It's OVER. - What I learned...LOVE,LEARN,LETGO&that'sokay.
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
It's OVER. - What I learned...LOVE,LEARN,LETGO&that'sokay.
When I stop and think of everything me and my EX RABF went through it amazes me.
History: I rode that roller coaster anyone who has been or still is in a relationship with an addict has been on. In March my ABF entered into a detox and rehab facility for IV OC use, he is still there. He had been using for about 7 years, very heavily and in those last 7 years only was 'sober' on subs for about 2 weeks. 6 months for anyone is a huge accomplishment, I am so so proud. We had been dating for One year this past July and within that year - been through things I wouldn't wish on my enemy. But the human spirit is amazing and we persevered. Before his entering into rehab I had gotten the opportunity to move to another country for a year or so... we had discussed the move and whether or not be would be interested in coming. His addictions obviously held him back. We decided to stay together to make the 'most of the time we have left' until I left in July. Immediately after this discussion he went to rehab. We held onto our relationship through these months of distance and didn't talk to much of the upcoming end. Through phone calls and visits were very very sparse, I still felt very much in love with him. We knew that he had to do what was best for him, and I needed to do what was best for me... and that was okay. The first week I arrived at my new home, we spoke and decided that long distance was not going to work for either of us. He said that he had spoken with his sponsor and is taking his advice. I agreed. That was about 3 weeks ago, and we have yet to be in contact. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, i love him and miss him more than anything, but I know it was the right choice. I am getting stronger and stronger each day with the belief that not every thing works out just as you've planned but it's okay because what is meant to be will always find its way.
I really did learn a lot about myself throughout my relationship with him. What I will and will not put up with in future relations. How strong love can be. I do believe it is love that I feel for him, mixed with what turned out to be my own addiction: to him. I needed him like he needed his drugs and it was never going to be okay.
When I stop and think, I don't believe that we will end up together. Maybe one day he will realize what he had with me and all he was throwing away every time he put that needle to his arm. Every time he would lie and sneak around, nod out in front of me. Any one else would have gotten the f outta there in the beginning. Why was I so attached? intrigued? forgiving? Who knows.
How could I have ever sat through all that? All those times? Pretending that i didn't notice him standing up and slowly falling to the ground, like slow motion, bent over. Pretending not to notice, because I felt so f-ing embarrassed for him. Nodding out through almost every single movie we ever watched together. Burning every article of clothing he owned because he couldn't sit up for long enough to smoke one f-ing cigarette. Full of energy or fast asleep.
But somehow every time he got high in front of me, there were not feelings of anger or frustration towards him at all... there was an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I always wanted to cry, because i knew this wasn't his happiness either. Sickness was the demon and he would do anything in the world to avoid facing it and the thoughts that came with it. I love him and hate him for that at the same time. I haven't quite figured out which is stronger.
My feelings for him were always one extreme or another. When he came through and was the boyfriend that I deserved I was so happy nothing could touch me. But when he wasn't there, I was so utterly sad and missed him so much. The bad times were so bad that they made the great times so much better. Such a sick roller coaster of emotions, I don't think anything could ever compare.
He had always said to me that he knew deep down inside that I unconsciously wanted to fix him, and was expecting him to change. I never believed him when he said this and tried to explain that I loved him for who he was and how he made me feel inside. I've tried to understand this concept myself and only lately do i realize that he was probably right. Deep down I wanted to be the one who could make him happy - make him want to change. But he and I both know now that he has to be the one to want that for himself not for anyone else.
i don't know what it was that got me so wrapped up with him. i think that when it comes down to it that we may be the two most toxic people for each other, and if that's not true for always, it was definitely true for that period of time. I was content with making everything okay, feeling NEEDED and he was in a continuous cycle of self destruction. The way he cared for me, could never even compare to the love and obsession he felt for using. I never stood a chance.
i struggled the whole time to make him feel LOVED, cared for and happy. and he struggled the whole time to feel NOTHING.
There was nothing I could do and I couldn't accept it. I was obsessed with the idea that my love for him - could fix anything that he could be going through.
It was exhusting trying to look out for myself and for him. always cleaning up his messes. it didn't work. i was burnt out, tired and hurt. sometimes i try and think if i ever would have moved if it wasn't for him? i don't know that, but i do know that i needed to be very far away to free myself of him. i gave up so much, i gave up my life for a chance to start over and not feel so hurt and drained anymore. not constantly thinking and worrying about him and his feelings. i need to start to think about how i am feeling and my own happiness. when i was with him, only what he was feeling mattered. i would walk into the room and dependent on what his mood or his feelings were, it was determine how i was going to feel.
I learned that no one is going to look out for you, you gotta do that for youself. i cant deny all the times we shared that make me wish we were still back there, but those times were spread out in between so many lies and run arounds that its hard to decipher.
But its not all his fault. He is not the only sick one. i was the one who let it happen, again, and again, and again. i was the one who always thought, this time...THIS TIME... will be different. but NOTHING will ever be different until he is living a SOBER life for no one but HIMSELF.
I will always love him, and maybe some day when we both have our heads on securely - life will bring us back together. Only when he and I are both able to LOVE OURSELVES - will we be able to move on.
Sorry so long,
xoxo
History: I rode that roller coaster anyone who has been or still is in a relationship with an addict has been on. In March my ABF entered into a detox and rehab facility for IV OC use, he is still there. He had been using for about 7 years, very heavily and in those last 7 years only was 'sober' on subs for about 2 weeks. 6 months for anyone is a huge accomplishment, I am so so proud. We had been dating for One year this past July and within that year - been through things I wouldn't wish on my enemy. But the human spirit is amazing and we persevered. Before his entering into rehab I had gotten the opportunity to move to another country for a year or so... we had discussed the move and whether or not be would be interested in coming. His addictions obviously held him back. We decided to stay together to make the 'most of the time we have left' until I left in July. Immediately after this discussion he went to rehab. We held onto our relationship through these months of distance and didn't talk to much of the upcoming end. Through phone calls and visits were very very sparse, I still felt very much in love with him. We knew that he had to do what was best for him, and I needed to do what was best for me... and that was okay. The first week I arrived at my new home, we spoke and decided that long distance was not going to work for either of us. He said that he had spoken with his sponsor and is taking his advice. I agreed. That was about 3 weeks ago, and we have yet to be in contact. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, i love him and miss him more than anything, but I know it was the right choice. I am getting stronger and stronger each day with the belief that not every thing works out just as you've planned but it's okay because what is meant to be will always find its way.
I really did learn a lot about myself throughout my relationship with him. What I will and will not put up with in future relations. How strong love can be. I do believe it is love that I feel for him, mixed with what turned out to be my own addiction: to him. I needed him like he needed his drugs and it was never going to be okay.
When I stop and think, I don't believe that we will end up together. Maybe one day he will realize what he had with me and all he was throwing away every time he put that needle to his arm. Every time he would lie and sneak around, nod out in front of me. Any one else would have gotten the f outta there in the beginning. Why was I so attached? intrigued? forgiving? Who knows.
How could I have ever sat through all that? All those times? Pretending that i didn't notice him standing up and slowly falling to the ground, like slow motion, bent over. Pretending not to notice, because I felt so f-ing embarrassed for him. Nodding out through almost every single movie we ever watched together. Burning every article of clothing he owned because he couldn't sit up for long enough to smoke one f-ing cigarette. Full of energy or fast asleep.
But somehow every time he got high in front of me, there were not feelings of anger or frustration towards him at all... there was an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I always wanted to cry, because i knew this wasn't his happiness either. Sickness was the demon and he would do anything in the world to avoid facing it and the thoughts that came with it. I love him and hate him for that at the same time. I haven't quite figured out which is stronger.
My feelings for him were always one extreme or another. When he came through and was the boyfriend that I deserved I was so happy nothing could touch me. But when he wasn't there, I was so utterly sad and missed him so much. The bad times were so bad that they made the great times so much better. Such a sick roller coaster of emotions, I don't think anything could ever compare.
He had always said to me that he knew deep down inside that I unconsciously wanted to fix him, and was expecting him to change. I never believed him when he said this and tried to explain that I loved him for who he was and how he made me feel inside. I've tried to understand this concept myself and only lately do i realize that he was probably right. Deep down I wanted to be the one who could make him happy - make him want to change. But he and I both know now that he has to be the one to want that for himself not for anyone else.
i don't know what it was that got me so wrapped up with him. i think that when it comes down to it that we may be the two most toxic people for each other, and if that's not true for always, it was definitely true for that period of time. I was content with making everything okay, feeling NEEDED and he was in a continuous cycle of self destruction. The way he cared for me, could never even compare to the love and obsession he felt for using. I never stood a chance.
i struggled the whole time to make him feel LOVED, cared for and happy. and he struggled the whole time to feel NOTHING.
There was nothing I could do and I couldn't accept it. I was obsessed with the idea that my love for him - could fix anything that he could be going through.
It was exhusting trying to look out for myself and for him. always cleaning up his messes. it didn't work. i was burnt out, tired and hurt. sometimes i try and think if i ever would have moved if it wasn't for him? i don't know that, but i do know that i needed to be very far away to free myself of him. i gave up so much, i gave up my life for a chance to start over and not feel so hurt and drained anymore. not constantly thinking and worrying about him and his feelings. i need to start to think about how i am feeling and my own happiness. when i was with him, only what he was feeling mattered. i would walk into the room and dependent on what his mood or his feelings were, it was determine how i was going to feel.
I learned that no one is going to look out for you, you gotta do that for youself. i cant deny all the times we shared that make me wish we were still back there, but those times were spread out in between so many lies and run arounds that its hard to decipher.
But its not all his fault. He is not the only sick one. i was the one who let it happen, again, and again, and again. i was the one who always thought, this time...THIS TIME... will be different. but NOTHING will ever be different until he is living a SOBER life for no one but HIMSELF.
I will always love him, and maybe some day when we both have our heads on securely - life will bring us back together. Only when he and I are both able to LOVE OURSELVES - will we be able to move on.
Sorry so long,
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Eire
Posts: 7
Wow, sounds like my story! and the word roller coaster was a word that I would use as well, well combined with me saying that at times it felt I was in the making of the Twilight Zone. I told a friend today that I had realised that i was unable to fix my partner and that AA advice is for them to find themselves on their own two feet, and he replied that I should still somehow be supportive of my partner. I understand your pain you have gome through, those sleepless nights, those endless days of emotional turbulence, I just luckily have not been through it that long myself. I guess I am too keep a back burner going, somewhere. Where I feel as if one day my partner will be sorted.
Thanks so much for the contact, I am not able to pm at the minute, until I have made more posts, but I hope to stay in touch. As one post i read, this stage is where you need to fasten your seat belt, as it's going to be bumpy ride! I think it's particularly relevant to us at the minute! In reference to that i just remembered a video to that same line on youtube: YouTube - Bette Davis Eyes
God bless
Thanks so much for the contact, I am not able to pm at the minute, until I have made more posts, but I hope to stay in touch. As one post i read, this stage is where you need to fasten your seat belt, as it's going to be bumpy ride! I think it's particularly relevant to us at the minute! In reference to that i just remembered a video to that same line on youtube: YouTube - Bette Davis Eyes
God bless
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Beautifully written, Summer.
I think that when you eliminate the blame and shame and "what if's", what remains is "what is". You have clear vision of what that is and are moving forward in a healthy way.
May the days ahead bring you happiness, and may his days ahead bring him long lasting sobriety. Whether your paths cross again or not, the path you already walked together seems to have brought good lessons to both of you.
Hugs
I think that when you eliminate the blame and shame and "what if's", what remains is "what is". You have clear vision of what that is and are moving forward in a healthy way.
May the days ahead bring you happiness, and may his days ahead bring him long lasting sobriety. Whether your paths cross again or not, the path you already walked together seems to have brought good lessons to both of you.
Hugs
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Ann 
Whether your paths cross again or not, the path you already walked together seems to have brought good lessons to both of you.
Hugs
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: My Room
Posts: 138
oh man. . . . i needed to read that today.
summer, your words are beautiful and you are very strong. part of me wants to copy and paste and send to my RABF right now and say "See??? SEE????" i will resist that urge.
i'm trying very hard to figure out the separation. when it should happen, how it will happen. we are already long distance and my life is getting fuller without him everyday. i just don't want to say that permanent goodbye. i still believe i can help somehow, or at least lead by example. my RABF was only in rehab for 2 weeks. .. how i wanted him to stay longer because that meant we really couldn't be together!
you wrote that you were obsessed with the idea that your love for him could fix anything. i am obsessed with the idea that you have to stick with people and not give up on them, because after all, where would i be if people had given up on me? it is the bee in my bonnet. . i just can't get around it or through it.
so i'm going to keep re-reading your post. thank you for sharing your experience so truthfully and eloquently!
summer, your words are beautiful and you are very strong. part of me wants to copy and paste and send to my RABF right now and say "See??? SEE????" i will resist that urge.
i'm trying very hard to figure out the separation. when it should happen, how it will happen. we are already long distance and my life is getting fuller without him everyday. i just don't want to say that permanent goodbye. i still believe i can help somehow, or at least lead by example. my RABF was only in rehab for 2 weeks. .. how i wanted him to stay longer because that meant we really couldn't be together!
you wrote that you were obsessed with the idea that your love for him could fix anything. i am obsessed with the idea that you have to stick with people and not give up on them, because after all, where would i be if people had given up on me? it is the bee in my bonnet. . i just can't get around it or through it.
so i'm going to keep re-reading your post. thank you for sharing your experience so truthfully and eloquently!
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by NightandDay
i'm trying very hard to figure out the separation. when it should happen, how it will happen. we are already long distance and my life is getting fuller without him everyday. i just don't want to say that permanent goodbye. i still believe i can help somehow, or at least lead by example. my RABF was only in rehab for 2 weeks. .. how i wanted him to stay longer because that meant we really couldn't be together!
you wrote that you were obsessed with the idea that your love for him could fix anything. i am obsessed with the idea that you have to stick with people and not give up on them, because after all, where would i be if people had given up on me? it is the bee in my bonnet. . i just can't get around it or through it.
you wrote that you were obsessed with the idea that your love for him could fix anything. i am obsessed with the idea that you have to stick with people and not give up on them, because after all, where would i be if people had given up on me? it is the bee in my bonnet. . i just can't get around it or through it.
Over a year of my life - summed up in a 2 minute conversation. Ouch! I agree with you wholeheartedly that I didn't want to say that permanent goodbye. For me - we both knew it was coming, it HAD to.... But who was going to do it? In a way I am thankful that he did it, because I don't think I could have. It's just the way my heart works - although I know it was the right decision I doubt that I would have been able to finalize it in fear that I would hurt him. As I say this now, I look at that word hurt and my stomach turns. For all our relationship I had been concentrating on relieving his hurt. Trying desperately and not getting anywhere at all.
A breakup doesn't mean that you are giving up on him. And I have struggled myself with that same idea. If we break up - he will use, if we break up - he will have no one, if we break up - it was all just a waste. But none of this is true. There comes a time when a relationship becomes so sick that it needs a chance to regroup, recover. A relationship with an active addict, heads there very fast. Sometimes a breakup is the only chance it has at survival, if that makes sense.
Throughout my relationship with my addict so many times I was hurt by the fact that he was SO SELFISH! How could he treat me like this? I would never do this to him, how can he be so selfish?! And now, months later in his recovery I see that this is the perfect time for him to be completely selfish, this is when he needs to think only of himself and his recovery. And it is the greatest gift to know that he is healthy enough to realize this fact. The addict in your life will always know how much you care, there is no way that he couldn't. He cannot fully love you the way that you truly DESERVE to be loved, until he loves himself. And if he loved himself - he wouldn't be using. It's a wicked game.
A break up in this respect, is a time to get healthy. Only two healthy people can have a healthy relationship. At least, this is what I have learned
xoxo
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by NightandDay
so i'm going to keep re-reading your post. thank you for sharing your experience so truthfully and eloquently!
It ain't always rainbows and butterflies for me either sister! I keep re-reading my post (along with posts of others) to remind myself to stay on the right track...
We are all here to learn and support each other and the strength of that is immeasurable! I was reading over my FIRST post and posts that followed and it's amazing how naive I actually was, but I highly doubt I would be at the place I'm at today without the support from those here at this forum.
A big
!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
thank you for being here!
It strikes me that you have just moved. That in itself feels a bit unsettling even when it is soemthing we want and choose.
I move alot. I always feel a bit disoriented and at loose ends...even tho' I am excited to be there.
I wondered if this didn't contriburte to your thoughts and feelings about leaving behind the relationship and the known.
It strikes me that you have just moved. That in itself feels a bit unsettling even when it is soemthing we want and choose.
I move alot. I always feel a bit disoriented and at loose ends...even tho' I am excited to be there.
I wondered if this didn't contriburte to your thoughts and feelings about leaving behind the relationship and the known.
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Live
It strikes me that you have just moved. That in itself feels a bit unsettling even when it is soemthing we want and choose.
I move alot. I always feel a bit disoriented and at loose ends...even tho' I am excited to be there.
I wondered if this didn't contriburte to your thoughts and feelings about leaving behind the relationship and the known.
I move alot. I always feel a bit disoriented and at loose ends...even tho' I am excited to be there.
I wondered if this didn't contriburte to your thoughts and feelings about leaving behind the relationship and the known.
I remember once I broke down to him how scared I was. About losing him and what we had. And he simply stated that it couldn't come at a better time. Even if I wasn't leaving we wouldn't be able to physically be together, and although he was physically better, he was still very much mentally sick. He knew he needed some good clean time before he would put himself back into day to day life. He said that this was a chance for him to do what he had to do and for me to do the same - and it would only make us better for each other after the time and distance passed.
When we broke up, as I stated, I knew it was going to happen. But for a time, and every once in a while now, I struggle with myself to know that the decision I made was the right one. I know that if I stayed - we would still be together. But ultimately I would have been holding myself back, he knew that and I know that.
This move, this year to year 1/2, can have two outcomes. 1.) We will both become stronger people on our own, which will in turn make it possible to have a strong relationship in the future or 2.) The time and distance from each other will make us realize that we have both evolved and outgrown our relationship with each other.
I don't think that without this huge change in my life, would I have been able to face the facts that we were not going to be able to continue on in our relationship the way that it was. It was too painful for him and for me.
The only thing that keeps me sane when I am overwhelmed is the idea that I am making the right decision.
It seems that life and love is all about the timing.
Then the bird said 'Nevermore'
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Babyblue
"It seems that life and love is all about the timing."
I loved your story. And I couldn't agree more. I wish you both the best. You'll be ok
I loved your story. And I couldn't agree more. I wish you both the best. You'll be ok
It was very comforting to 'hear' You'll be okay.
That really meant/means a lot to me for some reason?!
xoxo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
You definitely have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck with this next year. I hope you are able to overcome all of the pain and get to a new and wonderful place in your life...one filled with peace! I wish this actually for all of us suffering here. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: pittsburgh pa
Posts: 31
summer,
your story is all too familiar. And unlike what you think, I am more like you. I have ben putting up for it for 3 years, hiding the truth from alot of people, dragged into his lies to his family because he would tell them he is clean and they would ask me and i wouldnt want to fight with him so i would lie for him to spare his hatred to me. I cried "wolf" so many times. Ill break up with him, get lonely or either calm down and 3 hours later, I WOULD CALL AND APOLOGIZE. me apologize for his actions!
Im sure he is not far from injecting, if hes not doing it already. I though he was ingesting them for about 6 months before i really found out he was snorting them.
How are you today? I can not picture my world without him. I love him so much adn im feeling as though he doesnt love me and i dont know if its the addiction or that its just not meant to be.
He would also give me a glimmer of hope somedays. I would see the guy i feel in love with then as quickly as it came, it was gone.
I want him to be sober and with me. I came to this site to give me strength. When i get weak I come on here and all of you guys encourage me to do this for myself. I cant save him anymore. He has to save himself. Im just hoping that while i am at work for 8 hours ill be able to stay strong. I usually call him on my lunches and breaks. Its not only that im losing a boyfriend, and a lover. Im losing my best friend. but i guess i lost him many years ago and never wanted to admit it to myself.
please update me on how your doing. on your weaknesses and your strengths. I can use anything.
your story is all too familiar. And unlike what you think, I am more like you. I have ben putting up for it for 3 years, hiding the truth from alot of people, dragged into his lies to his family because he would tell them he is clean and they would ask me and i wouldnt want to fight with him so i would lie for him to spare his hatred to me. I cried "wolf" so many times. Ill break up with him, get lonely or either calm down and 3 hours later, I WOULD CALL AND APOLOGIZE. me apologize for his actions!
Im sure he is not far from injecting, if hes not doing it already. I though he was ingesting them for about 6 months before i really found out he was snorting them.
How are you today? I can not picture my world without him. I love him so much adn im feeling as though he doesnt love me and i dont know if its the addiction or that its just not meant to be.
He would also give me a glimmer of hope somedays. I would see the guy i feel in love with then as quickly as it came, it was gone.
I want him to be sober and with me. I came to this site to give me strength. When i get weak I come on here and all of you guys encourage me to do this for myself. I cant save him anymore. He has to save himself. Im just hoping that while i am at work for 8 hours ill be able to stay strong. I usually call him on my lunches and breaks. Its not only that im losing a boyfriend, and a lover. Im losing my best friend. but i guess i lost him many years ago and never wanted to admit it to myself.
please update me on how your doing. on your weaknesses and your strengths. I can use anything.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
I know what you mean about needing to leave the country in order to get better. I also was unable to completely make the break. It took prison for us to separate. Sad, but true. I can only fix myself now and its going to be difficult and lonely. I have spent half my life in dysfunctional relationships. I do not want this any more!!!!!! I am in my on personal rehab and I am taking it one day at a time! This forum and everyone here has helped me so much with my guilt, grief and recognizing my own sickness! Thanks summer!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
stacecakes-
i too was uanble to make the break on my own. she had to leave for the streets again, or wherever she is. but i am taking it as a chance to rebuild and grow. i have been on and off with her for years and am no further along than i was before, except this time i dont want it anymore either. hang in there and keep moving forward. we are on the same paths
i too was uanble to make the break on my own. she had to leave for the streets again, or wherever she is. but i am taking it as a chance to rebuild and grow. i have been on and off with her for years and am no further along than i was before, except this time i dont want it anymore either. hang in there and keep moving forward. we are on the same paths
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
Thanks Steve! Each day gets a little better! I have no choice but to move on....and I suppose I should be thankful for the opportunity.Its just so heartbreaking that neither of us were strong enough to break it or make it in a healthy way. I am trying not to think about where he is and trying to tell myself that he will be ok where he is....its hard though! I feel horrible for all of the parents of children out there on the streets...if its this heart wrenching over a boy friend..I cant imagine for a child!! God Bless all of you parents my heart breaks for you!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 63
Summer.
Thanks for the great words!!
I myself have been stuck with my "pill popping wife" for quite a while. Her addiction has been going on for 6 years now. She is in a outpatient treatment program right now but have little faith in her recovery especially considering that as far as she is concerned, she is just physically dependent and there isn't a real problem.
Why do we stay? Probably a mix of love, pity and my own addiction. In hindsight, knowing what I know now, I would have run away like a bat out of hell.
I myself have not moved on yet, but am working on my own recovery and trying to get other parts of my life in order and hopefully, soon enough, I will have the courage to walk out and start living my life.
Thanks for the great words!!
I myself have been stuck with my "pill popping wife" for quite a while. Her addiction has been going on for 6 years now. She is in a outpatient treatment program right now but have little faith in her recovery especially considering that as far as she is concerned, she is just physically dependent and there isn't a real problem.
Why do we stay? Probably a mix of love, pity and my own addiction. In hindsight, knowing what I know now, I would have run away like a bat out of hell.
I myself have not moved on yet, but am working on my own recovery and trying to get other parts of my life in order and hopefully, soon enough, I will have the courage to walk out and start living my life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
