hubby
it has been a month since no contact. yesterday he called my work informing me he is in the hospital for the last 21 days for bleeding,infection and pneumonia. no one called me as I didnt want contact and made that clear a month ago. I asked him for me to visit him, I needed to see him. the young couple who he has lived with for 9 months now fought him on me visiting, I was distraught and cried. I told him, no matter what I am still your wife, it is my moral obligation for 26 years now to make sure you are medically taken care of correctly and no other person shall made any decisions for you as you are extremely ill at this point. he agreed. I went and saw him, it was very upsetting to me, he is extremely ill, bleeding alot and has infection. He is now on 4mg. of injected pain meds alongwith the fenadyl patch, it is serious.
I held him, we cried, I told him Im sorry if I caused you any harm or hurt you, but I only wanted you to get better and off these meds, he agreed,but he also is confused. I told him he needs to talk to the social worker and all his drs.about what he needs to do, they are leaning towards the pain meds caused this,however they also feel that rehab isnt an option right now due to his conditon as well as his high dose of pain meds. all tests so far have come back normal (he did have a bout of diverculitis which cleared up). while I was there, the young couple called 5 times questioning him as to what I was still doing there, I was mean bitch and they want him home. They want me gone and sadly he doesnt know himself what he wants nor can he think straight. I was proud of myself, I controlled myself and did not react!!! I held him and prayed with him for him to recover. I again, told him how much I loved him. I left and cried all the way home. He is now bedridden, not able to urinate, not able to eat. I fear the worse. I was told not to return as well, they all still say Im mean and he is worried he has no place to live,yet he said he couldnt return to their apt.
Please pray for him, I am worried he will die. I have done everything I could to save him, but now it has come to this. He thanked me for that. I want you all to know that make sure you make amends before its too late. I am at peace somewhat knowing I did. I cant change anything that happened, but I will pray for him and hope that he recovers. I love him dearly. thank you all for your support, truely made me get through this.
I held him, we cried, I told him Im sorry if I caused you any harm or hurt you, but I only wanted you to get better and off these meds, he agreed,but he also is confused. I told him he needs to talk to the social worker and all his drs.about what he needs to do, they are leaning towards the pain meds caused this,however they also feel that rehab isnt an option right now due to his conditon as well as his high dose of pain meds. all tests so far have come back normal (he did have a bout of diverculitis which cleared up). while I was there, the young couple called 5 times questioning him as to what I was still doing there, I was mean bitch and they want him home. They want me gone and sadly he doesnt know himself what he wants nor can he think straight. I was proud of myself, I controlled myself and did not react!!! I held him and prayed with him for him to recover. I again, told him how much I loved him. I left and cried all the way home. He is now bedridden, not able to urinate, not able to eat. I fear the worse. I was told not to return as well, they all still say Im mean and he is worried he has no place to live,yet he said he couldnt return to their apt.
Please pray for him, I am worried he will die. I have done everything I could to save him, but now it has come to this. He thanked me for that. I want you all to know that make sure you make amends before its too late. I am at peace somewhat knowing I did. I cant change anything that happened, but I will pray for him and hope that he recovers. I love him dearly. thank you all for your support, truely made me get through this.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
I am sorry for your pain. It's hard to watch the people we love destroy themselves and accept that we are truly helpless and cannot save them.
You did not. I hope you can find the strength to give this over your Higher Power. "dear God, I put my husband in your hands. I pray you do whatever it takes to save him from his addiction." That's the bigger issue. This is a horrible consequence of using drugs.
We cannot stop an addict from destroying themselves. That's the nature of addiction. It always ends in jails, institutions or death - unless they decide they want the miracle of recovery. And it's never too late - as long as they are alive.
It helps to focus on your immediate needs and the needs of your children (if you have any). Everything else can wait until tomorrow.
(((hugs)))
the pain meds caused this
We cannot stop an addict from destroying themselves. That's the nature of addiction. It always ends in jails, institutions or death - unless they decide they want the miracle of recovery. And it's never too late - as long as they are alive.
It helps to focus on your immediate needs and the needs of your children (if you have any). Everything else can wait until tomorrow.
(((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: liverpool uk
Posts: 198
if you can communicate with him and help him through what must be a horrific time for you both then who are the couple who are objecting ? also what my mind is thinking-what motives do they have for trying to keep you apart-obviously if you're still legally married you have 100% the legal right to be there-unless he tells you otherwise-they must have some sort of motive or reason for denying you access to him-i'd be very surprised if they weren't benefitting in some way by you not being there.
my best wishes for his recovery and hope things work out for you.
joey.
my best wishes for his recovery and hope things work out for you.
joey.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
their motive is money, they want us to divorce and take his money from our house sale. I have not filed for divorce as I just couldnt. I was going to wait this out either way as I knew where his heart was,but his mind was drugged.
sadly, today he was diagnosed with leukemia, thus causing the bleeding and severe stomach pain and unable to fight infection.
I have stepped up to the plate and taking control, first thing tomorrow calling my oncologist to treat him (major cancer center)
my family/friends are going to be there too, my main focus right now is getting him proper cancer treatment. if they give me a hard time I will take further action if needed. he is not physically/mentally able to decide medical treatments and the young girl is extremely mentally ill as well. what a mess
need to stay strong and control any feelings I had from the drugs and all the turmoil it caused and let the higher power guide us and hope and pray he gets better.
thank you all for giving me such strength and courage as there were times I wanted to throw in the towel. I wont give up now.
sadly, today he was diagnosed with leukemia, thus causing the bleeding and severe stomach pain and unable to fight infection.
I have stepped up to the plate and taking control, first thing tomorrow calling my oncologist to treat him (major cancer center)
my family/friends are going to be there too, my main focus right now is getting him proper cancer treatment. if they give me a hard time I will take further action if needed. he is not physically/mentally able to decide medical treatments and the young girl is extremely mentally ill as well. what a mess
need to stay strong and control any feelings I had from the drugs and all the turmoil it caused and let the higher power guide us and hope and pray he gets better.
thank you all for giving me such strength and courage as there were times I wanted to throw in the towel. I wont give up now.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Exactly where my HP wants me to be
Posts: 136
Tam, first off, wow, what a terrible course of events for you and your husband. I'll be praying for you both. Get him to the best heme-onc people in the area. I would think Hackensack if you want to stay in Jersey, but it sounds like you have someone in mind already. I'm a physician (not heme-onc though) but please feel free to PM me if you have ?s. I'd be glad to help answer any questions you may have.
Secondly, you are still his wife. As such you are the legal next of kin and are the final arbiter in terms of decision making should he become incapacitated. That's the law. As for this despicable couple looking to profit from their connection with your husband, they don't have a leg to stand on as long as you're legally married. With your husband's agreement, I would tell those people to hit the road. :ghug3
Secondly, you are still his wife. As such you are the legal next of kin and are the final arbiter in terms of decision making should he become incapacitated. That's the law. As for this despicable couple looking to profit from their connection with your husband, they don't have a leg to stand on as long as you're legally married. With your husband's agreement, I would tell those people to hit the road. :ghug3
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