Jcash2319

This has been a long time coming. I have been on this roller coaster of a ride for the past 3 years. My wife who is addicted to pills drug of choice is pain killers has gotton herself into a little hot water. We have 2 beautiful children 6 year old daughter and 9 month old son. She has recently been caught steeli g pills from one of the neighbors. They are thinking about pressing charges. I know what I need to do but I am really stugaling with how to tell her and my daughter on that at this time we are not going to be a big happy family anymore. I still love my wife very much and want us to be able to work things out but untill I see her have a big chunck of sobriety I can't keep me and my children in this environment. I am not just about to loose my kids because of my wifes choices. I have been lied to over and over again. I am very scared of the outcome of this decision. There is 2 ways this could go. 1 she will realize that she needs to get her **** together or she will spiral out of control and possibly harm herself of overdose again. I know that is not something that I can control and something that I should not worry about but it is allot easier said than done. I at least want to give her some sort of hope. That she can turn this around. My wife has no copeing skills. Just pray for us

Kindeyes

You and your family have my prayers. Loving an addict is so very hard and it's particularly hard when there are children involved. A wife and a mother (or father and husband) is suppose to be a 50% partner in life......and I imagine you feel like the balance of responsibility has been unfairly laid in your lap. And you're right. It's just what addicts do. Take care of yourself and stick around. There are some great people who have lived (read SURVIVED) nightmares here in SR. I hope you find strength through the sharing of their experience.
gentle hugs

Suzie12

Hiya hun,

I can understand how difficult this is for you not to mention embarassing. She must have been pretty desperate to steel from the neighbours.

I am not a fan of issuing out ultimations as whenever I receive an ultimatum it tends to make me worse.

Does your doctor know about her painkiller addiction, if he does maybe he can give her a weaning of plan closely monitored and if not, maybe with your support she could be persuaded to go and talk to him.

Really feel for you and your children, and hope this time the neighbours do no call the police.

Suzie x

outtolunch

DWI/DUI is a crime while most turn a blind eye towards parenting ( PWI/PUI)

Makes no sense to me.

I applaud your decision to keep your children out of harms way.

ready2learn

My prayers go out to you and your family. Sitting on the fence is tough, and you've been doing that for a long time it seems. Your post indicates that you feel you know what you should do for your children, to make a change in their environment. Keeping up a charade will wear you out, and kids are smarter than we give them credit for. The most important thing is to give them stability and security and love. Hopefully this latest crisis with your wife will serve as a wake-up call to you that you need help for yourself and the children, whether it's meetings, counseling, etc. You can't make the decision for your wife to seek recovery. You can only do what you know is right for you and your children. It's not so much giving up on your wife, maybe, as much as it is refocusing your time and energy and figuring out what your priorities are. Hang in there.

Starburst

Hi, your post reminds me a bit of my own situation, i sat on the fence for three years, (been married 12 years) and have 2 girls my H is an A, remember: we cant control it, we didnt cause it and we cant cure it, so most of the time our talks land on deaf ears, my AH had a huge fall off the wagon, i just packeed up some of our stuff and walked out, no warning.. He was really, really shocked, never have i done anything like that. We stayed away for 3 days, my one girl took it very badly and was so sick. Shame. But at the end of the day, after AH tried every guilt trip, incl. trying to take overdose of pills to commit what? his body rejected them, thankfully. But this has been the hardest tough love period for me, I dont have to many coping skills myself, but, HP was right there, backing me up and holding my hand, My H is now on 30 days sobriety! Don't give up and dont let her manipulate you. Stand your ground! Hugs and prayers..

kj3880

If you decide to leave, or send her somewhere out of the house, either way, please consult a lawyer first, so you can be successful for your childrens' sake. And if you decide to separate, do so with no expectations, lest you become bitter. This is such a tough disease. You didn't cause it, cannot control it, and you can't cure it. Maybe she'll decide to stop eventually, if the consequences are great enough, but maybe not. Put her and the matter in God's hands, as He can take better care than even you can. And try Alanon/Naranon, for you!

jmf7dd

A suggested movie to watch , for you, and definately her, perhaps not together and i would not reccomend your child be involved at all "when a man loves a woman" it's a meg ryan movie.

jmf7dd

I personally would not hope the police are not called. Sometimes it takes an act of another to 'wake' and person up. Weather it be the police, God, or the partner ( in this case you leaving your wife) Which maybe the hardest choice you've ever been faced with, but at least you will know that you are no longer her co-dependent. And even a better thing to think of, your child will not have to see this destructive behavior. As a survivor of alcoholic/addict parents this is easy for me to talk about. But unfortunately my parents were co-dependent of one another and I suffered. I truly hated my father, the now 'dry' drunk 'dry' addict for a very long time. But through my own sobriety and path of AA I have found it in my heart and my life the choice to forgive him. But with that note like it is often said, I will never forget the harm that their use/addiction inflict on me and my siblings. But I have the power to forgive.

keepinon

I know it sounds awful , but the law getting involved could be just what she needs..someone other than you saying"This is a a problem" and keeping tabs on her may not be a bad thing. She will be forced to face the consequences of her addiction which is what prods people into recovery. Good luck..you sound pretty level headed,,keep coming back..oh yeah..have you tried alanon..helps me!

whatwentwrong

My heart and prayers go out to you! Keep coming back here. Trust and listen to what you read and hear. There are a lot of good people here who will help you along this road.

Take care of yourself and your kids. Your wife needs to learn to take care of herself now. Sometimes police involvement is the best thing...as odd as that sounds. I know you love your wife...and sometimes that love needs to be shown in different ways.

Your whole family is in my prayers!

coolrobin2

First of all, you have to think about your children and what is best for them.

Police involvement wouldn't be a bad thing.

What if you leave her? If she gets to be the residential parent, can you trust her with the children? How will you prove her addiction to the judge?

If you are the residential parent, will you trust her with unsupervised visitation? If not, how will you prove the need for supervised visitation?

I made that mistake 15 years ago with my ex. I was never able to prove his addictions to the judge, so I had to give him visitation. He started getting high with them when they were 14, 15, and 16. I've called DCF, and the police, and no one could do anything to help me. As a result, I lost my job after my son's suicide attempt, everything I own was stolen and pawned, and some days I don't want to live.

Today, I have 2 addict children. One I put in jail; the other was on pre-trial intervention, and I took evidence of her drug abuse to the court. She may get jail, too. She and I no longer communicate in any form.

It hurts like heck and I cry and pray everyday for them. My son has been clean for 9 months, but that may change at any time after he gets out. At this point, my family will be a work in progress for the remainder of my life. But I've finally learned that I can't make them do anything they don't want to do.

Protect your kids first. I pray your wife sees her addiction and gets help. If your wife is in denial, have the strength to make painful decisions.