I've moved out what's next?
 

So last 2 days I have been staying at my in laws because my husband has been what I'm thinking has been high. He says he's under so much stress because of job loss, that's why he can't sleep, and that he needs to be doing something around the house. I told him that he will not be seeing me or my daughter unless he comes with me to see a counselor which I already made an appointment for tomorrow. He said he needs time to reflect before he would see the counselor. And that he doesn't think that our marriage is salvageable and that he deserves better because of my lack of respect toward him. He said he has so much anger and resentment toward me and that he really needs to take the time to think about things. I personally think that he's hiding. However, does this mean that he really doesn't want to work on our marriage?

Welcome to SR, I hope you find some comfort and support here.

My thoughts are to go see that counselor anyway, whether he opts to come with you or not.

You can't control his thoughts and behaviour, but you can take positive moves to find your own balance and work through your emotions.

Hugs

Hey There ----

I'm with Ann on this one; do for yourself for now.....and as to your question....:

"...does this mean that he really doesn't want to work on our marriage?..."

To me, what he seems to be saying with all his (in some cases conflicting) statements is that he doesn't want you to calling the shots; he wants to 'think on it' ...yeah, uh huh. Just a thought, there...


(o:
NoelleR

Welcome to SR. I also hope that you find comfort here. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the rollercoaster ride that none of us bought a ticket for. It's up to each one of us to decide when we want to get off of it. Counselling will help you.....and you are what counts.
gentle hugs

Awww honey, he's going to say A LOT of stuff to try to convince you that you are confused and wrong about what's going on (because with addiction, a person always is trying to justify WHY they are making such bad choices and continuing with their addiction rather than putting their loved ones first) but I think from what you are saying, and just the fact that you are here on S.R., that YOU KNOW what is true and what is not true. Trust YOURSELF. Trust your instincts. Trust that little voice that is telling you how to best take care of you and your baby. God gave us a 6th sense for a reason, so don't ignore it. Welcome to Sober Recovery. Sorry you are here, but glad you are seeking out the truth and taking care of yourself and your little one :)

Thank you all for the gentle hugs...I have been in contact with several people who are close to both of us, and I have been put in my place by them, I tend to be very CSI Investigator like, tracking his whereabout, calling his friends all the wrong things of doing to finding out the truth. And all of them pretty much said, I'm stressing him out, and that is why he gets angry at me is because I need to quit searching for something that he's not ready or probably not even doing. He just lost his job, so yes he's stressed out and can't sleep. He's the father of the house, of course he's going to be worried and need to try to be focused....really? so why is there 1,000 cash missing from my purse? Did I accidentally drop that too? I have told my parents about my situation and they have been my greatest support. They told me to continue loving him, and just listen and ask no questions, they want me to try the method of letting him do what he wants to do and when he does make his own mistake he has nothing to put against me. I'm a pretty feisty person, when I want to know something, I will know something. And this time it's a different ballgame that I'm entering in. It's not a game, it's my daughter and I's safety that I have to yield. I am in pain for everyone who posts on this page. I pray that this page slowly lessens with hurt but more of success stories. For now...Let go and Let God.

I would take him at his word....that he doesn't want to work on the marriage and go from there.

You shouldn't have to rely on scads of outsiders to manage your marital relations.

What if you take all that effort and put it into you and your life?

I truly agree. Apparently he wanted us to move back in, and have agreed to seek marriage counselor. I am trying to work on my daughter and I, it's difficult to find something to do for me and her, when I have been so consumed with what's wrong with him. One day at a time I guess.